J.R.: 0:01

Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode of 1000 Gurus with me, your host, jr Yonacruz. It is my purpose to have great conversations with unique and interesting guests from various fields, backgrounds and walks of life. So today's guest is a friend of mine, aidan Anthony Pham is a published researcher, knowledgeable in the topics of race, gender and sexuality in popular media, has two master's degrees and has studied in five different countries. Professionally, he has worked in multiple industries, including service, non-profit entertainment and technology. In their 20 plus years of work experience, they've received recognition from the city council, the state government, the office of the president and even Disneyland.

J.R.: 0:39

Aeden is an award-winning singer, dancer, writer and film director and also enjoys investing their time in various activities, such as stand-winning singer, dancer, writer and film director, and also enjoys investing their time in various activities such as stand-up comedy, archery, ice skating and video slash board gaming. So this was a fun interview because most of our conversations, usually in person, end up like this whenever we hang out, we tend to switch frequently from very deep and philosophical topics to more humorous ones, and then very back and forth frequently, because that's just how our brains work. We cover a lot of practical topics in this episode, such as Aeden affinity for seeking coaching and feedback in various aspects of life. We also cover advice on how to advance your career and potentially double your income, and then we touch upon how therapy has significantly impacted his life in a very positive way, of course. So, without further ado, hope you enjoy this episode with Aeden Anthony Pham.

J.R.: 1:31

Hello everyone and welcome back to 1000 Gurus. Today's guest is Aeden Pham. Hello, there you go. Hi, it's me. Thank you, Aeden, for being here. I you go. Hi, it's me. Thank you, Aeden for being here. I appreciate it. You're guru number 16, I believe.

J.R.: 1:51

Yeah 16 of season two. So, yeah, this is going to be fun. I will go into how I know you and I know it's a little extensive because we go kind of way back. So we met in college at UCI. Even though we were both in the dance community there, we never danced on the same team, still haven't. But yeah, I'd say that you know, in college we're like kind of in the same circles, kind of acquaintances. We're never really like close friends.

J.R.: 2:11

And then we reconnected again after we both did the 17 super project with Untitled, and then that was back up back in the summer of 2023. And then you joined Team B UK for a year and then now you're one of the board members for collide and you do projects with P&D. We also do stand up comedy together because I wanted to take stand up to one and then at this comedy theater in Huntington Beach and then so you took one on one while you took to one with me. So that was kind of interesting. So we've been doing open mics on and off for the last year and then we out a lot.

J.R.: 2:43

I consider you a close friend and one of the few people that, like I, feel like who I hang out with are similar stage of life as me because, I'll do hang out with a lot of younger people like on the college team I'm in, and then some of my own friends and then some older people like at work. So yeah, any clarifications on you know that or your bio. I know I've read your bio by this point in the show.

Aeden: 3:05

Yeah, I would clarify to say that when we met in UCI, it wasn't just that we were in the same circles or that we had danced together, but more so that you had been one of the first people to teach me anything about dance. So for me, I have this history of really looking up to you and aspiring to get to where you're at I appreciate that yeah, I I'm glad.

J.R.: 3:30

I'm glad we made this that much of an impact or at least I did, because I was casa right yeah, it's a dance off, so you hadn't danced before that and that was kind of like the first thing.

J.R.: 3:38

if for me I don't know, for people who don't know when you go to one of the ucs and you have casa Dance-Off, it's very like rough, because the dance practice hours are even worse than competitive teams. It's like 10, 12, 14 hour practices which are insane, and there's only like 10% of them are dancers. So, for example, you have a bunch of freshmen it's only for first years freshmen fall quarter and you'll have like maybe 40, maybe 50 or whatever. It's like a large number of freshmen and maybe five to ten percent of them actually have dance experience. So you have long practices where a lot of people are beginners and you have a handful of actual people with experience and then you have choreographers to come in and teach them and so you have this kind of like boot camp hazing korean club.

J.R.: 4:24

but like competing with other ucs and it's so intense. But some of the alumni from casa dance off, are like some heavy hitters in the dance community, so that's kind of what draws people to it and it's like a fun first year experience like at uc.

Aeden: 4:38

Yeah and it's not uh uc specific any or, oh, that's right, that's right you're right, you're right uh I'm wrong because they also.

J.R.: 4:43

There was non-uc schools as well um so yeah, it's just like a the casa um clubs at each college, like in socal area, will compete and stuff so what a throwback yeah, now you're still dancing and I'm still dancing too.

J.R.: 4:59

So, yeah, yeah, cool. So, um, let's get into our first topic then. So, as usual, like origin story. So my big questions for you and for the audience is kind of like how, kind of like where you grew up, you know, what was your career aspirations, what were your main influences growing up, and then we'll get into all of these different hobbies and interests that you have, because if people read your bio, you kind of do all these things, but can you just walk us through kind of your origin story?

Aeden: 5:35

Sure.

Aeden: 5:35

So I was born and raised in Orange County, california, so it's a pretty Vietnamese dominant area, but our family never really lived in the community and so I went to schools that were pretty about 50-50, like half Viet viet, half white, and even then I felt like I didn't really fit with either group and so I was constantly like in this space of trying to find like a place to belong or a community to connect to. I started exploring a little bit more as I got into high school, because I was in a very, very tiny middle school there was like 30 people in our graduating class and then jumping to a high school 3,300 people was a huge jump for me. So that was my opportunity to explore a little bit more, lean into some of the more creative things that I was doing. Because I was in a small high or middle school a small middle school I was doing a lot of sports because that's all we had.

Aeden: 6:26

And then when I got into high school I was like, oh, we can actually do like creative stuff. There's like singing stuff. Dance was not allowed for boys back then. It was like a girls only sport. I guess I know Where's the boo button. And then it was in university that I think I was really opened up to a lot of new opportunities, a lot of different things that I could participate in or that I can learn from, and so that was a very exciting experience for me.

Aeden: 6:56

I think I found people to look up to, yourself, for example, and it was usually people who were committed to their craft, who were driven, who had purpose, and these are all things that I was searching for for myself. I longed for community connection because, like I said before, I've always felt disconnected, and one of the ways that I was hoping to gain that sort of connection was through mentorships, things like that. So that's kind of how I got started in a lot of all of these. That motivation generally drove me to find new spaces to step into or gave me the desire to want to start new things or investigate new things to see how does it fit for me, how do I find myself in these spaces or how do I participate in these activities or these communities?

J.R.: 7:47

Okay, so trying to find community connecting and you're trying these different things in different spaces. So were there any particular types of creative outlets or things that you felt like you latched on to or resonated with? You said it was a lot in university, Was there anything in high school or was like like, can you walk us through that?

Aeden: 8:06

Sure, the big one for high school was singing. So my sister started singing in our school's choir and I was intrigued by that. So I joined and I ended up doing choir for three years. So I started my sophomore year, finished out in my senior year and I took a little bit of a step back once I got into university because I was part of this program at UCI called the Freshman Summer Start Program and we were just walking from the university town center, from getting in and out or whatever, to campus and we walked through a parking structure and that's when I ran into MCIA campus and we walked through a parking structure and that's when I ran into MCIA and I had never heard of a dance team before.

Aeden: 8:47

I didn't know people dance as a thing, you know. The only dancing I understood was like okay, you go to a wedding and you dance and that's it. So I saw a group of these college-age students just dancing in a parking structure and so I, my friends and I just kind of stood there and they saw us and so they came over, introduced themselves, explained everything and I was like, oh wow, that's so cool, that's like really tight, I would love to do that and it looks like everyone's having fun, everyone's like tight with each other. That's community, and so I started investing a lot of time into dance throughout, like my university years.

Aeden: 9:20

I took a step back from that when I moved to Asia, just because I found that the dance culture that we have here is very different from the dance culture they have over there, and so what I ended up doing was reinvesting a lot of my time into singing. So I was training with a company in Thailand, I tried out some things in Korea, not much in Japan. That was on me, I didn't really research, and then, after I moved back to the US, took a break from everything because of COVID. But post-COVID I kind of started running at both with, whatever the saying goes, jumping into the deep end, you know.

J.R.: 9:57

Cool. So then, so you were trying out these new things, so you mentioned singing and dancing. You were also. You were in like a graduate program too, right?

Aeden: 10:06

Yes, like a master's program.

J.R.: 10:07

Yes, and so I mean we'll go into a lot of this stuff too, maybe a little bit at a time. But so how did you? What was your approach at that? I know you mentioned you were looking for feedback and kind of guidance and mentorship and you had all these different interests. Do you have any takeaways on, like, your approach there? What did you get out of that? Or what was the intent, what was your purpose of trying to, like, you know, doing all this? Or is that just kind of your mind? You're just like oh, I just like doing different things.

Aeden: 10:32

I do like doing different things.

Aeden: 10:33

I think my intention originally around asking for feedback was to please people, because I was so disconnected and I had such a strong desire to want to be wanted or to want to be invited, to be around or to be appreciated, to be recognized.

Aeden: 10:52

My desire for feedback was that it's just just tell me what do I need to do so that you would want me here, so that someone else would want me here, so that I could feel like I belong here, want me here so that I could feel like I belong here. And I think, over time, as I became more self-aware and self-reflective of what some of these root causes were or what was pushing me to act this way, I started to make a pivot right. So as I came into my adulthood, it more fueled my desire to be a better contributor. So it's me coming into this space not necessarily asking what can I do so that people will like me, but what can I do to contribute to this space, to help the space to grow, to improve whatever systems are already in place or maybe just improve the vibe? And I think feedback has been very critical in allowing me to continuously stay adaptable.

J.R.: 11:48

Nice. There's a lot of different threads there and I feel like we're going to get to some of those a little bit later in the later topics, but I like that so far. One question I had is being overseas. I'm sure that was an amazing experience culturally, and also educationally and socially as well. Were there any standout takeaways or kind of like how being abroad has changed you or insights that you've learned that you feel like other people could benefit from?

Aeden: 12:15

I'm sure that can go really deep, but I guess, any like that at you know surface level stuff that you can touch on first and we'll see yeah, I think the biggest takeaway that I got first when I moved abroad was just do the thing. And that came because I realized if people were doing things and I wanted to do it, but they don't want to do it a second time, if I waited I would never do it, and so I pushed myself to just do what I wanted to do. When I moved to Thailand, one of the things that I knew I wanted to do right away was learn Thai, because I was like sure, I'm in Bangkok, so there are probably English speakers, there are probably people who can help me out, but is that how I want to be living my life while I'm here? And so I did research. I found a school, I studied and within about six months I was conversationally fluent. Wow, to a point where I think people were like oh, are you like?

Aeden: 13:15

like mixed yeah are you mixed, did you like? Go to an international school and use English, mostly because your Thai is usable, but it's like your pronunciation is strange. So yeah, I think just really do things is my big takeaway from living abroad.

J.R.: 13:33

I like that and I feel like that's a common thread Again, like knowing you and us being closer friends. Now I feel like one thing that I admire about you is like you actually do the things that you're interested in, even if it's all scattered and whatnot.

J.R.: 13:44

but I feel like the problem a lot of people do is that they don't just try enough things to really feel like what resonates with them and that's why they get stuck with what they're doing and they're not feeling fulfilled, but I do appreciate that you were like oh, that sounds interesting, yeah, let's just do it. And then you just go for it. Anything else that you would say you learned abroad that kind of affected your current trajectory and or anything you can link to your aspirations like career wise.

Aeden: 14:06

I know that's another big can of worms we can open, but I would say another big takeaway is to not be afraid, specifically not be afraid to be wrong. I think, especially as I was living in Thailand, japan, korea, some of the things that I feared at first was, like I don't want to have a cultural misstep. It's hard because I look Asian and so when I'm there they expect me to know. Or sometimes, if I'm like walking around Korea and I don't understand Korean, they'll yell at me. They're like why don't you understand? I'm sorry.

Aeden: 14:44

I'm sorry, I'm new, I'm here so I think it was hard to feel like the pressure of you have to be perfect, you have to be ready and not be there, and so I had to work on myself in the way that I viewed myself, to let myself know and remind myself constantly like it's okay to be wrong, it's okay for people to be mad at me or to be frustrated with me because I don't get it. What's more important is that I am adaptable and I adjust to what I can when I can. So if I don't know it now now, I'll know it for next time. But the fear that I feel coming into that should not prevent me from doing things or being prepared to come forward.

J.R.: 15:30

Yeah. I like that. Okay, I guess anything else Do you want to touch on? Anything about, like career aspirations or like how your journey up until now has informed what you want to do, how your journey up until now has informed what you want to do, maybe not as a career, but maybe just your purpose or something that you're passionate about. That you want to go all in on, because I know there's a lot of things you like doing and I know you have a career and I know you have career aspirations just knowing you personally.

J.R.: 15:55

But is there anything that's like? Okay, here's my aspiration, career-wise, or even just purpose-wise?

Aeden: 16:05

maybe it's not a career, but maybe it's just a purpose. Do you have anything like that? Yeah, I think when it comes to career, early on I felt this, I think, society-based pressure to choose one and stick with one and then run with it for like 50 years until I retire and or die 50, 100, or 200 years Exactly, and I found that because my interests are so disparate they're so all over the board that it's okay for me to hop.

Aeden: 16:28

And I came to terms with that when I realized, okay, I've touched three or four different industries and I haven't really settled in anything, but I do love them all. So do I have to pick? And I think that's when I ran up against that social pressure and I realized who says I have to right? Who says we need to just settle with one job or one industry? If I want to do one and then I want to swap later, who's stopping me? Sure, I might have to start over, but isn't that the fun part of starting a new project? Right like beginning. So that was one.

Aeden: 17:04

But I do think that a lot of the things that I've learned in the past have driven me to be more ambitious when I enter an industry. So, for example, I am pretty new to project management and I only got into it because, one, I talked to you about it and two, because I was in a position at work where it was pretty stagnant, nothing was changing, and I wanted, quite honestly, more money. And in order to get more money, I would need a new title. And so I approached my manager and I was like what titles can we look at that will pay me better and what can I do to get from here to there, asking the right questions, yeah. And so I was like, okay, great, I got the certification, I have the years, now Can I get the title and can I get the money? And then, after I got it, I was like what's next? Right, so what can I do to keep growing and keep developing?

Aeden: 18:01

I think that sort of gung-ho attitude was fostered by my experience abroad through graduate school, like you mentioned before. In graduate school, specifically, like my advisory committee was very relaxed. The only times I ever saw them was when I scheduled with them or when I pushed for them to meet with me. The only reason I had my defense states was because I set them myself and then I had the program follow up with the professors to make sure they would show up. So that sort of initiative, I think, has been integral to my career moving at all.

J.R.: 18:32

Yeah, definitely. I think that's a common thread that, as a outsider, as a friend, that I think people can learn from, is that initiative that you take to kind of? Move your career or your aspirations in the direction that you want, because I did a similar thing too, which was like okay, I know where I want to be, I want to have a high position, to make more money or whatever, and then the jumps that we made through project management, I think significantly increased our income.

J.R.: 18:57

We don't have to talk about numbers, but it's oh this is very nice, you know this is a nice jump For me personally I will say, like when I went from before project management and then getting more serious about it, like it literally doubled my income and so that's like a big ROI and I think that mindset that you have is something that people can ask those tough questions and be vulnerable and get coaching.

Aeden: 19:18

It can pay off a lot, yeah, and I would even add that, if anybody is interested, listen to JR. That's my big advice, because, yeah, like, even within the past couple months, I have also doubled my income in my work in project management.

J.R.: 19:36

And so we love money.

Aeden: 19:37

Yeah, you know, we love making money, we love making ends meet and being able to then turn that resource around and fund our friends, fund our community, fund our interests, of course. So shout out yeah definitely.

J.R.: 19:49

So, yeah, before we switch off of that, there's one thing I wanted to talk about. Actually, you know what? I think we're fine there. That was all gold. Okay, let's go. Actually, this is kind of not really a pivot we're already talking about this but the importance of coaching and feedback is the next topic that I want to talk about. I would say the initial question is what is the importance of coaching that has that it has in your life? Like, what role did it play and what makes you want to seek out coaching? I know you mentioned just earlier that it's like that, that need to please people, but I know some of it is also like your own inherent desire to improve and then to achieve right, like it's that inherent desire to become better. Was there anything else in the mix of that that made you seek out coaching or feedback, or just that mindset?

Aeden: 20:29

I was thinking about this a little bit earlier in the week and I actually don't know where that desire came from. I think, like I said before, it was rooted in like a desire of wanting to feel accepted, wanting to feel seen, and perhaps it's overlaid with looking for the authority figure in the space to recognize me, because that, in my mind, as an asian right, has more value. Right it's? Oh my gosh, the authority figure likes me like I'm doing great, you know. So I think that's probably where it was first planted, and then I started seeing the benefits of actually tapping into that resource. Looking to the person who has experience or who has authority or who has skill in that space, someone who everyone else looks up to, looking to them and then getting feedback from them, has proven to be invaluable.

J.R.: 21:24

I totally agree. I feel, like in any area in life that you want to grow in or shortcut the process and not bang your head against the wall, definitely find a coach or a mentor or someone who is where you want to be, has the results and is able to teach you, because there are people who have the results but they're not good at teaching. And then vice versa, like maybe you're a good teacher, but I also question if you don't have the results yourself absolutely. And so, like finances, fitness we did for comedy, you know what I mean all this other stuff super valuable and then like career wise and everything else in between, if you want better results, you know you can just ask, but sometimes it's. I feel like I don't know if you have a thought about this, but there's something that holds people back. I think it's just ego, or ego or just like pride, I guess.

Aeden: 22:07

Absolutely. I think one of the things that has really served me in this process is always humbling myself. Something that I've told folks before is I would much rather be the weakest person in the room than the strongest, and that's because, being the weakest person, I have practically unlimited opportunities for growth. Everyone in the room can teach me. Everyone in the room has something that I can learn from. If I'm the strongest now, it puts pressure on me to be the one to lead, to be the one to teach and mentor and hand that off, which I think is a great challenge and a great opportunity, great experience.

J.R.: 22:45

But it's definitely different from being the person in the room who gets to learn, and I think that's what excites me about starting new projects or shifting into new industries it's unlimited potential, unlimited opportunity yeah I've said that in an interview once where I forgot how the question goes, but my answer was basically like I would rather be like the quote-unquote dumbest person in the room because I know I'm in the right room.

J.R.: 23:07

If I feel like I'm the smartest person in the room, I'm definitely in the wrong room. Right, because you don't want to. Be sure, as the smartest person in the room, you will probably get paid a lot. However, you will not learn and you will not grow into the person that you need to become. And also, being on like competitive teams or even in my current team, where some of the, let's say, the less experienced people feel very demotivated that everyone's better than them and, aside from the fact that obviously those people have been putting in the work, so of course they're going to be better. But I always tell those new people that if you feel like you're the worst person in this room, it's you're in the right place, because that's how you get better, and I'm assuming your goal is to get better, not to be the best.

J.R.: 23:42

But to get better and so, therefore, you see that as a as a sign that you are in the place you're supposed to be yeah, agreed, and I definitely struggle with those thoughts as well.

Aeden: 23:52

Right, it's. Sometimes I'm like, okay, I've been the worst in this room for quite some time okay.

J.R.: 23:57

I'm kind of tired of being the worst in the room. Now, when's it time for me to bump up a ranking?

Aeden: 24:01

yeah, you know, can know, can I be like second worst?

J.R.: 24:03

You know Some sort of improvement.

Aeden: 24:06

Yeah, exactly, and I think it's okay to feel that way. Right, it's the adaptability, the importance of recognizing. You know, I'm feeling shitty today, I'm feeling poopy. Let's feel bad for a minute and then now let's use that as motivation.

J.R.: 24:26

Let's like turn that around and get this car going. You know, yeah, definitely any more takeaways from like coaching, feedback or any good stories that you feel like stand out to you. That was really a shift in your mindset or how you see things oh, so many.

Aeden: 24:36

Oh, I have so, so many. I think there was this one time when I was with my vocal coach and two other students and the three of us were working on a harmony together and he would cut us off like three notes in and then point at me and he's like you are fucking it up, you are the problem. Start again and don't fuck up this time. And I was like, okay, okay, I'll do my best, but obviously right, like when you get into that headspace, you're shutting down. Do my best, but obviously right, like when you get into that headspace, you're shutting down. You're not like responsive, you're not as adaptable. And he kept doing it and he kept doing it and he kept doing it. And so, about an hour in, I was like can I get one moment please? And then I stepped out and like sobbed and I was like, oh my God, I'm so awful. I was like, oh my god, I'm so awful. I was like, okay, but we still have a full session of ahead of us. I cried for two minutes. I was like, okay, that's a waste of two minutes, but not really because that two minutes allowing me to process through my emotions, right. I was like okay, great, I'm gonna go back in, I'm gonna be productive and we're gonna get this done. Great, we were not productive, but I think it was a useful learning experience, because he did talk to me about it afterwards. He's like okay, so this is normally pressure for you to learn how to handle pressure or handle negative emotions in a space in which you still need to get work done. And he was like very clearly, you shut down. And I was like yes, absolutely. And he's great, now that we know that you shut down, or like we know where you shut down or why you shut down, what can we do to start addressing it? What can we do to start figuring out how to get you through this space?

Aeden: 26:28

And part of it was the way that I was talking to myself and he had said sure, I was saying you're fucking it up, but how are you taking that? Because if you're taking that as oh yeah, you're right, I'm fucking it up, you're putting yourself down, you are not meeting the obstacle with intention and strength and like purpose, you are letting it steamroll you. And so he's like when I come at you like that, when I say you're fucking it up, you need to be like all right, I'm gonna show you that I'm not like you're wrong, I'm not the one who's wrong here and he's like yeah, that's the energy. You need to come at it with right, like when people are negative with you. You need to bring back more positivity, more energy, and I was like, oh damn, I never thought about that. I was just like I thought I was supposed to be steamrolled. I thought I was supposed to cry yeah.

Aeden: 27:21

I'm supposed to feel bad, right, and he's like well, you could but like yeah.

Aeden: 27:25

What does that do for you? Who benefits? Who here benefits from that? Including yourself? No one, right. But if you come back with vigor, right, and you do, even better, who's gonna yell at you? Now, no one can talk to you that way, because now they know that if they present you a challenge, you're going to overcome it no matter what. And I was like, damn, that was good.

Aeden: 27:47

And he has this really trippy way of always connecting all of our lessons and it kind of pisses me off because I was like dude, how did I not see this? But he connected it to a later lesson where he asked me to listen to other people perform and then provide feedback. And I was like, oh, my god, that was so great guys, you guys sound awesome. And he's like okay, that was the shittiest feedback I've ever heard, dude. And I was like I don't know, you could fix this, I don't know. And then he was like so the reason why you have your feedback is so fluffy is because in your head, you're afraid of being the asshole, because that's how you talk to yourself. So when you mess up and you're like, fuck, I fucked up, that's the exact same intention that you're approaching other people with. And so when you hear something that you don't like, your brain even though you might not say this right, your brain will say, oh, they fucked up. And that's why, when people ask you to vocalize it, you can't because you don't want to be the asshole. So to fix that, be more intentional with your feedback with others. And he gave me this formula where he said okay, you start with your highlight and you start with your areas of improvement. This entire thing is feedback. You have to do both. If you don't do both, it is not feedback. And when you provide this, you have to be specific. So it can't just be oh, that was awesome, it has to be like.

Aeden: 29:08

I liked how, in this part of the song, you did this, because it made me feel this. What I think I would like for you to try in the second half is to do this so it changes the energy, so that level of intention shows consideration, right intent. So I'm not just listening, I'm like paying attention. And as I got better at practicing this for others, eventually it trickled back to how I was talking to myself. So in my own practices I now have a healthier way of approaching like, oh, that didn't sound the way that I liked it, how I would have liked it to sound. So what can I do to adjust it Versus? Ah, fuck, I suck, somebody kill me. Oh my God, I'm going to quit, I'm over it. So I think that's been some of the most helpful coaching things I've had. It's like really looking at how we engage with ourselves, with others, and allowing the two to connect and then recognizing how the one impacts the other.

J.R.: 30:11

I like that. I think that's a well, that was amazing. Rewind that part if you need it. That's like feedback, it's I don't know. I feel like that was a masterclass in like feedback and how to give it. I think that transitions perfectly into the next topic, which is like therapy.

J.R.: 30:25

However, I remember my old question, which was we'll go back to career real quick and then we'll go back to the topic number three, but my question for you is you know, working in all of these different fields and also with your different interests and your different experiences abroad and education Are there any things? Like you said, you know I can work in any industry, or just having experience, but are there any common threads that you feel like we have woven through all those things? That connects you to what you think you are good at Because you've worked in these industries? And I'm asking this because, also, I know you as a friend and I kind of know the answer, or at least I have an answer in my head, but yours could be different. But do you feel like there's a common thread for all those things that like, okay, I've done all these different jobs and careers, but my higher thing is probably the thing that connects all those things is clearly it's what I'm drawn to or it's the thing that's a common denominator.

Aeden: 31:14

I have considered this as well, just because, back when I was wondering about like, oh my God, do I have to pick one job? I was like, okay, what ties everything together? Let's just do that. And I believe that the thing I strive for, no matter what industry I'm in or no matter what hobby I pick up or activity I'm trying to do the one thing that drives me is optimization and efficiency.

Aeden: 31:40

I don't like waste, I don't like wasting my time, I don't like wasting my money and I don't like wasting my energy. And so if I'm going to do anything, I'm going to make sure that it is giving me the most that I can get out of it. And I also strongly believe that anything you put into a thing, it will come back to you tenfold, right? So if I'm investing all this time, energy, into my work, it's going to give me back dividends, like the ROI is always great, so there's no reason to not give more. Yeah, so, no matter what I do, right? So even in service, I'm like okay, I can make this process more efficient. I can line up how I'm like greeting guests, seating guests, taking their orders. How can I do this in a way that is most efficient and effective, so that I'm getting people in, allowing them to have a great time and then getting them out, and I think this has proven to be extremely helpful in my project management work. I'll get a process and I'll look at it. I'll find points that I can improve or points that I don't understand, and dig into it more.

Aeden: 32:42

It's like why do we do it this way? Why not this way? Oh, okay, that doesn't work. Great, now I have a better understanding of the system. If we can make that change, let's make it. Why didn't we make it sooner? And that has led to a number of my co-workers being like how did we never think of this? You know something as simple as like why don't we just alphabetize our finance reports so we can find our clients quicker? And the finance department was like oh, we never thought of that. I was like that's great, we have a solution now. Right, like solutions problems we didn't know we had. And I think that carries over into my artistry as well. Right, so singing, dancing if I'm gonna sing and I'm in a recording session, I'm gonna make sure that I get the most out of this recording session that I can. I'm not going to spend 30 minutes crying about it. Because that's 30 minutes wasted, I will cry for two minutes.

J.R.: 33:32

That's not optimized at all.

Aeden: 33:36

Shorten the crying period so you can lengthen the productivity.

J.R.: 33:40

Nice, I like that. I think that's one of the things I respect about you a lot, and also the reason why I think we vibe well is because I also think that way like optimization, reducing waste. As project managers, we kind of see like the overarching structure and how to make processes more efficient, because I feel like that just it's a tide that rise, a rising tide that lifts all boats, and so since we think similar, that way, I think that's why we get along really well. And I think also, like in any future aspirations that you have in your career, if you were to do some sort of business, consulting, I feel like you'd be really good at it.

J.R.: 34:10

Thank, you Because in any job that you do. I feel like you thrive in that sort of role to make things better for everyone. I feel like it's a huge value add.

J.R.: 34:17

Thank you.

J.R.: 34:18

All right. Topic number three. So therapy I lot and you talk about this in your comedy as well, which I really enjoy. We're probably not going to cover stand-up comedy in this episode, maybe in the future one but that's one thing I love talking about because it's so much fun.

J.R.: 34:33

Quick side note it's what's it called. So, Aeden will, we'll talk. Okay, there's last, the last stand-up we did. Right, a lot of my stuff is like asian jokes because that's just kind of what I wanted to talk about, right. But then, and usually you'll talk about therapy or like gay jokes or something like that, and then, but you went first and then you told all these Asian jokes and I'm like all right, guys, when I got up I was like all right, Aeden told all the Asian jokes, I'm going to tell the gay jokes now.

J.R.: 34:59

And you recorded my video for that. You were just dying.

J.R.: 35:02

And I was like, yes, I got one laugh, it's worth it.

Aeden: 35:04

Oh, definitely more than one, but I was several of them Nice, so anyways.

J.R.: 35:12

So the topic of therapy I feel like this is something that you know a lot of people can benefit from, a lot of people that we know have therapy, and it's kind of like a version of coaching, of improvement, feedback. I guess my question is like what made you want to seek out therapy?

Aeden: 35:32

And I guess what are some of the biggest insights or takeaways that you learned about yourself, or like the skills or tools that you've learned through therapy to help you manage whatever you're going through? Good questions. Growing up, I was quite with myself, with my family, my situation, whatever. I always found something to be extremely unhappy about. And so at some point in my early university years, my mom approached me and she's like can I get you a therapist? And I was like you're paying right? Because, if you are, then yes, please. I was like, yeah, that's just added value for me, right? I don't spend anything and I get therapy. We love it, you know.

Aeden: 36:05

And I started off with a therapist that I was like very about. She was mostly sounding board, so anything I said she would say back and I was like, yeah, you know, I don't know, I think it's hard to talk to my parents. And she's like so it's hard to talk to your parents. And I was like, yes, I just said that. And I was with her for maybe a year, a year and a half, and then I finally stopped seeing her. But at that point I was like you know what? I think I'm gonna try to find a therapist that works for me like she. She might work for other people and that's great for them, but I need to find someone who works for me and so I was specifically trying to find, like a queer, asian, american. And that's hard because we don't have a very expensive network to like market diverse therapists right, it's go to better help or whatever. Don't actually, but I hope it's bad for therapists.

Aeden: 36:57

But I put out an APB and then I had friends reach out who's like oh well, I'm seeing this Asian woman and I think she's great and I have now been with that therapist for years, years, years, years, years. I feel like it's maybe five or six years now and I love her. I love her. I see her every week and through my therapy experiences. So the first therapist she was like oh yeah, you dude, you're like super depressed and super anxiety. So here's some meds, just take it. I was like okay, chill, nice, I yeah you know, we love drugs.

Aeden: 37:37

Can we say that one second?

J.R.: 37:39

you guys can hear tone right. That's called sarcasm.

Aeden: 37:43

Oh my lord so stand-up comedy, y'all a joke.

J.R.: 37:46

Yeah, we're all just joking.

Aeden: 37:48

For legal purposes. This is a joke.

J.R.: 37:50

We're all just joking. Also, I'm never going to get that BetterHelp sponsorship. Thanks, man, I'm so sorry, I don't care.

Aeden: 37:57

Yeah, so I was on medication for a while, but my mother is a nurse and so her recommendation is to try to get off medication as soon as possible, because she's like you know, adding all these extra chemicals to your body all the time isn't great. You're like your body is meant to operate naturally, so use it if you need it, but don't become reliant upon it. And I was like okay, great. She also said the ssris were negatively impacting our health insurance. So she's like get off of it because it's making the insurance expensive. And I I was like tight, great to know.

Aeden: 38:29

But that's when I started getting a lot more into this self-reflective state. Being able to work with my newer and now current therapist. She really pushes me for a lot of introspection, so I'll talk to her about. Oh yeah, this is what I'm feeling, this is what I think, and she's like okay, but why? And I was like what do you mean? Why? And she's like I don't know.

Aeden: 38:55

You said you're irritated. Why are you irritated? And I was like I don't know. It's just I don't like it when people do this. She's like you don't like when people do that, for why? And really pushing that why forced me to face some issues that I had not considered before, or issues that I had been trying to ignore, and the nice thing about that is now I'm starting to see the connective tissue between a lot of the things that I run into. This behavior pisses me off across the board, why? Oh, it's all tied back to how I perceive my value as an individual, and now I feel like everyone's poking it, and therefore, if I want to resolve this issue, I have to focus on how I interpret my value, and I think that sort of digging to the root cause is something that is so invaluable from a therapist.

Aeden: 39:53

People are really in the weeds when it comes to their emotions, their experiences and perspectives, and I think the value that you can get from a therapist is an outsider perspective, from someone that one you can trust trust, but two can also know you intimately without knowing you right, because I could talk to you. But there's this connection that we have that now tints the way that either you perceive information I share you or I perceive information that you share me, and that's something that I don't have to worry with. About my therapist, I can tell her my entire life story and still be like but we're not friends, and that's the professional line of therapy that allows you to be able to poke these holes in each other and still be okay. I think it would hurt me if something like a best friend was just like have you considered you're the problem, and I was like, okay, back up, that's not what I'm here for, versus my therapist is like okay, I think it's you like, yeah, the in this situation it sounds like you are the problem.

J.R.: 40:58

It's not personal, but it's like they're actual professional, like they've been listening to you and that's what they think.

Aeden: 41:02

The exactly yeah, and I think that's why it's so important to find a therapist who aligns with you and matches with you. My therapist laughs all the time and I love it when she does, because I was like, great, we're having a good time you know I made you laugh yeah, I was like I'm so glad you're laughing at my pain, like someone has to, in order for us to optimize pain.

J.R.: 41:20

There you go, no and then use it for a stand-up comedy material exactly, and that's something I told my therapist as well.

Aeden: 41:26

I was like okay, I need you to calm down, because the better you are at your job, the worst I am at comedy, like I have no content, oh no, your life sucks I know it's hi everyone. I'm here to do comedy my life's great my life is great relationships all right, awful, awful.

Aeden: 41:42

that's. No one enjoys that, you know exactly. Yeah, so that's some of the stuff that I've gotten through therapy, definitely like introspection, and because you and I are both optimizers, we're always looking for ways to improve things. It's a very mechanical approach for me and the challenge that my therapist has now is to try to connect me on an emotional level to these behaviors that I have or these habits that I have. One of the things that she likes to remind me she an emotional level to these behaviors that I have or these habits that I have, one of the things that she likes to remind me. She's like you're not a robot, you don't have to do it like that. And I was like what do you mean? I do not understand. Do not compute your advice. Exactly, yeah, I'm like a frigging Cyberman, dalek type thing. It's just like eliminate, delete, delete. Yeah, like a frigging Cyberman.

J.R.: 42:29

Dalek type thing. It's just like eliminate, delete, delete.

Aeden: 42:30

Yeah my feelings are hurt. Yeah, what are feelings Exactly? So sometimes she'll say like, okay, you experience feelings and we know this because you get frustrated when you do, because you want to be a robot but just feel them, just try that. Okay, you're feeling an emotion, sit with it for five minutes, start with that, start with one minute, if that's what your capacity is at just sit with your emotion and feel it. Don't try to logic it, don't try to think your way through it or process why through the emotion. Just feel the emotion, allow it to breathe and then you can work through it. But if you're skipping that part and you're working through it, then it's not doing for you what it's meant to do, which I think is very the theme of inside out one right, oh, sadness, needs to feel something so you can move forward. No, no, you know, it's fine, we don't need to think about, and I think that's what I have been doing for a long time. I like it, it.

J.R.: 43:25

And I like the movie reference too, because I think both movies are very impactful as like a metaphor for like how we deal with our feelings and how important they are, and it's the importance of not trying to hide or suppress or push them away. I feel like it was pretty invaluable takeaway.

J.R.: 43:39

Yeah, and.

J.R.: 43:40

I feel like when you're, as you're talking about that, like kind of like feeling your emotions and not being a robot, I feel like as another analytical type as well. Sometimes I do that like I'll respond to something that like hits me emotionally with just logic, and sometimes, if my energy is just drained, I'm like all right, well, I'm a computer right now until I can get through the situation and then handle it later on. So sometimes if, let's say, I get to a situation where something hurts me emotionally or someone says something, right I would just turn it around and just be logical.

J.R.: 44:05

I'm like, oh yeah, this is, this is, and they're just like, oh, he's not receptive to that. And then all of a sudden I can deal with that later. But I guess what I'm saying is sometimes I feel like I do use that as like a defense mechanism when I can't handle the emotion in the moment.

Aeden: 44:16

But then you know, yeah, come back to it eventually absolutely and I think that's something I learned is come back to it eventually, and the sooner the better. Right, um, because my habit has been to be like, oh you know, I'll come back to it, and I just don't, and it just piles and piles and piles and piles, up until one day I just collapse from the weight of everything I've collected. So it's definitely important to try to piecemeal it and come back to it when you can, as soon as you can, so that you don't collect it and then you know you'll be on that tv show hoarders or something. It's like what are you hoarding emotions?

J.R.: 44:52

emotions. Yes, nice, I like it. Um, okay, a quick on that note too. Have you heard that saying where it's like, you know, like the life-changing magic of tidying up? Maria condo, a big takeaway I got from that was like the reason why we have so much stuff and we hoard is an emotional aspect.

J.R.: 45:11

Right, it's the fear of losing something, or the anxiety of not having something you'll need in the future yeah and so that's why people become hoarders is because they feel like, oh no, but I don't want to forget this, I don't want to lose this thing, even though I don't realize, like, the significance of the thing that they have is in the intent, not necessarily the object, because not all objects we have are functional. It's just like a memorabilia, right, yeah?

J.R.: 45:32

or a gift that you just don't want to throw away, but that gift's intention was already created and you've received it, so the physical thing is just a thing, and then the anxiety over the future is oh, but I need to keep all these 10 different things, because what if I need it tomorrow or in two years or in 10 years? And now you're just having real estate like stuff clutter your house and that's just a reflection of your emotional state and my personal goal is to like have as little things as possible. Obviously, we need functional stuff, but I'm trying to get to that point where I can become a monk and not have stuff, cause I'm like the less stuff I have, the more happy I am, because I know it's just a reflection of my mental clutter, but that's just how I see it. Anything else on therapy or big lessons or takeaways that you feel like were impactful for you.

Aeden: 46:14

I will say I think the nice thing about therapy is like many other things anything you take from it is applicable to other aspects in your life as well, or like other fields in your life. So, for example, I went to therapy to work on myself, to not be so unhappy all the time, and what that has led me to is like clearer communication, stronger boundaries, better relationships with people in my family. I've learned to like navigate things in ways that I hadn't considered before, not because therapy told me to, but therapy has given me tools to figure it out myself, or at least highlighted for me tools that I already have.

J.R.: 46:56

And those things are really nice, Right. It's definitely a good investment of your time to learn all those skills and share pass along too right.

Aeden: 47:04

Yeah definitely, as I therapize my family members. Have you considered why are you talking to me like this?

J.R.: 47:13

I like it. You ready for rapid fire questions?

J.R.: 47:15

yes, sir all right.

J.R.: 47:17

On that note too, I forgot just to circle back. You're like yeah, you know, therapists can tell you. I think you're the problem. Friends, I'll take it personally.

Aeden: 47:22

I've told you you're the problem, like directly, like many times yeah, and honestly, I think that's one of the nice things about where my mindset has grown. I think I've gotten to a place where I want people to point that out to me.

J.R.: 47:35

The testament to your growth and yeah.

Aeden: 47:38

I think, as we were talking about before, like there's this ego and this fear around, like being wrong or not being good enough, and I have worked on trying to relocate that emotional home instead of being there to be in a space of no, like it's okay to be wrong and, honestly, if anything, it's better to be wrong because that gives you an opportunity to grow and if someone is willing to tell you that, that means they trust you and that means so much more to me than someone being like oh no, you're good, it's fine.

J.R.: 48:04

Yeah, like lying to your face or just giving you the sugar coated. Yeah, yeah, it's totally fine. Okay, cool, I don't want to run too over, but let's go billboard question. So if you could put up a sign for millions of people to see, what would it say?

Aeden: 48:17

If you are right, you can gloat, if you are wrong, you can grow. Thank you, it took me a minute to craft that one. I was like wait, how do I?

J.R.: 48:24

Yeah, it's like a saying that we all know, or it's like an idea we all know, but I like the way you worded it.

Aeden: 48:29

Thank you.

J.R.: 48:30

What is one of the hardest challenges you face in your life? What did you learn from it?

Aeden: 48:35

I would say, fixing my relationship with my mother. We've had a very like, rocky relationship, so in the beginning it was very like idolizing, vitalizing. My mother could do no wrong. She's perfect. I want to be her. And then it flipped when I realized that she didn't trust me the way that I trust her, and then it was like I don't want to be anything like her.

Aeden: 48:52

But at this point it's a little too late, because I spent two decades trying to be here and then eventually we found balance through that process. That's when I learned how to apply my therapy and a lot of my coaching. And, oh, how can I learn to communicate with this person, this person who has like a lifetime of experience and has gone through things that I won't go through? Right? How do I take what she's telling me, process it and respond with my own opinions and perspectives, but in a way that she can understand? And if? If she doesn't, what can we do together to move forward? And I think that's been an invaluable tool for me to now expand to other relationships in my life.

J.R.: 49:35

I love it and also you know your relationship with your mom is like one of your most important ones. Of course, you want to fix that and make that stronger, right yeah, it's great Self-inflicted wound.

Aeden: 49:51

Do you have a story about something that's gone wrong in your life that's your own fault and you can't blame anyone else? Oh, so many, so so many. One, maybe two. This one was real dumb of me.

Aeden: 49:55

When I first moved to england, I got a credit card and I was like, oh, okay, cool, so I know how this works. You put you like you charge on the card and then you pay it off tight, but I was clearly charging more than I was paying off and I didn't understand the concept of like deadlines for credit cards or like a credit limit. And so I bought a ticket to Barcelona and I couldn't buy a ticket back and I was like, why is my card not working? And so I had to do an international call back home to my parents and I was like, yeah, the weirdest thing, like it was was working fine, and then now it's not working, like I don't understand. And my dad was like, let me check. Oh, you hit the credit limit. And I was like there's a limit what I thought yeah, I thought it was mean girls.

Aeden: 50:42

You know, like the limit does not exist, but apparently it doesn't. Apparently it was not high because this was my first credit card and I was still in uni. So I'm very fortunate to have parents who are willing to support me. My dad was like, okay, I'm gonna get you a ticket back.

J.R.: 50:57

But you need to tighten this ship. Yeah, nice. Well, great place to learn it in another country, oof rip me with like potentially not being able to get home, all right. If you could redo one thing, what would you do differently?

Aeden: 51:12

Oh man, I have a lot of regrets and I think that's how I've learned. So sometimes I think about wanting to redo them, but I appreciate that I am who I am in. My mindset is what it is because of them. No-transcript. More self-awareness at an earlier age so that I can be more aware of, like, why my emotions were processing. They were processing why I was feeling the way I was feeling and communicate it more clearly. For the first two decades of my life, I think I was very belligerent and my family didn't know what to do with me because they could never figure out, like, why he's like, why do you feel like this? Or like, why are you acting like this? We don't understand.

J.R.: 51:55

And I was like you just you know, you just don't get it, and you didn't even know yourself. Yeah, I don't even know why.

Aeden: 52:02

I'm like it was like I didn't get it and I think that was the problem. So if I could change anything, that's, I think, what I would like to have changed nice okay, similar vein.

J.R.: 52:10

If you could give your younger self advice, any age, any time period, what would it be?

Aeden: 52:15

I would say don't wait for people to give you purpose. Give yourself purpose. Don't look to receive value from other people. Find value in yourself. And I think the unfortunate nature of the american education system is they teach you to be good rule followers, good instruction followers, good factory workers. And so we, by the time we get into university, we're pretty locked out of a lot of the adaptability and creativity that is inherently born into a lot of us. So I definitely got into points of my life where I was like, if you tell me what to do, I will be excellent at it, but you have to tell me what to do and a great factory worker exactly, and I think that prevented me from developing a lot earlier or learning a lot of the things that I had to learn much later in my life.

Aeden: 53:01

That's the advice I would have given myself don't wait, just do yeah, I like that a lot.

J.R.: 53:05

I see that as a side tangent, like my little brother.

J.R.: 53:07

He just turned 14 I think 13 or 14 and he's a really rambunctious, creative kid and I always tell him and my parents, I'm like okay, look like school is going to teach you how to be a good worker right, and that's great. But daniel, my brother, is like a really creative kid and I'm like try to protect that creativity and like that sort of eye of like you know how he approaches the world, because he's a very creative person, like genuinely, because like school is going to force you into this sort of track and like to think this way show up on time and all this stuff which is fine.

J.R.: 53:36

You know, do your best and don't slack off, but also realize that there is school. Doesn't value like that sort of creative mind aspect as much, or like figuring yourself out as much, as if you do figure that out, you'll be like leagues ahead of everyone else who's just trying to show up on time and follow their work and then, once you graduate, find your job or whatever. It's like you.

Aeden: 53:56

You're gonna be like much better off for that yeah, and it's ironic because once you get out of school, then what they want is your critical thinking. Yeah exactly. That's not what we learned, yeah they're like we don't want factory workers at this point like to get further in your career. We want you to be creative, and so I think it's very interesting that it's it on you afterwards, exactly All right.

J.R.: 54:17

Next question In the last few years, what new belief, behavior or habit has improved your life?

Aeden: 54:23

Listening, I know it seems obvious. I'm glad you started listening I know it's real, it's real hard You're going through life just like this, Like hello what. Absolutely 100%. That's something I learned from my vocal coach, because he would give me new songs and then he would say, okay, learn this, sing this. And then I would sing it and he's like, did you even listen to this song? And I was like, I don't think you're hearing the same song.

J.R.: 54:47

I am because that was yeah, it was just like dude?

Aeden: 54:50

yeah, of course I did, and he's like then why don't you know how it goes? And so he had started workshopping with me. It's about how to listen, not just like listening for oh, what am I listening for? Notes, okay, great, melody, great, whatever. No, it's like looking for intention, right, like purpose, design, and listening without thinking first. And I think that's something that's hard for me because, especially as an optimizer, my brain's always okay. I hear what can I do? What can I do, what?

Aeden: 55:20

can I do Going to solution Exactly so, like waiting for the input and figuring it out Exactly, and so one of the things that he has emphasized for me is like listen first and then take time to think, then you can respond. But if you're hanging on to a response while you're listening, you're not listening because you're hanging on to that response. That's taking priority, it's sucking up your capacity and that is now preventing you from actually hearing what the song is doing and how you can move through it. People have to listen first, and I was like, oh, that's interesting. And he's like this is true of anything.

Aeden: 55:53

Like you're hanging out with people and everyone's like clamoring to talk over each other. No one gets anything out of the experience. But you know, you get the most value when you actually listen to each other. If someone's saying something and you make the eye contact and you listen and you respond with intention, even if other people are clamoring over you, that one person will recognize that you were listening and it'll have impact. And I was like, oh damn. And he's like, yeah, that's how you set the vibe, dude, like you think you just walk into a room and it's all.

J.R.: 56:24

Gucci, no, you gotta listen and I was like good point, I mentioned this before, but I feel like your vocal coach and I would be best friends, or something oh, he's filipino, so he's right out there like have that same brain yeah, there's, the world needs more of us, but cool. Next question, if you need, oh sorry, who would you call successful and how do you define success?

Aeden: 56:44

honestly, anyone who mentors me is someone I would say is successful. Anyone like my vocal coach, yourself. And the reason why I say that and the reason why I define success is because for me, success is having intention and purpose behind what you say you will do and then doing it. That sort of reliability to me is success. So your goal can be as simple as I want to cook more, and now you cook more. To me that's amazing.

Aeden: 57:13

A lot of people fail on the goals that they set themselves, whether big or small. So if you can do a small goal and then succeed, great. If you say I want to open a company and now you cook more, to me that's amazing. A lot of people fail on the goals that they set themselves, whether big or small. So if you can do a small goal and then succeed, great. If you say I want to open a company, I want to run this business, and you work towards it and eventually you get there, that's also success and that's something I aspire to that level of reliability, of confidence, of saying I will do this and then knowing that I will do it and I will get it done. And not only that, but getting it done to good quality.

J.R.: 57:39

The degree that you want to do it Exactly.

Aeden: 57:42

Optimize.

J.R.: 57:43

If you knew you couldn't fail, what would you try or what would you be doing right now?

Aeden: 57:57

I think my selfish response is I would love to be more of a performing artist. I would love to sing more, I would love to dance more, but I think what I actually would like is to open a community space like a cultural hub, where we have food sourced by local vendors, made by local folks, clothing, art books sourced by local folks, and then we can have cafe days, work sessions, board game nights, but also a stage or a community space where people can performance, exactly. So, oh, we have open mics or we have like little community shows put on and you don't have to pay to be here. If you want to pay for stuff, great, right, pay for local vendors. Like you want to pay for this person who made a t-shirt in their bedroom, right, like great, pay them, right.

Aeden: 58:39

Um, but you don't have to pay to be here, whereas some spaces I know it's oh, like restroom for customers only I totally get it, but I think that's oppositional to the energy of a community that I would want to build, and so that's the kind of space that I would love to see and love to be a part of. Yeah, I love it.

J.R.: 58:57

We talked about this before, but we have similar goals, aspirations, because I also do want to run a cafe, own it, and not as like a space for me to make a ton of money, but as like my fifth business. It would be like a space where I know it's not going to make money and that's not the point. It's to build a community. I feel like there's a lot of ROI. That's not the bottom line that you get from something like that.

J.R.: 59:15

Exactly.

J.R.: 59:16

All right, we're almost there. So what is one of the best or most worthwhile investments that you've ever made, either in time, money, energy or whatever?

Aeden: 59:27

I know this sounds a little hokey but I will say people, time, energy, money into the relationships that I have around me has proven to have great ROI. I'll meet people and my desire to want to build a relationship with them will naturally lead me towards wanting to invest that time, energy and money into them. And when I see reciprocation I just up my investment and I have found that that generates one strong relationship where people know that one. I'm reliable because if they ask for something, I'll do it. If I say I'll do it, I'll do it. If I can't, I can't. But that has also linked me to other great people and has linked me to other great opportunities, for example, even between us right.

Aeden: 1:00:16

Working with you at cafes, cafes doing stand-up comedy with you. I have a strong desire to continue, to want to invest in our relationship and it's proven to yield great outcomes for me. Right, my career is better, my finances are better. I've met some great people. For example, kat and I are besties now and I met her through you and I think that's like invaluable. I know I say that a lot in this podcast, but that's really what has been the greatest investment for me.

J.R.: 1:00:47

Nice, I would say that's such an aided answer, but not in a bad way, because that's also my answer. So yeah, last couple favorite recent purchase under or around $ to 100 has impacted your life in the last six months.

Aeden: 1:00:59

You can change the parameters, but sure I would say paying an interpreter to do in-language voice acting for my short film.

Aeden: 1:01:08

Oh, nice because I could have easily just had the short film in english, but I was like, you know, I kind of want to change it up.

Aeden: 1:01:16

The actors are already Asian, the staff's already Asian, so why not pick, like, an Asian language and then have them interpret the script into their language and then voice act it?

Aeden: 1:01:26

So you may not know this, but I had Ed, one of our dance friends, interpret or translate the script that I had written from English into Korean and then had him voice it, and then we dubbed it over the short film and for me that was just an added layer and added nuance to what I wanted the audience to get.

Aeden: 1:01:47

And one of the people who had watched it was a coworker of mine and she married a Korean guy and she messaged me separately and she was like I was watching it and my husband walked into the room and she's like I was watching it and my husband walked into the room and he's like what are you watching? And then he sat down, watched it with me and then cried and I was like, oh, and she's like dude, no, that's crazy, like. And so for me that was like great value. I was just like, oh dang, I'm so glad, I'm so, so glad that we did that, because it's showing that it's it has impact, like that decision isn't just oh you know what, whatever let's just throw, let's do whatever you know like.

Aeden: 1:02:26

there was intention behind it and that intention was met by the audience and it had impact. So for me, for me that really was important in developing my artistry as like a director or as a producer of the short film. But at the same time, it was also like invest in your friends and pay artists. I know a bunch of people are like, oh you know, let's get friends to do it, then it's free, haha.

Aeden: 1:02:48

And I was like no, pay your friends because, if anything, their labor should mean more to you their efforts and their contributions supporting them exactly advantage of your friends yeah, and I think that sure, saying like hey, I'm gonna pay you money is a motivation for folks to do stuff, but it's also a way for me to express my gratitude yeah, because sometimes I'll be like ah, it's okay, you know it's fine. I was like no, no, no, you're my friend. I want to make sure you, my friend, I want to make sure you get paid and I want to make sure you get paid well. So you're going to get paid better than industry standard, you know.

J.R.: 1:03:21

Yeah, nice. And are your short films like online? Yes, okay, we'll link to them. So, yeah, I just want to throw that in.

Aeden: 1:03:36

Okay, we're over time. Favorite books, movies, videos, articles, media that you share. Recommend the most uh favorite book, please look after mom by shin kyung, so it's been translated into english. Great book, four sections, each from a different perspective of a different family member, upon the disappearance of their mother, and I read through it and I was like this is riveting because I see aspects of myself in different family members.

Aeden: 1:03:53

And then I was like this is riveting because I see aspects of myself in different family members. And then I was like, oh, I understand this perspective, even though I don't see it. Because I was like, oh yeah, like that makes sense on family dynamics or whatever. And then you finally see the mother's perspective at the end and I was like, oh, my god, I'm crying.

Aeden: 1:04:11

I need therapy. I can feel it, yeah. So that book has been my number one recommendation to everyone. Strong rec. She's an amazing author and she recently released a second book called I Went to See Father, so I just bought it. I'm so ready to dig through it and I'm about to bawl my eyes out. Nice Movie, everything Everywhere All at Once. Please watch it.

J.R.: 1:04:31

Great book, nice Movie, good recs Okay, book nice movie good rex okay, we'll link to those as well. All right, that is it for rapid fire ending questions. So gratitude. We like to end with it Aeden, what are you grateful for?

Aeden: 1:04:42

I'm grateful for community. I'm grateful, grateful for mentors, coaches, therapists, family, and I'm grateful for you. Thanks, man, as well as this wonderful podcast space.

J.R.: 1:04:57

I know at podcast place shout out solomon he's the best. He's the best, yeah, cool. Any final ask from the audience or any takeaways that you want them to?

Aeden: 1:05:06

have from this conversation sure, let's do two actionable next steps. Very project manager of project management. Yeah, yep, exactly actionable. Next steps get a therapist if you can, if your insurance will cover it, if you have a mother who will pay for it.

J.R.: 1:05:23

You know, get a therapist, get adopted by Aeden mom, so she can pay for it.

Aeden: 1:05:26

Yeah, exactly definitely get a therapist. If you can, I would recommend shopping around. It's totally okay to schedule a couple therapists, see who you like and then eventually settle on one. It's like dating you need to find the one that works for you. The second thing, a little bit not as actionable in its immediacy, but interrogate your intention. I think people who sit down and really ask themselves why they do something, for what reason they do something, why they do it the way that they do it. When you interrogate these things, you learn a lot about yourself and that, in turn, also helps you learn a lot about how other people operate. And so really interrogate your intentions and then move with it.

J.R.: 1:06:11

Nice, I like it All right. So last thing is where can we find you?

Aeden: 1:06:26

If people want to connect, see what you're up to, whatnot, we'll link your socials, but where can they find you?

J.R.: 1:06:32

Yeah right there.

Aeden: 1:06:32

Yeah, tight. And then on that Instagram there's also my link tree, which will link to my YouTube.

J.R.: 1:06:38

So through my.

Aeden: 1:06:38

YouTube you can see some of my creative pursuits.

J.R.: 1:06:42

So short films, dance videos, this dude literally does everything, so if you need insights, he's got you yeah.

J.R.: 1:06:49

Cool.

J.R.: 1:06:49

All right. Well, we're going to wrap it up. So thank you, Aeden, again for being here. I really appreciate it. I enjoyed this conversation. I'm sure our audience will learn a lot from it. And then to sign off, thank you guys for tuning in, listening, watching. Wherever you are consuming this, Just a reminder to always be kind to others, especially yourself. And then, just like Aeden vocal coach says, you know just the power of listening. You can always learn something from someone if you take the time to listen. So thanks for being here.