J.R. 0:00

Hello everyone and welcome back to another fun episode of 1000 Gurus with me , your host , jr Yonacruz . Today's guest is a very special guest , marie Potts . Marie grew up in Vallejo . Oldest of five , she is the mother of three and moved to East Bay and Milpitas Fremont in Northern California where her three children grew up throughout junior , high and high school . She currently works in the pharmaceutical industry and has done so for the last 20 years and , interesting fact , she is the mother of the host of this show .

J.R. 0:29

I told her to throw that in but , like I said , this was a very special episode because I wasn't sure if this would ever happen . But my mom and I were planning a trip to see her family in the East Coast , specifically Pennsylvania , and she wanted to fly down from NorCal to my area to hang out first so that we could fly together , but then I figured she might as well just jump on the podcast . Then we can have a fun conversation recorded that we can look back on . It was fun and delightful to have my mom because she also listens to pretty much every single episode , so she is an avid listener and fan of the show . I thought it'd be a fun opportunity for you , the audience to see how amazing she is .

J.R. 1:01

I might be a little biased to see how amazing she is . I might be a little biased Best mom in the world , you know . So we talk about her main influences , her upbringing , parenting , animal advocacy and , of course , mindsets of gratitude . I absolutely love doing this recording and you can tell we had a lot of fun with this . I was teasing my mom a bit about who her favorite child was . Spoiler alert it's me . It's always fun spending time with my mom , so it's a double win that you can't really beat . So , without further ado , I hope you enjoy this episode

Interview Start

J.R. 1:27

with Marie Potts . Hello everyone and welcome back to 1000 Gurus . Please welcome my guest and my mother Marie Potts .

Marie 1:35

Thank you .

J.R. 1:36

Thanks for being here , mom . This is a special , almost unexpected episode , because we are actually planning to go visit family in East Coast tomorrow , right Friday through Sunday-ish Visit family because a lot of your family's over there , and so she was going to fly down so we can fly together . But I was like , hey , mom , why don't you just come on the podcast , since we have the whole day together ? So she booked an earlier flight so that she can come down , we can hang out , and so now she's here .

Marie 2:01

Thank you for having me .

J.R. 2:02

Yeah , I was prefacing this to Solomon too . I was like I think the only people who listen to every single episode is you and Solomon . So in this room we have all the listeners of 1000 Gurus . So , yeah , it's going to be super fun .

Marie 2:17

I'm very excited to be here .

J.R. 2:18

Yeah , cool . So let's go into how I know you . So I think you were the first person I met in life . I don't remember it , obviously , but I assume you're the first person I met . And then , yeah , you're my mom . So I I don't know what else to say I live with you for the first 18 years of my life and , yeah , now I'm here and you're in NorCal .

J.R. 2:41

I don't know if people know this , but like most of my immediate family , all of my immediate family's in NorCal , I'm the only one down here . So it's nice that I come up to visit the Bay Area Milpitas , fremont , let's say on average three to four times a year . So I'll see you and dad , my sister , my two brothers , but I don't really see my friends because it's just for the weekend . So , yeah , that's pretty much it . But then you've been coming down a few times , which I appreciate . So , like my mom can , I can show her all my stomping grounds around here and we can eat food and stuff like that . Any clarifications , anything ? What are you up to ? What are you ?

Marie 3:13

up to nowadays . Just , I always look forward to visiting my kids , of course , and I always look forward to coming out here to visit you , even if it's just overnight . I feel like you have to . Time goes we talked about this , but time flies and as you get older , you're going to notice that too . So I think my priorities especially is to see my kids , and since you guys are all in different locations , I have to go to different locations .

J.R. 3:44

Yeah , that was planned out . We're like , hey , when we grow up , let's all spread out so that we can make things more difficult for you . I was going to ask so , as an avid listener of 1000 Gurus , what draws you to our show , why do you like our show , why do you listen to it ?

Marie 4:06

Well , it really . I'm sure you know the time that goes into this . I'm your mother , but I'm what . I'm just completely amazed at what you do and for you listening to other people and I learned a lot from just listening to them . I hear different things and they ask very good questions . I'm very familiar with all of those and I value the fact that you listen to them , and I also value the fact that they're very transparent and very personal . There are a lot of personal things that they mention on the show and that can affect other people and listeners out there in your audience , so I think it's a great thing that you do .

J.R. 4:47

Thank you . Yeah , I appreciate that . I'm grateful to have a lot of great guests on the show with a lot of good experience and the generosity of the spirit of wanting to share that with other people , especially on my platform . It's not like I'm a huge platform and it's not like it's blown up or anything , so them coming out here . I always appreciate that .

J.R. 5:03

Yeah , and to touch base on , if you guys have listened to any episode ,

Importance of Gratitude in Our Family

J.R. 5:08

usually you'll hear at the end it's like we end with gratitude Shout out to my mom . So what I mean by that if you don't , if it's not a very apparent is growing up , my mom would always say things can be tough or things are tough , but then what you focus on is more important , Meaning my siblings and I or my sister and I would complain about stuff , right , as kids do . I always remember my mom being like well , like you have to focus on what you're grateful for , Cause obviously things can go wrong and things are bad , but it's if you focus on what you're grateful for , you'll always have enough , and I think you have more than you have , but if you're always focused on the negatives , you're obviously going to complain no-transcript .

Marie 6:06

When you're listening to people because they want to vent or they want someone just to listen to them , and sometimes when you don't have anything or maybe you can't think of , it's always good and it's always the best thing , and I've always turned to . Well , you know , what do you have to be grateful for ? Like your children are healthy , you're healthy . It's got to be there at the top of the list , right ? So we can always find something to be grateful and that'll make us feel better too .

J.R. 6:34

Yeah , definitely , it's one of those Tony Robbins things too , where it's like the gratitude is the strongest emotion or mindset that you can have and it roots you in the present , rather than too much future anxiety , too much past depression . If you're grateful for the moment , it's like one of the strongest emotions you can state you can put yourself in . One thing I was thinking about a while ago was this idea well , we'll talk about family and parenting in a bit . That's one of our topics but is when you do a lot of those reflections I've done these reflections over the years . What are the main things that I've gotten from my parents ? Right , you and dad and I think it's similar across the board Both of you guys are very grateful people but also very generous people .

J.R. 7:12

I think that's one of the things that I would label , or what I got from my childhood is like growing up we didn't have a lot .

J.R. 7:18

We didn't really come from a lot of like money and , I guess , wealth and privilege and status and all this stuff right , like , mostly we got by and whatnot . But what I always remember is that both you and dad were always very generous people , even when I was a kid . Beyond what I felt was necessary . I talked about this in one of my other episodes , but it's if we barely have enough , why are we being generous to other people ? And so that always stood out to me , like you and dad both did . That it's like you're always generous , giving to other people and even beyond what I thought was necessary . But I think now what I've learned and appreciate is that that has like an ROI beyond just the money and the relationships . But I think if you have a generosity of spirit that fills you up in more different ways than just like the money aspect of it , and I think if you approach life in the universe with that generosity , I feel like you have a higher quality of life . So that's one thing that I took from you and dad .

Marie 8:12

That's great Thank you . Yeah , I'm glad .

J.R. 8:15

Cool Anything else that you're up to that you want to touch on before we get into regular topics ?

Marie 8:21

Well , I do want to say one thing about before we leave that topic . What you're saying about generosity is that and you probably heard this from . Like other people also , we always have to remember that we don't have to be rich to give to to other people . Even if you are barely getting by , you can always help someone or give a little bit of something . You don't have to be so rich before you say okay , then I can get yeah , I think that's .

J.R. 8:47

I agree , generosity is a mindset , it's not a number in your bank account . Right , and we'll talk about that generosity too , because my mom practices what she preaches when she does a lot of giving and like animal advocacy is something that we're going to talk about . All right , so we'll go into the first topic origin story , main influences , career

Origin Story & Main Influences

J.R. 9:04

trajectory , all this other stuff , just to get out of the way . So , mom , where did you grow up ?

Marie 9:09

so I grew up in narcal , more specifically in vallejo , and then now I was born no , fairfield , fairfield which is right next to vallejo right right and then we moved to the east bay , mel Melpitas and Fremont , and then that's where you guys went to junior high and high school eventually . And I'm still there in Fremont where you come to visit Nice .

J.R. 9:33

This is a very broad , general question , but what were the main influences you had in your life growing up ? Well , okay , so my mom is a young 29 years old and I'm 34 . So I don't know how that math works , but even though she's young , she's also had a long life . And so , looking back at that , what do you think were the biggest influences that shaped you to who you are today ?

Marie 9:56

I would have to say early in my life , probably my parents , of course , I feel like they're always your first line or your first influence my parents , and then I think , just being a young parent and being married early , and that all of that is a big influence and a part of my life after that .

J.R. 10:19

How would you describe your parents ? And then my second question is how young did you have kids ?

Marie 10:28

your parents . And then my second question is how young did you have kids ? My , my parents , I well , did you have a specific thing about more ?

J.R. 10:33

just , I know your parents but , like for the audience , could you color paint a picture for what they were like so that we can see how maybe informs who you are so I they were very more of the traditional .

Marie 10:46

But then that's why I'm asking , because traditional can mean a lot of things , yeah to different , different people and even different cultures .

Marie 10:56

So well , I will say , for one thing , my parents were very strict , and one thing that I do really respect about them is that they always try to do what is right and what they're supposed to and how they're supposed to raise their children right , because there are parents who just don't . And what I'll say is that I think that parents always , in general , try to do what's best from what they know right ? I think my parents were that way . Do we also have to remember ? But that parents are human , like when you grow up and you're like , oh my , my parents are human too , so they make mistakes , but I truly believe that they did their best and they always tried to do what they thought was right .

J.R. 11:44

Yeah , I guess we're getting into that topic of parenting too . But so it leads into the next question , which is how young were you when you got married and then when you had kids ? Because it's pretty young , since you're 29 and I'm 34 . So it must have been young .

Marie 11:58

Well , I was young because I was actually married before I was 18 . So before I became an adult , so I was actually married before I was 18 . So before I became an adult , so I was actually emancipated . That's what they call it an emancipated father , yeah , and then shortly after that I had you guys .

J.R. 12:16

So how old were you ?

Marie 12:19

So but she was negative four .

J.R. 12:23

She was negative five when she had me . Yeah , okay , I was .

Being a Young Parent

J.R. 12:27

My main question is because I think the whole parenting thing informs , like I know the lore from what you've told me . Growing up you had difficult relationships with your parents and then you wanted to move out and you got married and then eventually you had us but there was also , from my understanding , like you and your siblings , my mom's the oldest of five and and so , yeah , tough family situation .

J.R. 12:46

But then everyone wanted to get out of the house sooner than later . And then a lot of my cousins are also like , or my aunts and uncles had , my aunts had like kids when they were younger too . Because I imagine when I was like man , if when I was in my early twenties , I couldn't imagine having kids , right , or I could , but I'm like this would be really hard , harder than if it like for today , right , I think I'm more financially and emotionally prepared to have kids now , but if I was in my early 20s or 18 or whatever the age , I'd be like dang , that's tough . And , to your point again , it's also like we do the best we can with what we know and we all make mistakes .

Marie 13:20

So I guess that's what I was trying to get as there's a lot of different lore there , but it makes sense yeah , yeah , and we also live in different times , which that's that's a factor too , but there were , there are a lot of things involved with that . When you're a kid or that young , you don't know , don't really know the best thing in you . But your parents they want the best for you and they try their best for you , but you know they there's not like a manual to parenting , so , but I truly believe , and I'm very thankful to my parents , that they did try to do their best , based on what they think how they should raise their kids . So so I really really respect that .

J.R. 14:06

See , gratitude , she's just . Every answer is just .

J.R. 14:08

I'm thankful this is what I grew up on . So , yeah , like , obviously my mom was like a young parent . My sister's two years older than me , and so I remember growing up a lot People would be like , oh , oh , your little sister and your little brother referring to me and my sister , right , because my mom like looks so young . And then we were like I was like 11 . My sister was like 13 . And people would mistaken her for like our older sister , and so she would get that and she'd be like , oh , and she would tell us about this , like okay , mom , you're so young , like that was a compliment , right .

Marie 14:39

Thank you , yeah , definitely .

J.R. 14:41

Since we're on parenting , that's like the next topic and I know we want to talk about like traditional versus new parenting , or what kind of parents I would want to be , or the role of family . This is a big question , but what was your experience like ? You have three kids now my sister , myself , and then my younger brother , who is a third year , finishing his third year in college in Hawaii right , year in college in Hawaii , right . My question as an audience member would be like what was that experience like ? What were some of the challenges and what were some of the lessons learned ?

J.R. 15:08

so I don't know if you have any thoughts on those super easy it all turned out well . We're not in jail .

Marie 15:17

None of us have kids well , one thing I can say is I'm blessed because I , even growing up and discussing like with other parents parents always compare this and that . But if we do compare it and that's happened and I've always sometimes I'd be like , well , I don't have like those problems and they're like really problems , like on both ends of the spectrum right .

Marie 15:43

Really bad to really good , problems like on both ends of the spectrum , right From really bad to really good . But I've always been so lucky and blessed that I never had to really go through some of the experiences that I've heard other people had . So it's not easy , but I don't think it was . I've said it's been as tough as some other that I've heard .

J.R. 16:03

Yeah , so you're grateful .

Marie 16:06

Well , yes , in fact I think I mentioned this to you guys I wish and sometimes people were like what you would want to have more kids . I'm like , yeah , I will . More specifically , I would want to have two of you , two of your sister and two of your brother . So I've always wanted twins . I wouldn't have wanted more .

J.R. 16:27

My brother always jokes because my mom always mentions that she wants , wanted twins , and wants twins and wants twin grandkids and it's like that's not up to us , that's up to genetics and we're not really stacked for that genetic lineup since none of us are twins . But my brother always jokes . He's like what mom ?

Marie 16:51

Am I not good enough for you ? You need two of me , am I not enough ? So I've always being a young parent though you would think that , and also I think that's why I brought up that I've had . Where I'm the oldest of five is usually when people have to take care of their siblings and things . Usually I've heard them say , oh , I don't want kids for a while , and it's hard . Yeah , it was very tough , because I was to care of my siblings , my parents were working and what have you . I think that's what I should do anyways as the older sister .

Marie 17:17

But after I got older , I still wanted to . I wasn't the one who said , oh , I don't want any kids for now . I always wanted kids . I don't know why , but I've always wanted to . I wasn't the one who said , oh , I don't want any kids for now . I always wanted kids . I don't know , you know why , but I've always wanted kids , even young , even when I was even to be a young parent . Yeah , I didn't . I guess obviously everything else didn't come first . It was having kids first .

J.R. 17:42

Yeah . So then you helped raise your siblings and then you're like you know what ? I also want kids . It's a completely opposite direction of what someone might want to do . Okay , so , were there any notable challenges ? This is a very weird subjective question , but what are the biggest

Challenges of Parenting & Advice

J.R. 17:58

challenges of being a young parent ? Because I think again , for the sake of people relating or wanting to hear the story , or if they want to become parents , right ?

J.R. 18:05

I don't know if you have any things that come to mind of like challenges and or advice for parents . You are the second parent I've had on the show , so this is helpful advice for us non-parents .

Marie 18:15

It's . I think the challenges were like more financially , Unless you're you're born into wealth , then you have to . You're born into wealth , then you have to . That's just one of the things that you have to go through and navigate your way through and not really knowing the best , like knowing what I know now and what I knew back then . I think that's the main , that's the biggest challenge . Yeah .

J.R. 18:39

Any advice for like parents , younger parents or people who want to become parents for like parents , younger parents or people who want to become parents , having experienced the last , however many years with three kids ?

Marie 18:52

Well , I don't really know what to say , because I think everyone's parenting ways is different .

J.R. 19:01

Helpful advice . Obviously , everyone's situation is different , but words of wisdom .

Marie 19:07

I think for me , I think what I learned from my parents . My advice is don't be so strict with your kids . Listen to them more , although be firm , but listen to them and don't be so strict .

J.R. 19:23

My opinion about that is that being too strict will… Make them want to leave the house and get married early and have three kids and then end up on one of the kids' podcasts . Makes sense . Thanks , grandparents ,

Who is Marie's Favorite Child?

J.R. 19:36

all right . Well , I guess last thing on this is who is your favorite kid and what would you give… .

Marie 19:42

What score would you give us out of 100 ? That was not on the board .

J.R. 19:46

She always says I don't have a favorite . I love all my kids equally , but I'm pretty sure she has a favorite .

Marie 19:54

No , that's not possible .

J.R. 19:56

He's sitting right here . That's the favorite .

Marie 20:00

Well , that's not possible . People who say that I don't know . I think there are parents who have favorites , because I've observed that . But I can't . It's not possible for me . That's really what I think .

J.R. 20:16

Solomon's nodding . Solomon , do you have a favorite child ? No , but my sister does . So there are parents who have favorites . He's like , yeah , I know some . Yeah , I subscribe to that too . I know my mom said that growing up I don't have a favorite and I feel like that's the most healthy mindset you can have , because obviously some parents feel like they do have favorites and all this . But that's so toxic because it's like I can't , yeah , I can't imagine that . Yeah if you were to give us a score from zero to a hundred , yeah what would each what's ati score ?

J.R. 20:46

what would my score be ? What's jacob's score ?

Marie 20:49

all three , a hundred boo , that's to me .

J.R. 20:52

Three first place trophies boo .

Marie 20:54

No , that's not .

J.R. 20:58

That question was in the Okay , but which child brought you onto a podcast ? Maybe that's the tiebreaker .

Marie 21:06

There's still no favorites .

J.R. 21:08

Okay , which one was the easiest to raise , and then , consequently , who was the most difficult ?

Marie 21:16

I don't have an answer for that . Who ?

J.R. 21:18

asks for the most venmo requests or money and who asks for the least amount of money ?

Marie 21:24

well , okay , there is . I know I thought about this before , but you going to when you're in college , I don't ever remember you asking for money , that's damn straight . That's definitely a fact , Okay .

J.R. 21:41

I'll take it . I just needed something on video that proves that I'm the superior child .

Marie 21:46

No , but you're not the superior child , but in terms of financial costs .

J.R. 21:50

I don't really ask for anything .

Marie 21:53

But I do have to give you that that you put your self through college and everything and for all these years I never really thought of that . But you've never , you've never , you never asked me for for money or to help you with anything yeah , nice , cool , nice , at least I have that .

J.R. 22:12

I know I prioritize a lot of like independence and obviously financial wise I always wanted be good with money , but you did help me pay off some of my student loans . I remember that because .

Marie 22:21

But you never asked .

J.R. 22:22

Yeah , that's true . My mom's the type of person to just give , even if I don't ask . I appreciate it , obviously . But I tell the story to some of my friends too .

J.R. 22:30

Because I had such a little amount of student loan debt after I graduated by design because I was trying to save money like housing . I became an RA because I wanted to save money . I could save like 12 grand because of that , always kept my expenses low so that when I graduated I had not as significantly less than my friends , and so I lived on my dad's couch for eight months and put 80% of my paycheck towards my student loans so I can pay it off before the interest kicks in or like the fees and stuff . And so my mom also helped me out with that . So I'll shout out you for that , because I was trying to pay it off sooner than later . But yeah , I think . Yeah also try not to ask for anything too , because that's just what I wanted to do . So I guess by that answer we can assume that my sister and my brother both asked for money .

Marie 23:13

So no , that's not what I said .

J.R. 23:15

That's what she said . It's recorded .

Marie 23:17

I just wanted to get something down I just said that you never asked for money going okay , yes , okay , true , you have given me money and I appreciate it .

J.R. 23:26

But , you're right , I don't really remember asking , so , okay , cool , I'll take it . Okay . Something else on parenting . You said I don't know if you want to ask what kind of parent I want to be , but I also want to ask the role of family traditional versus new parenting . I like this idea of unconditional love because that's something that you've shown me and it's something that I like to practice and how I perceive my own relationships of how to approach them . But did you have anything on traditional versus new parenting ?

Marie 23:52

I think if we start with unconditional , I think that's a good place to start , because the one thing that I always know and I always say and it is my opinion is that your kids never ask you to be here . So I feel that it's the parents' responsibility when they bring their kids into this world , and so by that , I feel that what you give them or what you do for them , or even what they need , that's unconditional Because , like I said , the thing is that they never asked you to be here . You brought them into this world . I feel like you're responsible , and some people may not agree with that and also some people may say oh , I did this for you .

Marie 24:38

That's just like my pet peeve is the parents that you know that say , well , I did this for you and I paid for this . I paid for that I that's no because you brought them into this world , even if they don't ask for something . But if you've given them something , I feel like you . You should do that unconditionally . And then , at the most , you shouldn't say I did this for you when you were , when you were a kid , and so you should do this or whatever , or expect something right , right .

J.R. 25:11

That's one thing that I do appreciate significantly and distinctly about you and dad is that you guys never I know that other parents are not like this , but you guys never said , oh , because I did this , you need to do this .

J.R. 25:23

And I feel like you guys setting that example helped me to have my own boundaries with other people as well , because I wasn't raised in this quid pro quo , oh , because you did this for me . And that's not love , that's conditional love , right and so approaching relationships the same way friends and whatnot is if you want to give , you give , you don't give to receive because it's conditional , because it's like reciprocal , and so I think that's what I've really latched on to , especially like where I'm at at life now . When I think about relationships , when I think about giving , I think if it's reciprocal , if I'm expecting something from someone , that's the unhealthy pattern that I don't want to get into . But I think it's easier for me compared to some of my friends or other people I know , because maybe they had that growing up or something , I don't know but I do appreciate that conditional versus unconditional love , anything else on that , or parenting styles .

Marie 26:13

I think that that's pretty much it . I think if you start from there when you are a parent , then you won't regret anything , or you won't . You'll save you heartache , because a lot of parents I see them with that expectation , especially when they get older . Oh , how come my son or my daughter went out ?

J.R. 26:32

on their own .

Marie 26:33

What about me ? That's not how it's supposed to be . You chose to have them right . So and again , parenting is different from every generation , but it doesn't always mean that you will or you have to follow what your parents or their style of parenting . I think you'll think for yourself and then you'll do also what you think is best , which may be the same or similar or maybe completely different , but as long as you feel like they don't owe you anything , I think you're better off regardless of what your parenting style is .

J.R. 27:14

I think if you start from there , so , starting parenting from a lens of or from a perspective of I'm not giving to my kids so that they can give back to me , but starting with I'm just here to give and raise my kids to be sensible adults or whatnot , and starting from there , then you can't really go wrong . Or basically just starting point I I feel that way , yeah I like that .

J.R. 27:36

Okay , now we can switch over to . If you had any other thoughts . Otherwise , we can switch over to animal

Animal Advocacy, Volunteering, and Rescuing

J.R. 27:41

advocacy , because I know this is a big passion of yours , a big focus point . You foster or have a lot of cats I don't know , the number was six more and you're really big into that . You like volunteer work . You do , let's see , like rescue work , volunteer work and stuff like that , and you're way more knowledgeable than I am , so I'd like to pick your brain on that how did ?

J.R. 28:01

you get into it . Why is it important to you ?

Marie 28:03

maybe we start there well , I think it just started with one and when we see a lot of animals for people who don't have pets or don't deal with animals all the time we see animals here and there and we hear about them , but then when you actually rescue one or you help one , then that makes a difference . So then when you do that I think that's probably what changed a lot of things for me and then you help that one which is just like sick it's what usually you do when you rescue and then comes more and it's hard to turn your back on a sick animal . So that's where it started . So I just started volunteering and looking into what they do and then , more importantly , like the problems in the community or problems with this whole animal thing that people complain about there's too many animals of this and that they don't really do anything except for complain .

Marie 29:04

Why is ? Why do we have this problem ? Do you just not , do you just not see what's going on ? Or you just turn the other way so it doesn't what's going on , or you just turn the other way so it doesn't really affect you as much . But when you start helping them , then you really start to see and you see more of what's going on and the problems that people complain about , like there's too many cats , too many dogs and this and that . So I think when you do go into that , then you start to realize really what the problem is and how you can help .

J.R. 29:40

What do you think is something that most people don't know about this idea of animal advocacy ? I know specifically if it's stray animals or there's like an animal population problem or something like that , or oversaturation of animals in shelters and whatnot . As a non-pet owner , I don't own any pets , but I know a lot of my friends do , so I'm not really into it . I don't really know like the details of that , but I do know a lot of my friends . A lot of people advocate for adopt , don't shop and you go to shelters and you rescue and all that stuff . But then there's also you told me about this before but like breeding private breeders , that's a really bad thing because it contributes to the problem . Also , there's a lot of animals that need homes and things like that . So there's a lot of stuff . I didn't know about it . But what do you think is something that people should know or people you think that people don't know about this problem , this issue ?

Marie 30:31

And that's a really good point that you bring up , because sometimes not everyone tend to do any harm or turn the other way . So sometimes they just don't know , because a lot of people who love animals who have bought them from a breeder because , oh , this one is so cute . And that's okay , right , but now more than ever , there's a lot of information out there and a lot of things that we can tell that breeding is… there's so many things .

J.R. 31:09

There's just so many . The listing just goes on and on about breeding .

Marie 31:11

It's very bad for animals . It's very bad for animals . It's very inhumane . They go .

Marie 31:19

Even if you have , even throughout history , you've seen the animals that have been bred that have so many physical problems because they breed this dog with that way and this way .

Marie 31:30

They have certain you know characteristics or physical characteristics that they shouldn't have , certain , um , you know characteristics or physical characteristics that they shouldn't have . But because humans want this type of appearance , because they want this size dog and to look like this , that it doesn't matter that the dogs are being bred . And so if , like I was telling you earlier , if I had to break that down into three categories , is categories , the worst thing is to buy from a breeder . That's a very opinionated statement and maybe some people disagree with that , but that's definitely where I stand . If you don't think that , then you have to really look more into the information about breeding and see what goes on with those animals when they breed animals . Just because certain people want those types of animals , and also , when you do that , you contribute to the demand for them , and because the demand for them is more , people pay more and then people make more because they can sell them for more . It's just , there's nothing good about it I agree .

J.R. 32:39

It seems like it's a net negative to society , to the whole thing , to have that like breeding problem . It reminds us like ticket scalpers , right , like they're just making a problem worse just by because of the demand and supply . But also it's connected to this idea of unconditional versus conditional , because you want an animal specific to your specs and it's a form of greed , but you also what you won't love , another animal who also requires it , who was also already alive .

J.R. 33:06

It's kind of , if you imagine breeding children , right , okay , let me breed these two people so I can get this exact looking child , and then I'll love it right but then people are like no , I want the specific type of looking animal and then I will love it , but it's like there's a lot of animals out there , so similar with people , similar with animals . So it seems like breeding is like a net negative .

Marie 33:24

Yes , very so . I've heard some of your guests say adopt , don't shop , and what they ? What they mean by that is we all know , without a doubt , that there are way too many animals in the shelters already they're just over overfilled all the time and a lot of animals out there because animals don't have control of how they reproduce and how they multiply or anything like that . So that that goes into what I wanted to emphasize after that , not only addressing the actual problem , because I've heard , and it infuriates me , that people say , oh , there are too many cats , there's too many dogs , and they do this and they do that . I wish they'd just get out of our community . So I volunteered for animal hotlines and animal rescues and even like the shelters and it's just horrible and that's a lot of things that people don't know and people don't see . But the thing is , what about addressing ? Why , instead of complaining and just being upset at the animals , why don't we think about ?

J.R. 34:36

why ? Why in the solution Like why is this problem here and what can we do about it ?

Marie 34:41

Yeah , and not just trying to get rid of them . That's inhumane also right . What about trying to see what the problem is ? And so the other part of rescuing is that helping communities and helping them and teaching them how to control the population by the spay and neutering so that they don't have kittens and puppies right , because many animals get euthanized all the time . That's very sad . But one step beyond that is teaching , like a community themselves , to be able to help controlling with the population where they don't have so many cats , and it's not hurting them , it's just helping them because they can't do it themselves . And so when you teach people to do that , you're only one person or you're only two people or you're only one group . But if you teach them or somebody else to do that , then they can do and teach somebody else , just like when you teach somebody about finance . It's one thing for you to be able to do it , but then for you to teach somebody else is much more impactful . It makes more of an impact , yeah , yeah .

J.R. 35:50

Makes sense . Else is much more impactful . It makes more of an impact . Yeah , yeah , makes sense . It's crazy because , as someone again who doesn't really have pets , sometimes you'll hear or I'll hear over the years , like oh yeah , we can breed these animals and then we can sell , we can make a lot of money . So it's basically just a financial thing for people , but they don't realize there's a huge ethical problem with that , because they're just breeding these live animals just for the sake of economic gain , but they're not seeing the consequences just overpopulation or a lot of stray animals and then people complain about it , not doing anything about it . So I think to the point is awareness is key and then teaching other people and advocating and being part of the solution is they're just complaining about the problem . So there's a lot of things that we can all learn more from .

J.R. 36:31

I think that's what I got from it Anything else on animal advocacy .

Marie 36:36

I think that's a big part of it . Covering that One is that instead of just complaining or being hateful at the animals , think about first what they have no control over , that and maybe how you can help with that .

J.R. 36:51

Right , yeah , Good call to action . We were talking about this beforehand too ,

The Dark Side of Our Food Production System

J.R. 36:55

but it was the double standards of . People can make their own decisions in their diet , what they eat vegetarian , not vegetarian , whatever .

Marie 37:03

And then animals .

J.R. 37:04

Right , we talked about that , but I was saying how , what I learned in sustainability and pollution , overpopulation , stuff like that a large reason why we have a lot of pollution nowadays is because of our food production system , and a lot of that is focused around meat and a lot of that is like to produce a pound of , let's say , beef takes so much water and so much resources , so much land , so much grain , all this other stuff . And so not saying everyone should become vegetarian , but the natural progression of following the vegetarian arc is that we do have a lot of less waste , a lot less pollution , like a more ethical food production system . And so there's those places that advocate like meatless Mondays or just reducing the amount of meat you consume and putting it less on a pedestal , and so I'm an advocate for that . I'm not gonna say that I'm gonna judge people who eat meat or who don't eat meat , but I think it's something to consider in terms of ethical treatment of animals , because I think most people you're so separated from how you get your food you just put it in your mouth when it's a burger , but you don't realize that all these cows , chickens , cows , chickens and pigs are kept in these inhumane conditions , they're slaughtered , and then all of that produces a lot of waste and then it goes into our environment and then again it takes a lot of water to create like one pound of chicken , and so it contributes to all this problem .

J.R. 38:22

But I think if we just had more awareness , that could be a start to it . Figuring out your diet , what's more sustainable , things like that , I think . Just awareness and less judgment on other people too . We can be fine with people's diet choices , but just don't have a double standard in judging someone else on what they eat and then vice versa and that's oh , I'm better than you , or something like that . I don't think that's the way to go .

Marie 38:40

Yeah , yeah , definitely . You know what . I appreciate that because of all of that information that you talked about , because even though , like you said , you , even though you don't know too much about animals and maybe somebody else doesn't know too much about what you talked about , like the sustainability and how much waste we produce by this and that , but all of that together and the awareness for that , I think it's the best thing , because we are , for one , very disconnected from the food that we eat , even just from burgers and chicken and things like that and pork , as opposed to other people who go out and hunt their food and then they eat it sustainably right , and they don't over hunt or anything like that , but they use all part of the animal stuff .

J.R. 39:23

Like that makes a lot of sense and it's more sustainable . But our food production system is vastly unsustainable and we produce a lot of waste . So like what ? 40 50 percent of that food goes to waste anyways . What are we wasting all these resources for this system ? Just because people love meat and as the people it's like the I don't get the whole putting meat on a pedestal . It's okay , I get you like meat , but it's oh . I could never do this because I love this thing so much , and it's okay , fine , but maybe do some research as to what goes into that meat that you love so much and then you can make a more informed decision . That's fine . But it's just those people who I feel like are such avid , like dead animal eaters . I say that judgmentally . I eat animals , obviously . I eat plenty of beef and pork and stuff like that .

J.R. 40:03

But I think it's just awareness . You know what you're getting into , you know what you're contributing to and then you can make a better decision . Okay , maybe I don't eat as much meat , or maybe I don't put on a pedestal , or maybe I try to eat healthier , with more vegetables , more sustainably . I don't think that can hurt .

Marie 40:16

Right . Oh , yeah , I totally agree with you and I appreciate that too , because just having that awareness even if you're not an advocate for animals , but you know still at least know what , what's going into all that process and all the waste too , and , like I was telling you , know still at least know what's going into all that process and all the waste too . And like I was telling you earlier , I think , in our conversation , is that I am guilty of when those people who will say , oh , this culture or these people , they do this and that . But there are a lot of people out there who even , like you said , they use the whole animal . They don't just hunt for sport , but they use it and they even appreciate the animals .

Marie 40:55

I've read just recently about certain cultures that even appreciate , they give thanks to the animal for whatever purpose and for before they eat them and the food and stuff and people will criticize them without even knowing what exactly they do with animals , but then again those are the same people who are so disconnected that they don't know that the burger they're eating that they came from the slaughterhouse in worse and really inhumane conditions .

J.R. 41:24

Random side tangent , but my senior thesis in college was on sustainability , which is random because it's not like I ever talk about it , but it informs a lot of how I see things . But if you ever watch one of those videos of slaughterhouses it'll definitely make you question what you eat , because I know , after I took a class on sustainability and food production , I was vegetarian for two months . I was like maybe I should . I'm obviously not now , but I don't put meat on a pedestal .

Marie 41:48

But it's just good for awareness , I think , since we're so disconnected and even you don't have to just completely be a vegetarian , but think of other options and maybe other things , or maybe just eating it less . No , less .

J.R. 42:03

There are options for more sustainably sourced food so there's always that . Obviously there's cost , but just awareness , that's all I can ask for anything else before we go to rapid fire questions we're about that time to do rapid fire , of course

Rapid Fire Questions

J.R. 42:16

yes that's not what you said earlier because originally this was going to be a random show episode , but then we got like main topics focused on like my mom's experience .

J.R. 42:26

I'm like , oh yeah , we can just do a standard episode and then I'll chime in too . But I think we can do it . It's be fun . You can pass on any of them . You're like , eh , I don't have a thing and I'll cut it out .

Marie 42:34

Okay , yeah .

J.R. 42:35

All right , so billboard question If you could put up a sign for millions of people to see , what would it say ?

Marie 42:41

I have thought about this one .

J.R. 42:43

See you listen to every episode . You know all the questions .

Marie 42:48

So for that question I would say do something for someone else other than yourself , no matter how small or how big . That's a good one .

J.R. 42:58

I've never heard anyone say that Guest number 42 on the show Meaning it was a very original unique answer . What is one of the hardest challenges you face and what did you learn from it ?

Marie 43:15

Well , having an amazing second son , first son , that's just so easy to raise , I think , without having to think too much about it . I would say , probably when your kids get older and then they go on their own . But the thing is , I think , if you want , I think just with , like your brother , because he's the third one , he's the youngest there are a lot of things that you don't want to . Definitely it's hard when you guys don't live close by . So the challenging thing is that . But I know that that's what you know , you guys want and that's what's best for you at the time . That's what you want because it's your life . So , yeah , that there are a lot of challenging things , but but I can say that for one .

J.R. 43:52

So your kid's moving away Well , not just moving away , but the feeling of that , even though that's what will make them happy . So their happiness is first Self-inflicted wound . Do you have a story about something that's gone wrong in your life that you can't blame anyone else but yourself ?

Marie 44:09

Well , you can't blame anybody . It's going to have to be finances . So I want to blame it on when I was younger , and you don't know too much yeah but I think I still do that , even when I was older than that . So I think it's like anything else , it just takes practice . And then , because you said it's like self-inflicted right , I think the same as for other things that are self-inflicted you don't just get it right the next time around . You got to keep doing it and practicing it .

J.R. 44:47

Similar vein . If you could redo one thing , what would you do differently , if anything , if ?

Marie 44:51

you could redo one thing . What would you do differently , if anything ? I'd probably say , even with having kids , just even though , as hard as it may be , I would have wanted to finish college or go to school earlier .

J.R. 45:03

If you could give your younger self advice , what would it be now , Any age ?

Marie 45:08

any time period . I'd probably say to my younger self keep going to school , Go to school .

J.R. 45:12

Yeah , yeah , nice .

Definition of "Success"

Marie 45:16

How do you define success ? So I would say , from listening to… .

J.R. 45:21

Driving a .

Marie 45:21

Lamborghini ? No , maybe when I was younger I would probably say that , but not the first thing . But I do want to say that success is when someone is doing what they really want to do . But I also want to add to that is that if I think success is if someone is doing what they want to do and also can impact somebody else with that , it's not just about doing what you want to do , but also like being that positive in the world yes , yes , definitely I like it if you knew you couldn't fail , what would you try or what would you be doing right now ?

Marie 46:01

just one thing is .

J.R. 46:03

You can say whatever you want .

Marie 46:06

You have a list well , one of the two things I'd probably have is Twins . Twins , yes , but that's out of my control . That's something I can't control , but you always know that I said , I would want two of you , and two of your brother and two of your sister .

J.R. 46:26

Okay . So if you couldn't fail , what would you be doing now ? Or trying , or whatever Fail .

Marie 46:32

Absolutely couldn't fail what I would probably be doing is probably finish medical school being a surgeon and then being a surgeon for one of those non-profits like .

J.R. 46:43

Mercy Ships . See , I was just waiting for you to say that because I knew the answer . I was seeing if you were going to say it .

Marie 46:49

You're probably one of the few people , yeah .

J.R. 46:52

If you knew you would absolutely fail anyways , what would you be doing ?

Marie 46:55

It's good Wait .

J.R. 47:01

The confusion on my mom's face for all the audio listeners . So the spirit of the question is we don't do things because we're scared of failing , but there are some things in life that , even if we fail , we would do anyways .

Marie 47:12

Oh yeah .

J.R. 47:12

That's what I mean well , I probably have more kids all right , what is something you've been pondering frequently or deeply and something you've been thinking about a lot I think maybe because I'm older now 29 is not old .

Marie 47:33

Compared to . I think what I've been thinking about lately is something that , like , when you're gone , not just your legacy or something people will remember you by , but something that you can pass down , that can keep on going , as far as teaching or helping someone , because you can help one person , and then it stops there , because when you're gone , then it stops there . But if you can teach or have an impact on somebody else who can do that as well , then the world would definitely be a better place .

J.R. 48:09

So teach teachers , raise teachers .

Marie 48:11

Yeah , I like it yeah .

J.R. 48:14

What is one of the best or most worthwhile investments you've ever made in either time , money , energy , etc .

Marie 48:18

I know I've heard this before , but I didn't think about it . She's heard this 35 times or 34 , something like that and then I always wonder when I'm watching it what are they going to say ? So now all of you are like what is she going to say ? You know what ? I'm sorry , but I can't think of anything .

J.R. 48:40

Not like sending your son to college or… I'm just kidding . Oh , another thing my mom's paid for is my first car . You definitely paid for all of that , so I appreciate that .

Marie 48:54

But you put that car… yeah , yeah I had it for 12 years .

J.R. 48:56

I'm like get the money's worth out of it . I drive try to get the most out of my car finances .

Marie 49:02

Okay , favorite recent purchase in the 50 to 100 range recently that has impacted your life the most well , okay , okay , I thought about this , but only when I was listening to all of your podcasts , but I didn't think about it . But something did come to mind . For a long time I've been looking for when I was younger I just was into nice purses and things like that and now because I feel like my life become busier , like with animals , animals and work and even like studying , so I've had to and I've gone through maybe four or five like purses that would be really functional and you'd be surprised After maybe four or five , and I've returned some to Amazon Because they just didn't fit all the necessary things I want , but I didn't want something too big . So I finally finally got yeah , and I think it was less than $30 the right , right size purse and that I can carry around even with all the things that I'm doing okay , maybe I might ask you to send me that link so I can link it in the show notes .

J.R. 50:09

Oh , maybe they want the same purse as you . The host's mom has this purse , so she advocates for it . Might as well get that affiliate link , okay . Last

Media Recommendations

J.R. 50:18

rapid fire questions Favorite books , movies , videos , articles , media or anything that you recommend or share the most .

Marie 50:30

I'm still reading it . It's called Mountains Beyond Mountains and it's about . His name is Dr Paul Farmer , and he's a physician from Harvard and he also has his PhD . But aside from all that , he built this hospital in Haiti , but he started as , and he's had to go through like all the challenges politically and economically just politically and economically and for building these hospitals and to the end result is to provide accessible health care for these different countries , like Haiti is the first one that he did , and I think the next one is like Peru .

J.R. 51:06

So it's a really good book so it's like a not biography , but or is ? It or he wrote it , but it's about a biography , or he wrote it , but it's about his journey .

Marie 51:14

No , somebody else wrote it about him . Yeah , so he is , and I mentioned this . He's a medical anthropologist .

J.R. 51:21

Oh okay , gotcha , he's still alive .

Marie 51:25

He just passed a couple years ago .

J.R. 51:27

Okay , okay , so it's about him and his work and what he's done . Yeah , oh , I see , oh nice .

Marie 51:38

I'll . So it's about him and his work and what he's done . Yeah , oh , I see . Oh , nice , I'll link to that . Any other recommendations things people should check out one of my , one of my favorites , because we talked about like challenges with the finances and I think I heard about this book from you and I still , and it helped me because it's something that anybody can use and anybody can apply it , whether you make a million dollars or $30,000 a year , and that's the one by Ramit .

J.R. 51:59

I Will Teach you To Be Rich .

Marie 52:00

Yes , and it sounds .

J.R. 52:02

Don't be deceived by the title , the clickbaity title .

Marie 52:06

Yeah , but we've read a lot of books on finances , and I think that's the best book to start with , because you can apply it easily and anybody can , and it really helps yeah , no , I always recommend that .

J.R. 52:19

When it comes to personal finance , that book is like the number one because it's so practical and it's solid advice . It's not gimmicky , it's not quick fix or fast money , it's solid principles that you just do this for the next 10 , 20 years , you'll be fine . Highly recommend it . I'll link that as well . Okay , that is it for rapid fire . Now we'll go to

Ending Questions: Gratitude & Final Takeaways

J.R. 52:37

ending questions . So we always end with gratitude . Shout out to my mother , wherever she may be , right now , maybe two feet away from me . But , mom , what are you grateful for ?

Marie 52:46

Well , I'm grateful for my kids . I will say that .

J.R. 52:49

So unexpected .

Marie 52:56

And that's the truth . And then for my health , because you don't have that , and I think people take that for granted too , so I think I always say that when people are complaining like , you have your health , yeah and your family's healthy .

J.R. 53:05

You're healthy , that's like honestly , baseline right . Yes , yeah , which child are you most grateful for ?

Marie 53:16

I already said my answer . There are no . I have no favorites . If it's me continue to breathe .

J.R. 53:23

Okay , cool , nice , perfect . We got it on camera .

Marie 53:27

Okay , I'll throw in my this is unexpected because he didn't tell me this . Obviously , it's my show . I can do whatever I want , that's true . Okay , I'll throw in my this is unexpected because he didn't tell me this .

J.R. 53:32

Obviously it's my shogun do whatever I want that's true um okay , I'll throw in mine great gratitude . I'm also grateful , obviously , for my parents as well . This question , this piece , is inspired by my mom . Obviously , one of the biggest things she's given me is the attitude of gratitude . Yeah , everyone around me , my health as well . Yeah , just being able to see my family , I think that's a big thing because , yeah , you said , a lot of my gratitude comes from my mom and like her perspective . So I think , yeah , values align there . Thank you , you're welcome .

J.R. 53:59

Final ask from the audience or final takeaways you'd like them to have ?

Marie 54:06

I think that's one of the biggest things , is that gratitude , and I'm also grateful for my parents and thank you for , for I was really excited when you mentioned this to me , so I was always . I'm always watching your podcast and watching people on there , so , yeah , really excited you're my number one fan and supporter , so of course you get that .

J.R. 54:26

Yeah , no , definitively like . That's not even . There's not even a top 10 . It's just my mom , which I appreciate . So , yeah , I think that's it where we can find you , even a top 10 . It's just my mom , which I appreciate . So , yeah , I think that's it when we can find you . I'll link your socials . I don't know if you care if people reach out to you , but if they just want to check out what you're up to , I'll link my mom's Instagram . It's right there . I think it's private , right , or is it public ? Okay , yeah , then it'll be there , cool , all right . Well , that is the end , mom , thank you so much for being here . I really appreciate it . I'm glad it worked out . Yeah , yeah , I think I don't know what else to say . Thank you for the birth . You know every one of my birthdays is a birth anniversary of my mom giving birth , so I appreciate that .

J.R. 55:05

Yeah it's a pretty good gift . All right , my final sign off . Thank you guys for being here . Remember to subscribe , follow , like comments . Leave my mom some love in the comments below , wherever you're seeing this , and let me know too , if you like this episode , what you want to see . More of feedback , we love feedback and a reminder to always be kind to other people , especially yourself , and reminder that you can always learn something from someone if you take the time to listen . So thanks for being here . You .