J.R.: 0:00

Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode of 1000 Gurus with me, your host, jr Yonacruz. Today's guest is Lisa Doan, and this is a special random show episode. Lisa is a full-time registered dental hygienist who enjoys partaking in all things foodie related and documenting it all on her foodie Instagram account. She was born and raised in Orange County and recently moved to Inland Empire. She also enjoys dancing to K-pop, going to Disney parks, playing pickleball and hopes to begin traveling to also appreciate the goodies of the world. So this was our third installment of the special random show format, joined by a dear friend of mine, who I also consider my younger sister. She was so nervous the entire month leading up to the show as she would periodically text me each week reminding me how nervous she was. But honestly, I think this episode turned out great, as we chatted about a wide range of topics, from her leadership journey on our dance team Choreos to food blogging challenges she's had driving her Tesla.

J.R.: 0:51

There's a good story there. What kind of parents we would want to be, our relationship with our own parents. And, to end it off, some thoughts on the current dating market. Unfortunately, we didn't get to drink on this episode like the first two because we had plans right after. It was actually our friend's birthday party, shastia. She was also a recent guest on the show. While I enjoyed this episode a lot, I think Lisa traumatized herself, so I don't think she wants to come back again, even though she told me that she had a lot of questions she wanted to ask me, but she was kind of too focused and forgot. But anyways, without further ado, hope you enjoy this first and probably only episode with Lisa Doan. Hello and welcome back to 1000 Gurus, please welcome my guest Lisa.

Lisa: 1:34

I'm like unsure of where to look yeah, anywhere you want.

J.R.: 1:37

You can stare at yourself if you want. So thank you for being here. I really appreciate it. You're totally not nervous and you haven't been telling me the last few weeks, but this will be fun, kind of like what Solomon just said off camera. I think it'll be fun, let's see. Let me go straight into how I know you. So we met when you joined Choreos in 2022, I believe. Right Like winter, you were a mid-year Lemon, so Winter Melon, and we had a handful of mutuals in the K-pop community and so I've heard of you before you joined the team. And then eventually you joined the team, and then our fam, and then we started dancing together for a few years and then we have like family hangouts and food adventures here and there, and then your birthday parties at your house all the way in an empire near Hemet. And, let's see, this was your last year in choreos, but you're still doing some dancing and, yeah, you've made that commute, which is pretty far. How long is your drive typically?

Lisa: 2:28

without traffic. It's like an hour 45 with traffic on a bad day, yeah, which is like usually every day that I have to go to choreos.

J.R.: 2:36

It's like two and a half hours nice perfect at least anyway yeah, and it still sucks either way, but I guess it's nice because maybe a tes Tesla makes that drive a little bit more bearable, right that's what I got it for. Right, we'll go into your Tesla driving experience in a bit. And yeah, so then you've also been our PR manager on Coriolis, on Elshare, for the last two years. Is that it? Any other clarifications we should? Know, about or what else are you up to Lisa?

Lisa: 3:06

I think that's it.

J.R.: 3:06

It sounds like my whole life revolves around choreos. It basically did.

Lisa: 3:08

I mean at least it had for a couple of years, right, yeah, but I'm excited to try new things now.

J.R.: 3:10

Yeah, I've already read your bio by now in the audio version. They know what you're up to. You're a dental hygienist and you've been doing that for a little bit. You used to live in OC and now you still do that. You still dance, and you're a big foodie as well, with your like food blog, and then you and I both yelp elite, so sometimes we'll do different events and stuff. So I guess this is a random show because lisa is so nervous she didn't want to be interviewed, so we'll just be talking about random topics, which is why I don't really have any. We have sort of planned topics, but not really anything else. You want to say, or how are you feeling before we jump in?

Lisa: 3:45

No, I'm just excited to yap. I guess so excited yeah I was like I don't really have much to offer wisdom wise, but I can yap, so we'll do that yeah.

J.R.: 3:54

Well, I mean, that's the whole point of the show is that I think on the surface level, you think only accomplished people have wisdom to offer, but in my opinion, I think everyone does. You just have to dig in and ask the right questions and approach it with like curiosity. We'll talk about the first topic, which is again mostly focused on you. But that's totally fine because I'm curious. But as PR manager, you've organized these collabs with different K-pop idols, like up and coming and whatnot, and you help the team have these kind of fun experiences, unique experiences, interacting with these professionals. I wanted to ask you if you had a list of most interesting collabs or most fun collabs or like favorite artists you've worked with most interesting would definitely be a japanese group.

Lisa: 4:41

Actually they're called Psychic Fever and they were the first Japanese group that, at least since I've been on choreos, that we've worked with. But they were. I guess when you're an idol, you have this like facade you have to put on for people right be friendly, appreciate everywhere that you're going, what you're doing, all all your fans, stuff like that. But it was my first time seeing them show like their mood.

J.R.: 5:12

What do you mean by mood?

Lisa: 5:13

Usually they're extremely happy, regardless of whether they're tired or whatever, because they have a lot of schedule and stuff. But not to bash them, but it almost seemed as if they didn't want to be there, but we just wrote it off as they were probably tired with previous stuff yeah, because they were in LA for maybe one to two weeks, which is a lot more than other groups usually would be.

Lisa: 5:35

Because they did a lot. They met up with a lot of other influencers as well. Yeah, it was just interesting for me to see. They were almost too chill to a point where it's like what are we doing here?

J.R.: 5:48

Chill as in not super formal.

Lisa: 5:50

Yeah, but still not putting on their like crowd pleasing kind of personality. So that was pretty interesting.

J.R.: 5:59

Is it because maybe it's their like a Japanese group that's different from like the K-pop groups that we typically work with? Is it a cultural thing? Maybe?

Lisa: 6:07

That I'm not too sure, just because we have worked with a couple other Japanese groups after them and they were more like friendly and excited to be there, or at least they made it seem like they were.

J.R.: 6:21

They had more of that sort of front-facing idle performance. When I was there at the shooting for that, like when we were filming on campus, it was during the protests, right?

J.R.: 6:32

So we were kind of trying to avoid those shots and like the loud activity going around. But it seemed like there were a couple of them who were super friendly and nice, and then there were some professional mood-looking ones and maybe one or two people who are kind of like out of it. I remember that, but I don't know if you had the same experience yeah, no, you think it's.

Lisa: 6:48

Maybe that's their personality, but then it makes you feel like you're stepping on their toes, so you can kind of back up a little bit.

J.R.: 6:55

Yeah, I know remember the one guy with the cowboy hat was super nice, the one who's oh yeah, he's my favorite, suriki yeah, he was like very accommodating. He went up to us and then bonnie had a little breakdown and then he was like comforting her because, of like the shots or something like that, because she was filming. So was that an interesting collab. Or do you have a story about, or a favorite artist that you worked with?

Lisa: 7:15

that was interesting one. I do have my favorite. Our most recent one was probably the most fun one that I did. It was for're Korean, I think, but they have a lot of Japanese fans, so I don't know they have Japanese music as well, but yeah, it's mainly in Korean. They're called N-Sign. I think they've been around for a couple years but I've never heard of them till now.

Lisa: 7:38

But our collab they were super chill. The staff was super chill, very accommodating and they were. They did not let language barrier become a problem because they were still really very much trying to engage with everyone. All the was it me, and then we had a couple other members bonnie and aaron there to like film support and everything like that, and then the actual dancers. So everyone was like having a great time. And then they invited us to their concert as well and it came with all of the not vip perks but like influencer perks, so like we got like the behind the scenes meet and greet with them, and then they gave us an extra meet and greet afterwards as well. So that was really. Most groups don't invite us out to their concerts and stuff like that. So everyone very much became a fan and signed that day and yeah, I think overall it was a pretty smooth process because they were super organized with it.

J.R.: 8:38

I guess my question is why PR Like, why did you end up doing this role?

Lisa: 8:47

PR. Like why did you end up doing this role? Well, initially I signed up to do social media just because of what I wanted to do as PR. I just didn't know it was a role. So it was to like, get opportunities for the team and just get choreos name more known. I guess core people know choreos already. But it's like plateauing because I feel like the k-pop community, the dance community, is growing a lot, so everyone's just on the same laying field, if that makes sense, yeah it's like growing and evolving and changing.

Lisa: 9:21

So it's kind of like we also are trying new things and putting ourselves out there to grow with it yeah, it's cool and all, but I for me, I just want choreos to still be that group that like, if you're in the community, you know yeah yeah, and then that on top of like just getting opportunities for the team because I wanted to market choreos in that way to potential auditionees, just to get people to be like oh, oh, they collaborate with a lot of people.

J.R.: 9:48

It's really cool.

Lisa: 9:49

Yeah, I want to do those things. I should join choreo, so that was my passion.

J.R.: 9:54

Do you feel like it has panned out?

Lisa: 9:56

Yeah, for sure I found out some. Well, they didn't make it into the team, unfortunately, but there were people that wanted to join choreos for that reason, so at least my plan for that to happen played out. But going into it I did not have any pr experience actually, so it was really just passion driving me at that point. Yeah, we had a triple s collab, which is a pretty, pretty known girl group, and that was the very first thing I managed to get on my own, like right off the bat on L ship and I did not know what I was doing, but I think it went pretty well. Oh yeah, I was just nervous the whole way yeah, I feel like.

J.R.: 10:42

I feel like most of what we do on the team, like as leaders, it is just kind of like passion leading the way and we figure out as we go, especially for our younger teammates who don't have an experience in anything. They're just figuring out and that's the whole point. What do you feel like are some good tips or advice for doing PR really well, now that you've been in this position for a couple of years?

Lisa: 11:05

I don't know about pretty well because I don't know if I did pretty well, but I feel like good communication is probably just the main thing you need.

J.R.: 11:15

What is good communication?

Lisa: 11:17

Other positions on the team. Just what is it? Communicate with maybe one or two people to do their job, but for PR you have to communicate with everyone and update everyone about what's going on, what we need to do before, during and after so that everyone's on the same page, and so it's. If details fall through the cracks, then people kind of mess up and that makes us look unprofessional, and so it's really just asking all the details that we need to know, communicating all those details to the people that need to know, and just everyone being on the same page what about, like, any advice or things that you've learned about getting those opportunities?

J.R.: 12:04

Like, how would you advise someone? Okay, if you're a team, k-pop team or whatever and you're trying to find those opportunities and get them for your team, what do you think are some of the best advice?

Lisa: 12:14

Right now social media is a big driving force to get groups' names out there so that agencies can see hey, these, these people get engagement. Maybe they can be of benefit to us because, at the end of the day, everyone, it's a business for everyone.

J.R.: 12:31

So they're just finding ways to get themselves out there more and we're also trying to get ourselves out there more and there's that, and then so, just like building a platform is the most, important thing, because if you have a engaged platform and the businesses companies see that, they're like, oh, let's work with this person it seems like the collab would benefit both of us, right?

Lisa: 12:51

And then the main thing Choreos has that a lot of groups don't is we already have. We're like a namesake already in the dance community and so a lot of agencies already know choreos as being one of the biggest groups in LA. They have all this following, all these subscribers and stuff like that, and so we have that one advantage going for us for sure.

J.R.: 13:15

Okay, so that's like the key for overall key for trying to get those opportunities is building up that platform and making a brand. Yep, I don't know if you had any questions, but my last question on this topic is what does it take to be a good leader? I know that's a very broad sort of question and I know our experiences will be different, but I don't know what do you think is important for leading an organization like this?

Lisa: 13:39

One thing for sure is like patience and empathy, those two going hand in hand to keep figuring out solutions, trucking on, and then they find that you're capable of taking all this in, fixing it and moving on and they trust you to do those things a little better. And then also being firm with your, just your decisions and just it's okay to be unsure, but once you make a decision, sticking with it, even if there's some pushback, you can work through it but still stand your ground and that way people feel like you're more confident and, I think, overall respect as well, because what is the saying? It's you have to. It's not exactly, but you have to respect people to receive that respect deal. So yeah, I think all of that on top of respect is just For me, the foundation of being a good leader.

J.R.: 14:41

Yeah, I think that makes sense. I agree with all of those points. Anything else before we move on to foodie topics and stuff? I don't think so. I think mostly what I want to ask you about in terms of this topic is like so why food blogging and how'd you get into it?

Lisa: 15:00

I like to eat first and foremost, but for food blogging specifically, I think as of now I just wanted a place to document everything that I've tried, just to keep track and have a review of it as well, like an honest review, because eventually I wanted to go into kind of like the foodie influencer type of platform. But I'm still a little nervous about that just because a lot of accounts out there are. More of this place is really cool. It's their food and drinks are super pretty, Everything tastes great here and then a lot of people go and they're like no, it's definitely mid. So I want it to be more of an account. That was like honest. But I have this fear of what if I go somewhere and it's like really bad and I make this video saying everything here is really bad, yeah, and then I ruin their business.

J.R.: 15:58

Thanks, lisa, our livelihood's gone because of your viral.

Lisa: 16:02

Yeah, but I don't know.

J.R.: 16:04

I want to be honest, but also I don't want to hurt people.

Lisa: 16:06

So exactly maybe I'll just give everything a nine and up, like so I wanted a happy medium of that, but I don't know how to do it. Yeah, it's so funny figure that out.

J.R.: 16:14

So you don't want to be like those marketers who are just promoting something for the money.

J.R.: 16:18

I'm not really honest. Yeah, you see in the comments no, this place sucks for sure. I see that sometimes too, where I'm like, okay, your shots look great, the food looks really pretty. And then we look at the menu and like, okay, prices look decent. And then you see the comments and you see the Yelp comments You're like, wait, this place looks like it sucks. And then it is. I hate those videos where it's like, oh, I'm tired of gatekeeping this place. I'm like you're not gatekeeping, your video is viral and you did this on purpose. You're not gatekeeping anything, it's just a hook. That annoys me the most. Yeah, I don't know what about your Yelp experience? So we're both Yelp elite and like we go to these events and whatnot. I don't know how is it like? I feel like it's deja vu. These first two topics are the same things to talk about with Shirley, so Shirley from Shiro. Out with Shirley, so Shirley from Shiro. But anyways, it's just dancing foodie stuff yeah you're pretty much the same, yeah.

Lisa: 17:11

So, like, how has Yelp gone for you? For me, I mainly use Yelp as a platform to find places that are near where. I am Not necessarily like to look at reviews and go based off of them, because I like to try places, whether they're good or bad, to make my own kind of opinion. But writing reviews is fun until I realize I'm going to a lot more places and I need to be writing them more consistently.

J.R.: 17:37

So that's my only downfall with yeah, there's like a backlog of reviews you have to write.

Lisa: 17:41

Yeah but being elite is fun because you get to go to these events. I was convinced that jr was the one that nominated me when I got my yelp elite for some reason.

J.R.: 17:53

But you can't win it yourself.

Lisa: 17:55

You know that right yeah, but I didn't know that was a thing. So I knew you were yelp elite and you were the only one I knew that was.

J.R.: 18:00

So I was like maybe he nominated me anyone can nominate you, and then you can nominate yourself but like who would nominate me?

J.R.: 18:07

you know, because I was barely writing reviews you know anyone else who's active on Yelp? No, you're the only one, I think. I suspect that also sometimes the community managers will go through Yelp profiles and then do that because I don't even know who nominated me. I don't know if I nominated myself it was like years ago but I have a feeling community managers go through and see who's like really active and then throw you in there?

Lisa: 18:30

See, I wasn't, though. That's why I was convinced it was JR.

J.R.: 18:35

Now if you're saying that maybe it's just Yelp's platform just throws people in, and then you're like, oh, I got nominated, Let me put some effort in now.

Lisa: 18:42

Didn't earn it yeah.

J.R.: 18:44

But no, I think it's been fun for me too Free food and stuff like that. I'm pretty tight with my community manager in Long Beach. He throws me into a lot of different events and I would say hi to him and he's super chill and then, yeah, like if there's extra seats, he'll throw me in as well. But he has some of the best events, like Long, shout out.

J.R.: 19:01

The reason why I like Yelp is because it's more honest than those Instagram posts where it's just all hype and fluff and stuff like that. Or at least I can go to Yelp and like, okay, I get the general vibe of what people do and don't like about it. And then, based on the price and experience, like I'm the same I like to try places out for myself, but then I'm pretty honest with the reviews. Places I like will get four stars. Places that are amazing, that go above and beyond, I'll give them. I save the fives for them. But then if you get a four for me, like that's already amazing. But I know businesses they prefer fives. Like I don't know what to tell you. This is how I scale them. But then once in a great while, I'll save my one stars for like this was just a shitty experience, and whoever was I interacted with made it even worse, and so you deserve this one wholeheartedly, but I don't know if you had similar experiences.

Lisa: 19:48

I don't usually put ones or twos unless it's really bad as well. For me, though, when I do my reviews and rating and stuff, it's mainly on the food. A lot of times it's the aesthetic and the presentation of the food and everything really don't do much for me, and so it's if your food tastes good and I guess if you have good customer service like you get a five.

J.R.: 20:13

Wait, but you're saying tastes good and customer service, but you don't consider the aesthetics or the price. Not really.

Lisa: 20:19

Okay, yeah.

J.R.: 20:20

Interesting that was. My question was like what do you look for in good experiences? So I guess that if you're a business and you want lisa to give you a five, just make sure the food tastes good and you're nice to her. Do you have any? Do you have any wrecks in ie ocla top wrecks?

Lisa: 20:33

I know it's a huge list, but no, I feel like ocla is there's way too many like good places, but ie oh it's a smaller group yeah, it's.

Lisa: 20:44

Yeah, not much good food out there, you guys, but some gems that I found, at least in the two years I've lived out there. They're more lower down towards like temecula, but there's, it's like din tai feng, it's called one more bite dumpling house. It's in wildemar, looks like a mom and pop shop not too sure if it is, but I feel like their food is pretty up to standard with like din tai feng, paradise dynasty places like that. There's also a really good all-you-can-eat sushi place called ryu sushi in temecula. Can you spell that? R-y-u?

Lisa: 21:21

oh like dragon, yeah, they look like just a regular all-you-can-eat sushi place, but I find that their fish quality for being in Temecula is really good.

J.R.: 21:32

Yeah, it's hard for the fish to make it out there. There's no water to swim through. As a person who is all over Inland Empire, oc and LA, what are your go-to boba, milk tea, tea shops?

Lisa: 21:45

I don't have a go-to just because I just like to try whatever's out there, but I think I typically recommend, like Junebee. I know some matcha connoisseurs will probably flame me for that one.

J.R.: 22:03

I mean Chelsea likes Junbi right.

Lisa: 22:05

But people flame Chelsea for like Well, whatever.

J.R.: 22:08

Chelsea consumes by volume more matcha. I'm sure Her blood is like half matcha.

Lisa: 22:13

Yeah, Junbi, and I like half and half Tea House. I know they're not great or much, but what do you like about them? That they just haven't failed me yet. I've tried different flavors and they've all at least to me, my palate have appealed it.

J.R.: 22:33

Okay, so then those would be your top places that you would recommend. What about if you could? Just the first one is if you could just teleport there and get your favorite drink or favorite place. What would that place be? And then two by volume where do you go the most?

Lisa: 22:49

If I could teleport, probably Jam Jam.

J.R.: 22:56

What is Jam?

Lisa: 22:56

Jam Jam Jam Tea Lab. They're in Irvine. I don't know if they're Taiwanese or what type of boba shop, but they have a lot of fresh fruit like brewed tea type of drinks that I really like. Their milk teas are really good as well. But yeah, they're out in Irvine so I'm not there. Often Buy volume drinks, probably share tea I'm the same, just by volume.

J.R.: 23:24

Too sure he's like pretty decent too.

Lisa: 23:27

I've gotten used to them and especially with inflation and everything they're still relatively on the cheaper end, that's true places.

J.R.: 23:33

I feel the same way about seven leaves as well. Everyone knows that I tops, like I'm perhaps seven leaves just by volume and just by recommendations, but yeah, haven't failed me, at least anything else on food or food, food blogging and stuff like that. Before we move on to these random topics, no no, no rex or anything. How can people become a great foodie like yourself?

Lisa: 23:55

I would not know, because I'm not just take pictures honest be honest.

J.R.: 24:00

Be honest, but not too honest, because you don't want them to go out of business just on the off chance that your post blows up Cool, all right. First random topic is driving a Tesla. You've had a lot of interesting challenges with driving a Tesla, but I'm sure you've enjoyed your experience driving it. I'm sure it's helped with driving. But do you have any personal challenges along the way that you had?

Lisa: 24:22

He's laughing because he knows.

J.R.: 24:24

I asked the question knowing what the answer is.

Lisa: 24:27

I got the car mainly because I knew I'd be commuting a lot, so it was like on the tail end of me moving out to the IE and I knew I wanted to stay on Corio. That's what I thought I would be saving on, but because of all the driving I'm spending a lot to charge anyways, because one full charge is there and back, unfortunately and the wear and tear right, because you have to maintain no, the amount of bugs on my front bumper any any accidents or damages that happened to happen.

Lisa: 25:03

So I got a windshield crack.

J.R.: 25:05

Oh, really, what kind of crack.

Lisa: 25:06

I was told after the fact that Tesla windshields are especially weak to rock chips. But yeah, I got it on the way to choreo practice surprise and it immediately cracked like a long gash the same day. So it was past repair already. So I was like, okay, I'll just leave it until it's too bad how long did you leave it?

J.R.: 25:39

for two years, wow, that's crazy. So how big did this crack get?

Lisa: 25:43

by that point it got all the way across.

J.R.: 25:46

So for visualizing, it started in the top right corner and then it cracked literally all the way to the bottom left I like this visual because imagine a map of the united states right and then now put a point where like maine is and now draw like a road trip all the way down to, like, san Diego. That's what her windshield look like by the end of two years Just a whole road trip down the US.

Lisa: 26:11

That's not even the worst part, though. I got it fixed, yeah, recently, and then three weeks in I hear this like whistling sound. I just leave it because I thought I'd go away, but then I tell them, hey, there's a whistling sound, and they're like okay, take it in. I take it in, they're like oh, it was a little misaligned, so we fixed it. The windshield yeah so they fixed it. A week after that I got another rock chip. Perfect where?

J.R.: 26:41

where is this rock chip placed?

Lisa: 26:42

it. It was on the driver's side. It's probably in Oregon.

J.R.: 26:49

Oregon, the Northwest.

Lisa: 26:51

Yeah, but thankfully I got that one repaired.

J.R.: 26:56

You're like nope, not this time. Yeah, I got a little kit.

Lisa: 26:59

He helped me repair it. I can still see it. But if you put the sunshade down you can't.

J.R.: 27:03

There you go, cover it up. That's how you deal with problems yep, well, I repaired it.

Lisa: 27:08

Yeah, not great, but I repaired it. Would be 170 to repair just the tiny little.

J.R.: 27:14

I don't have insurance for windshields now, with this experience also, it's funny because the handful of times I've driven in your car, you're like I'm a great driver and then, like during that trip, it's like because the handful of times I've driven in your car, you're like I'm a great driver and then, like during that trip, it's like you like scrape against something he always makes that noise anytime I go through a drive-through and it gives me anxiety.

J.R.: 27:34

Even then, you still sometimes you like just kind of little like the rim scrape and I'm like lisa, you just said you're a good driver and you're showing me the opposite it's just just when you're in the car. It's just my availability. Heuristic, you said you were going to ask me like if I would get a Tesla. Yeah.

J.R.: 27:50

I think I still would. I think it just once it makes sense to, because I got my car what five years ago. It still runs fine and I'm I always like to save money on those sort of big purchases. So until I need one I'm probably going to hold off on it. But I would say, give me like at least a couple more years, because I do like the idea of having technology that's updated for something that I'm driving so many hours. So I am drawn to that. But I don't want my car to get graffitied as well, but I'm sure that won't be a problem.

Lisa: 28:20

I'm still stay from it. Yeah, you'll be fine, that's good.

J.R.: 28:23

Let's see. I don't know if you had any other questions, but I have another one. What is this is?

Lisa: 28:34

another random question, but what is one thing you've changed your opinion on?

J.R.: 28:36

drastically compared to when you were younger.

Lisa: 28:38

She already wrote out all her answers. She's trying to remember them. Yeah, having kids, I guess. Growing up I've always had this traditional mindset from my parents. It's oh, you get married, you buy a house, you have kids, they get grandkids, stuff like that. So I've, I always have done the thing where it's oh, I want this many, I want the boy or the girl first, I want to name them this, this and that. But then growing up, as I realized my flaws, my discovering, your inability to write honest posts, your honest food reviews and maybe driving sometimes.

Lisa: 29:17

Anyways, yeah, realizing my flaws, discovering new personality traits like new, like any desires and stuff like that, I realize that maybe I'm not fit to be a mom or at least take care of kids in general. Like I can do the hanging out with them, teaching them lessons, short periods of time for stuff like that. But I don't think I could do the tasks that they depend on you for, if that makes sense, like changing diapers, feeding them, like taking care of a human.

J.R.: 29:50

Aren't those just basic?

Lisa: 29:51

tasks no.

J.R.: 29:53

You don't think those are learnable?

Lisa: 29:54

No, I could be the cool aunt. That's what I could be. But it's funny because, like on Choreos or like, even just like throughout my life, I've always been the mom friend I've have. I have littles on choreos, as you know, that they refer to me as mother so I can help, be there, guide them, give them advice, listen to them, hang out stuff like that. But they don't depend on me for anything for living.

J.R.: 30:25

Yeah, so it's not the, it's not the position of being a mother and being there for them, but you're saying it's just the actual tasks, like changing diapers. Taking care of a human, yeah and you're the oldest of three siblings, or total four yeah, total four, yep and so I imagine you are like that figure.

J.R.: 30:42

but the cool thing or, I don't know, the interesting thing is you also have a big family and you live with your parents, so I feel like that would help to raise a child, wouldn't it? Because you have a support system.

Lisa: 30:52

It would if they depended on me for those things Like even raising pets. My parents and my siblings do it, and I consider them their pets. That's what.

J.R.: 31:01

I mean Like, yeah, you're the primary caretaker of changing diapers, but at least you would have your family to watch your kids and help with that, right, I feel like that would help.

Lisa: 31:10

I guess, but you're doing most of it as the parent.

J.R.: 31:16

Yeah, as the primary caregiver of your child. Yeah.

Lisa: 31:19

Unless, I just hand it off to my mom.

J.R.: 31:21

Yeah.

Lisa: 31:22

I'm like, hey, I'm here to visit my kid, or okay.

J.R.: 31:26

Just like their foster parents. Okay, here you go Interesting. So it's mostly just that Did you have? What do you mean by other flaws, the inability to do these tasks? I don't know, I don't agree.

Lisa: 31:50

I feel like you can just learn those things. But that aside, are there any other aspects that you feel like for motherhood you lack at this moment? If you want to share, I guess it's the discipline and also patience, because I guess I realized it more recently, because at the office I work at there's a lot of elderly, but a lot of kids also come in. They come in not to get their teeth cleaned or looked at or anything, but they come in with their parents who can't find babysitters, and they so they're off in the corner, they're crying, they're messing with everything, just like I can't deal with this right now. So it's a big patience thing, I mean valid.

J.R.: 32:24

I feel like. Is there anything else that you feel like your opinion has changed a lot since you were younger, besides wanting to be a parent?

Lisa: 32:33

not that I can recall just like the biggest thing.

J.R.: 32:36

So the next one is as you've gotten older, how has your approach to friendships changed, friendships, relationship with your parents and et cetera. I'm just curious.

Lisa: 32:47

For friends. I don't know. I feel like it hasn't really changed For me. All my friendships have always been like I don't need to benefit you in any way. You don't need to benefit me in any way, if we enjoy each other's presence, like that's enough for me to put in the effort to maintain it, and if you decide you want to drop me, then sure, but I'm not going to be the first one to drop you. That kind of deal. I feel like I've always been like that yeah.

Lisa: 33:19

With my parents. Low key I sound like a terrible person. Low key. I feel like it's also a patience thing, my. The older they get, the more just like it's their memory and asking for little things and I don't know why my patience is a little lower with them when it's my. Maybe you asked this because it was my new year's resolution, but the resolution for this year was to be gentler with my parents and the way I talk to them. But I've just been a little more irritable with them as of recently and I definitely realize it mainly because my mom nags about it all the time but she nags you about being irritated with her yeah, she insists that I'm just like always irritable and just always a downer in the family.

Lisa: 34:20

But yeah, I know it and I'm trying to fix it, but it's definitely hard.

J.R.: 34:30

Again, a patient's thing, yeah I feel like that's a normal thing too. I think a lot of people experience that, especially if you live with your family or your parents. I think when I first lived with my parents after graduating college, it was kind of like that, like tensions. Actually, I was talking to my little brother about this. He just moved to the Philippines. He's going into his first year in high school and he was telling me how he's never going to see this. But he's telling me how it's hard with him and our parents because he wants, he loves them and respects them, but then they kind kind of like don't give him that same sort of respect. I mean, he's a child, right and so like he has these ideas he wants to say, but then he can't because of that sort of culture can't talk back to your parents. Even if it's not disrespectful, it's still going to be perceived as that. So he feels this sort of like angst about that or this sort of I don't know. You know what I'm saying.

J.R.: 35:19

Like it's like you can't really say something and you, but you like someone you don't know you know what I'm saying Like it's like you can't really say something and you, but you like someone.

J.R.: 35:23

You don't want to resent them, but you're in this situation where you feel like they talk down to you, and so I think it makes sense when you live so close with them and I told him, once you move out and you're your own adult, your relationship with them would get better. That's the reason why I'm so far away from my family, will, and I have the same experience with, like with my parents and my siblings mostly my sister and sometimes my parents where it's like I'll spend time with them. But I have had three months to like, decompress from them, and then I can handle like maybe a weekend with them. But if I'm too close, sometimes I can get irritated as well, and so I've been consciously doing the same, trying to be better with being more patient and gentler with how I interact with them, and I think, intentionally, that's been helping a lot, at least for me. Did you have any other thoughts on that?

Lisa: 36:14

I was going to ask do you feel like you? Well, I guess it doesn't really apply, since you said it's. Your relationship with your parents is a little better, but do you think you got any of the qualities from them? Because I I asked that because my mom's always nagging me about like you're always nagging and you're always negative all the time and stuff like that and I'm just like you are the exact same. It's like where do you think I got it from? So you raised me and you're always like this, so it's inevitable that the same way yeah, I don't.

J.R.: 36:51

It's hard to. I don't. I know what you're saying and I think most people are like that. I've gotten other things from my parents, but not this. I think I'm the most of my sister, my mom and my dad and myself, I'm the most hard-charging fire type whatever, and I think it's just because I'm more like I don't know. I want to say neurotic, but not really. I've mentioned this on the podcast before. There's other things I got for them. Like my dad, he's very, he's very much a leadership, social type person and even when I visit him, I'm always in awe with how easily he can just make friends with people around him. I'm like, how, like, how do you?

Lisa: 37:22

do that. It's a dad thing, it's well.

J.R.: 37:24

So one thing that I did get from him is just the dad jokes and the silliness. He's quintessentially that. He's bold a lot, he like tells jokes, he works out. So those are like three, four things that I'm like like just a carbon copy of him.

J.R.: 37:39

My mom, she's just a very kind, gentle person. Mom, she's just a very kind, gentle person, very generous, very grateful, and those are like the main things I got from her. But I think personality wise, well, no, because my mom is like the overbearing, protective type. She listens to all these episodes so I know she's gonna hear this, but she is like the make sure to look both ways.

J.R.: 37:57

For across the street and even with my little brother, who's like taller than both of us, if she's driving and she has to stop and she like kind of reaches over to like race, I'm like mom, you're like half our weight and half our size, like what are you going to do? So my brother and I always like that. So she's a little bit more overbearing and that's like always communicating stuff like that, which is, I think, when you're growing up and you're trying to find out who you are and kind of get on my nerves sometimes. But then it's on me to realize, like obviously she's doing that because she cares not to like actually bother me, and so my botherness is my own problem, not hers, and I think that's. I definitely did not get that from her. I think that's just like a parent child thing, maybe.

Lisa: 38:36

But who would you say you're more like?

J.R.: 38:40

I don't know it's, I would like to say my dad, because we just have so many similar personality quirks, but he's way more social and like that sort of fun guy and my mom is like I don't know, she's very like soft and like sweet, but I'm not that. But I've gotten my values from both of them, so like in terms of what we believe in and how we act is the same, but personality type like way different.

Lisa: 39:05

Yeah.

J.R.: 39:05

Hard to explain. My sister is a lot like my mom, though I feel like that's like pretty clear.

Lisa: 39:11

All my siblings are like my mom, but my mom's always like you're just like your dad. I don't know if that's a bad or a good thing. I think my dad is great.

J.R.: 39:19

What is your, what is your dad like in that situation where she's saying you're like him?

Lisa: 39:24

It's that nagging and negativity and stuff like that.

J.R.: 39:26

But you're saying they both nag or she nags you.

Lisa: 39:29

Yeah, that's what.

J.R.: 39:30

I'm saying she's just like oh, negative trait your dad.

Lisa: 39:32

That's why it's like you're nagging. When she thinks I'm nagging, I'm like you're literally nagging right now.

J.R.: 39:39

About my nagging.

Lisa: 39:45

Yeah, but I don't think me and my dad like necessarily nag that much. It's just pointing out things that she's wrong or being unreasonable about, and she finds that as being nag, like nagging and negative. So, yeah, I do think I'm like my dad as well, though, and I find that it's not a problem at all to be like my dad, because he's the same way where he's like super friendly and he has like extremely strong values about like family and stuff like that.

J.R.: 40:14

So, yeah, I'm pretty proud to be like my dad that's good you said your siblings are more like your mom, though. Mm-hmm Like what are those qualities?

Lisa: 40:25

They. She speaks her mind a lot. They don't actually, but everything else they're more like her, where it's putting others first and just how do I say this, their humor their humor as well is also a little off-putting. I don't know. There's a lot of things I can't quite think of it right now, but Okay.

J.R.: 40:48

My next thing was like the question I guess it doesn't really go anywhere, but it was what kind of parent would you aspire to be? You don't want to be a parent right, at least as of right now, but if you had to, what kind of parent would you want to be?

Lisa: 41:04

whichever one raises me to be like me, I'm just raises my kids to be like oh, to be like yeah, I guess more, more understanding understanding.

J.R.: 41:17

That's it, yeah, understand them how does fun? That's what I'm saying you guys. How do you be understanding and how do you be fun? What does that mean? Asking for a friend.

Lisa: 41:30

I don't know. I feel like you kind of need to be a superhero of all things to be a good parent.

J.R.: 41:38

I see why the task seems daunting to you.

Lisa: 41:41

If you feel like you need to be a superhero Understanding, forgiving, but also strict enough, but not overbearing.

J.R.: 41:53

Oh, so a balance.

Lisa: 41:54

Yeah.

J.R.: 41:55

Oh wow, it's crazy.

Lisa: 41:56

Yeah, oh, wow, it's crazy. Yeah, just be someone that your kids can open up to, because I know for a lot of my friends it's like their parents want them to open up to them, but it's like they're overbearing because they're protective and so they don't. Their kids don't want to share anything with them and so, yeah, if I were to ever be when I'm scared, that's gonna happen. But and then if you're too relaxed, then they don't like obey and I don't know. I also just want to be able to have strong enough values to be able to transfer that over to my kids as well, just so they grow up to be good, decent people. And the whole thing of putting them into different hobbies and stuff. I don't know if it's good to be the type where you just decide for them, just put them in whatever you want them to be, and maybe they'll grow into it and become that.

Lisa: 42:52

Or you just let them try a million things, have them find out for themselves. But what if they never find something they like?

J.R.: 43:01

happy mediums it's hard yeah, I feel like I thought about that too.

J.R.: 43:06

I feel like I would at least quote-unquote force them into things that I know are useful, like some sort of martial art obviously, hopefully some sport besides that, I think, some sort of art type thing I think is good, and like languages and whatnot.

J.R.: 43:19

But other than that, I would still encourage them to try a lot of different things. My friend who is on the podcast she's a Dorothy, she's a dance studio owner, and she said that what she recommends parents is to, even though their kids are sometimes too young to realize or to know what they really like, sometimes it's on the parent to just keep them in and help them have that experience like a more long-term experience, because you don't really know you're good at it or you like it, or sometimes those are connected until you do it for a decent amount of time, and I think that makes a lot of sense. If you just put them in for a week, that's not enough for them to really experience anything, but maybe a year, a couple of years, something like that, is probably a little bit better gauge. So I feel like that's how I would approach it. Yeah.

J.R.: 44:08

But I totally agree with the whole. Being a parent, I think based on how I was raised not that it's the same or different but I would also want to be a parent who obviously does my job, keeps them alive. But what I don't want to be is those parents who are tiger parents, who are overbearing, but also they try to ready the path for their child instead of their child for the path.

J.R.: 44:32

Meaning they try to carve out all these things for them, do everything for them or put them on this path because that's what they, the parent, wants them to go, as opposed to equipping my kids with the mindset and the ability to get through anything, to commit to something, to follow through, to put in the hard work and I wouldn't praise them for results, but I would praise them for effort and for like commitment, and then that will make them more ready for whatever path that they want.

J.R.: 44:56

And I would never dictate what they would want to do. But, to your point, to listen to them, to understand them, so that I can identify what I feel like they want to do or what they're good at, and then help guide them in that direction, give them the resources. But other than that, I'd want them to become their own adults and I think that, as a non-parent, I think my biggest critique for parents is don't try to make your kids into something that they're not, because that's just going to make them resent you and that's not good for either of you. But if you do your best to provide a safe, comforting environment and then help them grow into the person they're meant to be and accept them as they are, you'd have a better shot at figuring out themselves in their life.

J.R.: 45:33

Obviously, it's in theory right Like my parents have more experience with raising kids than I do, but that's just how I see it.

Lisa: 45:39

Would you say your choreos fam is your practice. I guess.

J.R.: 45:43

So I would like to think that it feels like it, because it feels like being a parent where it's okay. You want to do a lot for them and you want to show them that you care, you want to be there for them, and then you get nothing in return. That's what I feel like parenting is like, and now having my own children on choreos it makes me appreciate my parents more, because they did the same thing for the last 30 something years is they gave me everything. They didn't. I'm lucky. My parents never really expected anything from me or they never asked me for anything. So I really appreciate them for that.

J.R.: 46:13

But now that I'm older and I'm in this sort of parental position, I appreciate them even more for what they did, because I didn't appreciate it or recognize it until now, because it's like it's just there. You're like oh, you're supposed to love me, you're supposed to give me all this stuff, you're supposed to whatever X, y and Z. And both my parents are like that. They just give to me without any expectations, and that's not how their parents were. And so now that I'm doing the same, I'm like, oh wow, I really should not expect anything in return, because that's how it's like to be a parent. So I guess that's my main experiences.

J.R.: 46:43

Also, this is what it's like being a parent you don't get any rewards, but you just give, and then you learn how to be a giving, loving person, unconditionally, without. It's different than a friendship, whereas, like you, expect the friendship to be mutual, where it's OK, like we both input into this account of a shared friendship, and then sometimes we both withdraw once and but we also input, deposit into this account, and so we kind of have this mutual trust and respect and then a relationship builds off of that and it's we choose to be there. But with a parent child, in my opinion it's no. Your parent, your kids, will probably never appreciate or reciprocate your actions, but you do so anyway, and that's what I learned from my parents, is that you still do so anyways, because for most of my life I don't think I appreciate them as much as I should have, and so I'm like, oh, that's what it's like. Okay, now I understand I would.

J.R.: 47:34

I would want to have kids one day. I definitely still am on that track. I, I guess just to answer the question. It would be nice, but not my timing.

Lisa: 47:42

JR is very much a father. It's funny because he does boyfriend things like he would do for his girlfriend Blessy and me and my little Alex. We'd be like, oh my god, he's a boyfriend, he's a boyfriend thing. It thing is so weird because we're like no, JR is father.

J.R.: 48:00

yeah, well, yeah, I mean, yes, you just learn how to do that role right, like you just take care of the people you care about. I don't know, I think it's different, but yeah, it's also interesting because it's I don't know, aside from you, lisa, I think honestly you're the only person I would consider a friend out of my littles. I think my other littles, like, I don't think you're the only person I would consider a friend out of my littles. I think my other littles, like I don't think they're my friends which is a weird thing to say.

J.R.: 48:21

I guess I try to understand the nuance of what I'm saying is like friends are like yeah, it's because she's old, actually that's the only reason why Because it's like friends, you're there for each other, right, and it's like you show up for each other to their parties and stuff like that. But for my other littles and grand littles, great grand littles, all this other stuff, like I know I'm not their friend but I'm their big, so it's like I enjoy being that person for them, but I don't feel like they would consider them a friend and I think it goes both ways. But except for you present party excluded, because Lisa actually invites me to her birthday and parties and stuff like that. And she actually asks me to hang out and eat with her. So I'm like, okay, lisa is my friend and my little, yeah, okay, anything else. Otherwise I'm going to ask you about dating we still have time for that.

Lisa: 49:04

We definitely have time for that. Yeah, that's, I think that's it.

J.R.: 49:07

I only want to ask this because we've had, when we've carpooled before we've definitely a lot of conversations when you were in the dating market and kind of philosophies and thought processes. So I thought it'd be interesting. But I don't know general dating tips, advice for guys and for girls. I know you've been out of it for a little bit but I don't know. Your stories were interesting.

Lisa: 49:27

Let's see, most of my dating experience is just the apps. I feel like a lot of people would agree that's like the only way to meet people these days. Yeah, that's where I met my current boyfriend.

J.R.: 49:40

But thankfully it worked out. Yeah, but I'm sure.

Lisa: 49:43

Hopefully it will continue to work out.

Lisa: 49:47

But my youngest sister just started dating and the things that I've been telling her is to just go into it with an open mind of I'm trying to find out what type of people I'm interested in and what kind of values that I would want from a significant other. But don't make them think how do I say this that they're like a test subject. You know, like, go into it with a I'm just seeing, but also maybe you could be like my long-term partner. So treat every date a little more seriously. I know some people would say the opposite. Where it's oh, you're just maybe yeah, have fun one and done.

Lisa: 50:28

You're just seeing. But I've always been the type to date, a lot more exclusively like I go into one and then I test it out for a while until I'm like, ok, you're really not the one for me, so then you move on.

J.R.: 50:43

So you're saying it's not just like the attitude going into, that first date is whatever, this isn't serious, but actually like trying or giving it a good effort before just writing it off.

Lisa: 50:53

Yeah, gotcha, I don't know, I don't have, I don't have very many good dating experiences.

J.R.: 50:59

That's what I want to hear about, but like I don't know worst day experiences or like biggest red flags people should look out for, I guess in the context of someone like your sister who's going into the shit show of dating apps and whatnot. I don't know, I've never heard of anyone having good experiences until they find someone right Like miraculously, but I don't know what. Would you give those younger girls advice, or just girls in general?

Lisa: 51:22

that's hard because everyone, yeah, prefers different things. Sure, like I know, for me and my best friend we have completely different oh, like types yeah, and so it's some things I find that she likes. I'm like that's a terrible thing and she's totally fine with it but do you think apps are the best way to meet people?

J.R.: 51:41

some sometimes people say it is like objectively, because by volume, but some people say no, I've never had a good. My experiences that were good were always like organically, in person or whatever. Do you have thoughts on that?

Lisa: 51:52

for me. I find that it's the easiest way at least because unless you're working in a place that has people that could be your type or, like you, have friends that also have friends who they could hook you up with, there's not too much of that at least not for me, because I guess where I went to school in Orange County, all the guys there were not my type there's so many Asians in OC though, I know, but the same type of Asians.

Lisa: 52:31

The ones that are good are very rare or taken. So yeah, and then all my friends.

J.R.: 52:38

We tend to hang out with girls and I'm into men oh wow, shocker yeah, so it's just hard to find anyone organically that way I was talking with a mutual friend of ours I won't out her, but she was saying how it's kind of scary okay, this person's in college, so narrowing it down, but this, it's scary to think that like she wants to be in a relationship or get into whatever when she's in college because she knows that as you get older in the workforce, like your social circle gets smaller, which is true, right, unless you put an effort to expand your circle or be engaged or find new circles.

J.R.: 53:18

So that for her is one reason why she wants to find a relationship in college, because it's easier, because there's so many different collision points with people, and so I think that makes sense. But I'm conflicted because in hindsight I know that that's not always the best time to it is, but it isn't, because I feel like the most effective time to date is what as you're growing your self-awareness, your values, your boundaries and your ability to communicate and have a relationship with someone, and that is almost never going to be when you're very young. But it's like a hard balance because I know that people want to be relationships and it's normal and all these hormones and stuff. But I don't know most of my younger relationships like when I was early 20s and even before.

Lisa: 54:01

That never turned out right because I was definitely not ready for it but it's hard to tell someone that right yeah, no, yeah, I would say I definitely couldn't navigate my current relationship without the experience of my past ones, and I don't know if for her, she's finding it easy to navigate those problems. But I guess it is better if she has people to talk to, like you, to share your experience, and then she can learn that way.

J.R.: 54:28

Yeah, the last person I had on the show.

J.R.: 54:31

her episode just came out, Vanessa she was talking about, like her relationships and like her toxic relationship when she was much younger and she said the whole thing about making sure to have a community, because at least you have a community around you. And if you can't see your blind spots, obviously when you're in love quote, unquote but at least if your community around you, who you trust, is telling you, hey, there's something here that's not right or there's some red flags, that's a good sign to get that third party perspective. I feel like that's a good. Rule of thumb is listen to your friends, guys and your people who care about you, because they can definitely see past your blind spots. Yeah, anything else on dating that you feel like would be valuable or hot takes no, I just have terrible stories, but I want to do trauma dumping today.

J.R.: 55:12

That's what we wanted okay, it's fine, because I think we're wrapping up on time anyways, all right, last thoughts or takeaways or anything you want to throw in there before we just have our last two questions no, that's it okay, all right. Well, we'll end with gratitude. Shout out to my mother what are you grateful for, lisa?

Lisa: 55:31

the typical friends family my boyfriend for supporting me and everything I do, choreos for helping me develop my leadership skills and being my close knit circle of friends for a long while. And JR. I'm always grateful for JR.

Lisa: 55:50

He's taught me a lot. I did it guys. I finally got the shout out Cool. So where can people find you if they want to see what you're up to, connect, etc I have a it's like a k-pop post, whatever account, it's lisakr kr for korea, and I also have my food instagram that I just post nice pictures the occasional I'm just eating um at noms for lisa. If you want to follow that one nice.

J.R.: 56:21

Yeah, I'll link both of her socials so you guys can check out what she's up to. Okay, lisa, that is it. Thank you so much for being here. I really appreciate it. This felt like a half interview, half random show, because it's like let's just hear what lisa has to say she's yapping.

Lisa: 56:34

It's fine. If you get some wisdom nuggets, it's fine.

J.R.: 56:37

People just enjoy hearing people talk and just hearing their thoughts, like turning off their brain and listening to our yapping so, anyways, thank you lisa again for being here.

J.R.: 56:45

I really appreciate it for you guys. I'll do my sign off. Please like, subscribe, follow whatever, leave us comments. Leave lisa love in the comments below, wherever you're listening to this. I haven't asked for reviews, but I don't know. Leave me five stars wherever you're listening to this. I guess That'll help, but do whatever you want, I guess. So, yeah, thank you guys for being here. I appreciate it. Be sure to Reminder to always be kind to other people, especially yourself, and reminder you can always learn something from someone if you take the time to listen. So thanks for being here.