J.R.: 0:00

Hello my audio-only audience. Welcome back to another fun episode of 1000 Gurus with me, your host, jr Yonacruz. Today's episode is a random show episode with a repeat guest, austin Lee, who was the second guest ever on this show. Personally, I was happy to have him come back for several reasons First being I wanted him to experience what it was like being back on the show. It's been literally a year since he first came on and I know I'm a better host since then. So the second, because Austin is a very thoughtful and reflective individual who has a lot of great insights. And third, because he's so easy and fun to talk to, which is most ideal for any of my guests, especially for these ones. We talk about marriage, pet peeves, weird food combos, what home means to us, our astrological profiles, what we've learned from our younger friends and our thoughts on happiness and fulfillment. Just a fun episode not only to record but to re-listen to for me. So, without further ado, hope you enjoy this episode with Austin Lee.

J.R.: 0:56

Hello everyone and welcome back to 1000 Gurus. Please welcome my guest, austin. So Austin is a repeat guest. If you guys were here from the beginning, austin is a repeat guest. If you guys were here from the beginning, austin is guru number two, so we are happy to have him back on the show. So thank you, austin, for being here.

Austyn: 1:14

Happy to be back.

J.R.: 1:15

Yeah, so we have a lot of catching up to do. Obviously, we've seen each other since then, but what else have you been up to since the first time you were here? Any big updates or stuff that you're up to?

Austyn: 1:31

Yeah, actually, actually a lot has happened. I think this is honestly probably exactly a year since we recorded the first one, so one big update. I got married about a month ago. My husband, samyuk, is over there watching. So big life update number one we fostered another cat and then ended up adopting her. So now we have three cats Moved to a bigger apartment in K-Town, so that's been nice and cats have more room now.

Austyn: 1:56

What else Made four plus years at my current company and then decided it's about time to move on to something else. So trying to make that transition. So, while it's exciting to move on to something else, so trying to make that transition. So while it's exciting to move on to not really sure what else, so there's a little bit of uncertainty, a little bit of excitement to leave a kind of crazy environment. So, yeah, lots of life transitions. Oh, and then I rejoined our dance team again, which has been fun to have some more exercise again and be social again, but also tiring and stressful sometimes. But so lots of changes, lots of excitement and, yeah, overall just been really excited and happy.

J.R.: 2:32

Nice, I'm glad to hear and happy to hear and congrats again on getting married. Excited for you both. Yeah, I was going to mention the whole dance thing too, because it was nice to have you back on the team. Obviously, in our first episode episode we talked about being on leadership and then you took a break and then you rejoined again. So it's been nice to see you around and being engaged with the team and, of course, it's always nice to be around people and friends and do fun stuff. You moved recently and I think we went to your place for wait was it your birthday, or was it a housewarming?

Austyn: 3:00

oh yeah, it's my birthday. Yeah, that's.

J.R.: 3:01

So that was fun and we went to that one. Was that a boba ice cream place or dessert place?

Austyn: 3:07

Oh yeah, tu Cha in K-Town, tu Cha yeah yeah.

J.R.: 3:09

That was really nice, really bougie-ish like desserts, but it was really good. What else I wanted to get into the whole, like what we were talking about off screen, which was the whole marriage. I guess one of the warm questions besides that is what have you? What else you've been up to any new sort of interests that have been fun or exciting? You mentioned Pokemon cards.

Austyn: 3:31

Oh, right, I think so. This happened right after I took a break from the dance team. Probably was just because I was looking for something else to get into, and I have always been a Pokemon fan, since it pretty much came out like the same time, at the same time or same year I was born, yeah. So I definitely, I definitely grew up with it. And then I collected cards since I was a kid, all the way maybe up to like early middle school. And then I was wondering like, oh, like it's still going on. And I think I went to the Best Buy and saw some cards and I was like, okay, I'll buy a pack and see what's going on. And then that just snowballed very quickly and gateway drug yes, me collecting again.

Austyn: 4:13

And then when I went back home to Hawaii, we're cleaning out the storage closet and then I or storage locker and then I found all my old cards and I was like, okay, time to look through it and appraise them and then flew them back with me to California and then added all of those back to my collection. And now it's trying to buy packs, old packs, and then buying singles and appraising them and everything. So that's been another expensive hobby and finding friends who are also collecting too. So it's been fun. Kind of expensive, but yeah, that's another hobby of mine.

J.R.: 4:46

Now, what is that appraisal process like? Because I had the same experience. My sister and I went into our storage. We found our old pokemon cards and they're in pretty decent condition but we've never appraised them but we're like, okay, I'm sure these are worth something not that we plan on selling or anything, and side tangent. It was funny because all of my stuff, my cards, my sister's cards are like in her place and I was like look, if the house burns down, grab this backpack with our cards. I don't care about any of the other sentimental stuff, grab the Pokemon cards, but yeah. So what is that appraisal process like? And is it expensive or do you do it on a time? Is it like in bulk or do you? What service do you use? I don't know.

Austyn: 5:23

Yeah, there are definitely multiple companies or a couple of companies. I think most people trust or use PSA and most people are chasing for a PSA grade 10, meaning, in theory it's like in pristine condition. 10 is the highest. Yeah, 10 is the highest and that's usually the most quote unquote expensive. And yes, you do have to pay. I don't know how much it is, maybe like 30 bucks per car to get it graded, plus all the shipping, handling et cetera. So usually you want to do it all at once, so you're not just doing it individually, but of course you're looking for are there any like scratches or bends or folds? Or is the paper peeling off stains like pens markings, anything on it? Also, is it fake, right like in case you bought a single off of some rando on facebook? Maybe it is a fake. Or on ebay, maybe it is a fake, which is very unfortunate because that does happen.

Austyn: 6:18

But that's, that's basically the appraisal process. So that's, if you want it graded, some people just keep it raw, which is what you're describing of, just like we're just going to keep it in our binders, which is fine. Some people do that calculation of. Just well, if I appraise it and it's a graded 10, it's this amount, but if I keep it raw, actually the math works out where it's more valuable if I keep it raw. So it's a whole world. And right now I'm more in that thing of I'm keeping this, because I like this card, I like the value, like the art, I'm like it's not trying to make a profit off of it, right.

J.R.: 6:52

So you have some cards that you have appraised and graded and no yeah. So do you. So have you like looked up that process of OK, which one might be worth it or which one do you think are valuable?

Austyn: 7:03

I have yes, but again I'm like that's a lot of effort. Again, I'm more in for this for the heart of it and not like the heart of the cards. But that's a Yu-Gi-Oh thing. But yeah, no, I'm not that into it.

J.R.: 7:15

Gotcha, gotcha. Okay, yeah, I was thinking about that too, because I know I have some decent cards in my binder. But I'm like is it worth it? Do I really care about it? Like it'd be nice, but also, it's okay, let me just keep it for now.

Austyn: 7:25

It's not a high on the priority list, yeah, so if I'm assuming, the cards you're referring to are probably like the earlier packs of the gen 1 cards it's. Are they first edition? Are they shadowless meaning they were like one of the first printed cards then those are probably the more valuable ones. Makes sense.

J.R.: 7:45

Okay, cool. Yeah, that's something for me to think about now mental note when I go back home to check my cards out. Okay, so, before we get into our regular topics, I want to ask about marriage. This is something I talk with my older friends about, some of them who have recently gotten engaged or married or have been married for a little bit, and since you got married recently, I wanted to ask you. The general idea is how did you know it was the right time for you guys to get married? For other people you might be considering who should I look for in a partner? When do I know it's the right time? If this is the right person and I know for every person it's different but maybe what are some of your insights on how you approach that?

Austyn: 8:25

Yeah, I feel like it's such a cliche answer because when people have asked us that, like we both say, oh, it just felt right and it still feels right and it's okay. Well, that doesn't really tell me anything and it's like exactly like you said, like what feels right to you, totally different than somebody else. And then, if I had to, of course, explain it further, there's like the logistical aspect of everything, of just we have to talk through timelines and expectations and make or after, and we have been living together for quite a while beforehand, so like that was already taken care of. We've proven we can live together harmoniously. So that was like already a good sign.

Austyn: 9:13

But I think for me, even though we had already been talking about it for a while and we already knew we're on this path, I guess what was more surprising to me was just even the further we're going along in the relationship, the more I just kept realizing that he really, really cared for me and kept showing that care for me. For example, like even if he was like working late or always super stressed about work or something else, like making sure that I had enough food or was cooking for me, or those like acts of service that he kept doing for me. I was like, oh wow, like I already that he kept doing for me. I was like, oh wow, like I already knew that you care for me, but you keep showing it, and of course, that made me want to make sure that I keep showing my care for him in whatever ways I can or in ways that I know that he would appreciate. So one, yes, making sure that it was not stagnating, making sure that I felt like, wow, this person's going above and beyond this person, showing that he still cares for me, and that motivates me to want to show that I still want to care for this person. That means this bond is really strong.

Austyn: 10:16

And then two, because I feel like I have a lot of experience with relationships. I was like wow, like I don't think I've had anyone treat me this way or and I don't think I've ever felt this way about somebody else, even if I've been in relationships that have been longer than this relationship I'm like, okay, then I know how special this is. So I need to like not lock this down now, because there's really no rush, but it's more like yeah, this feels right, like I don't think, even though there's like billions of people in the world and think, even though there's like billions of people in the world and sure you can probably have strong relationships with I don't know a handful of them I'm like I'm gonna nurture this one. Yeah, that was what was going on in my mind and yeah, we were just like, okay, let's look into the actual, like legal process. We can do all the big celebrations later. And then we just settled on a date and, yeah, invited some friends to celebrate with us when we actually went to the courthouse, and that was that.

J.R.: 11:07

Okay, I like those two points where you're saying how the consistency over time, how it made you feel. I guess one of the questions that also comes up usually with people who are interested in being married is timelines and timeframes and age and things like that. Right, how early is too early, how late is too late. There's always the societal pressure, the family pressure and the personal expectations of I need to be married by this time, this date, or I'm getting older or I want kids soon. Obviously, those are real considerations. Do you have any thoughts on balancing that with the important things that you're saying of how it feels right, logistics are right and maybe you guys obviously have good chemistry and you work well together and you can go through conflicts well, but how do you perceive that time?

Austyn: 11:53

aspect with marriage. Yeah, I think, speaking for myself, like when I was growing up, I think I always knew I wanted to at least have a life partner, like period. And I guess, does marriage have to be a part of that? Not necessarily, but in my thinking of my future growing up, yes. So did I necessarily have a timeline on that? No, but if I had to put a timeline on that, sure, maybe. Like early 30s, yeah, and why Societal pressure? That's around my parents' timeline? Sure, but, and maybe that's also what my parents expected of me as well.

Austyn: 12:36

But I will say, not everyone is so fortunate, because I feel like I have a lot of friends who feel super pressured by their family or society's expectations on them and whether or not they want that. They're like I don't have anyone, I don't have any interest, or I'm trying and I'm not even getting dates or whatnot. So I feel for them. So that's point number one. I had that in mind, I have kind of been working towards that, but it wasn't really like a hard and fast rule. And the second point regarding timelines is I feel like through my early 20s, late teens, early 20s, I've made like dating and finding a partner like one of my top priorities in life and then all of a sudden, through like my late 20s, I came to that conclusion of actually there's more to me than just relationships. I don't really need to prioritize that.

Austyn: 13:31

If it happens, it happens Like I have other things going for me, there's other things that value in life, like performing arts and my job or my dance team or my friends. Like I don't need to keep putting all my energy into these people who aren't giving it back. And then it's. It's like a weird karmic thing of as soon as I let that go, oh, then there, now there comes someone who, like is willing to give all that energy back to me.

Austyn: 14:00

The moment I let that go of, like me desperately trying to find somebody who is willing to love me back, even though deep down I knew that they weren't willing to put in that energy or effort, me trying to just fit a circle into a square peg or whatever that metaphor is. So that was my other realization, too is, like, as soon as I let that desperation or expectation go, then I started attracting like something that just naturally fit into what I was looking for. So, yeah, like again, did my quote unquote timeline work out? Yes, but I don't think you should really put too much pressure on that or settle for less. But I do acknowledge that some people do feel a lot of pressure and maybe don't feel as comfortable pushing back on that. It makes a lot of sense.

J.R.: 14:51

Okay, so the 15 minute warm up is done, so we can go into our topics. I don't know. Do you have a question at the top of your mind that you want to bring up first for a random show?

Austyn: 15:00

No, you go ahead.

J.R.: 15:01

I can go first and then started this off. So my question or I guess this is an easier one but pet peeves. So do you have any specific weird or quirky pet peeves? I guess maybe that's by definition pet peeve is quirky. Do you have any that come to mind? So I'll start off for me.

J.R.: 15:20

One of mine is this is very weird.

J.R.: 15:23

But if I'm walking, let's say, on a sidewalk, and there are like, let's say, two people in front of me, like adjacent to my path, and they're talking, but you can tell that they're about to break away, break up and walk away, okay, like they're saying goodbye.

J.R.: 15:37

What I really, I want to say hate, is as soon as I get next to them, then they break up, and now one of them is walking next to me and my brain is like why did you wait until I'm walking next to you for you to break up and now walk next to me? I'm like, couldn't you have done that earlier or later? But it's like their subconscious brain was like it's like a passing car, it's like, oh, I need to catch this train or whatever, and then let me get on that. But I'm like I don't want to walk next to you, this person, I don't know, and it's now, we're okay, that's. It's just a weird thing, but it always pisses me off. I'm like so I walk slower or faster because I know they're going to do that, and it happens more often than I would like, but anyways, that's my pet peeve.

Austyn: 16:15

Interesting. Now I can see how that's very awkward. Mine also occurs like when walking on the sidewalk is really interesting and I feel like maybe it's more common. But the first thing that came to mind is more like folks who like spit on the sidewalk, either like gum or clearing their throat, and I think that just comes from growing up where in hawaii, just respecting the land and not littering, throwing trash, spitting on it, no matter your reason, like I just don't like disrespecting the land in that way. So I understand again, even if you're like clearing your throat and there's no other way or manner to do that or dispose of it, I'm like, can you not?

J.R.: 17:03

So yeah, yeah, that's valid. Valid especially the trash thing, because sure, let's say, spit if you in the grass, whatever, like it goes away eventually. Biodegrade whatever, but trash or littering it's like does that really belong there? And now you're disrespecting your land, your home, where you live, or even if you're visiting. So it is like a why would you do that to a place we all are? But I get that. Did you have a question?

Austyn: 17:26

Oh yeah, I'm a huge foodie, so what is your? This shouldn't taste good, but does food combo. So my answer for this I feel like I get flamed every time I say this, so mine is. I don't do this all the time, but I do enjoy some ketchup with my mac and cheese okay, and every time I say that some people are like ew, or a lot of people are like ew and I'm like it tastes good. It's an interesting combination. Am I in the?

J.R.: 17:57

minority here. I can't say honestly, I've ever heard of that combination okay I can imagine what it takes. You said ketchup and mac and cheese. Yeah, I heard this recently, but someone was like hot take. I don't think anybody under seven should eat ketchup, which is funny because I'm like, okay, I get what you're saying. They're like ketchup is like a little kid sort of thing.

J.R.: 18:20

Sure, whatever this person believes, I just thought it was a funny that's funny yeah, because I'm like, but people like eat hot dogs and ketchup and stuff all the time. But I think I understand where that person's coming from. It's funny. Okay, sorry, you said the question is like something that you don't think should taste good, but yeah, shouldn't.

Austyn: 18:36

What's your? This shouldn't taste good, but it does.

J.R.: 18:38

Food combo oh okay, oh man, I wish I, I know I have some of these things. I think a lot of it stems from, like the salty sweet combo where it's like okay, that's weird and it probably shouldn't taste good like. I think the biggest example is like the sea salt cream boba type stuff like I was gonna say what about all your custom boba orders?

J.R.: 18:58

yeah. So a lot of the saltier sort of things with a sweet dessert or drink feels a little bit counterintuitive. Also like hawaiian pizza, pineapple pizza, stuff like that. I think I'm more yeah, it's fine, like it's a salty, sweet thing, but some people are very adamant on no. Salty and sweet should be segregated always. Okay, that's a little I don't know. Sure, maybe it's your own preference, but I don't think something comes to mind right now specifically. But I think those sort of combos I'm always open to try it, but or even I guess another weird thing would be like the cheese and ramen thing. I don't, I've only had it like once, but I'm not against it, but I don't think it's my thing. But yeah, I think the sweet, salty stuff usually makes sense.

J.R.: 19:39

My next question is I was mentioning off camera that I was reading this book called 101 essays that change the way you think and it's 101 chapters with 10 to 30 points per chapter and it's all just these sort of one-liner nuggets of wisdom that really do change the way you think.

J.R.: 19:57

But it almost feels like I'm ingesting knowledge through a fire hose and I have to like pause because everything is so profound and I'm like I need to think on this a little bit, and so one of the things that I wrote down that I want to ask you about is this idea that I've never heard before, but there's just three layers of ourselves.

J.R.: 20:14

I guess we're going deep, but there's three layers, and if you can think of a large circle, a smaller circle inside and the small circle inside, which is identity, shame and true self. And so the outer circle identity is how we are perceived by other people or how we think others perceive us, how we are perceived by other people or how we think others perceive us. Inside of that, is the shame circle which prevents our true self, which is at the core, from being exposed or shown to the outside. And so this author was saying the closer we can get our inner core, our true self, to our identity, our outer external self, the happier we'll feel. The less cognitive dissonance, the more peaceful we'll feel. So I thought that was profound.

Austyn: 20:57

Maybe I don't have any thoughts on that, but I wanted to ask your thoughts on that. Actually, I think this is a lot of what I've been struggling with these past few months, or even this past year at work, which kind of led me to make this decision to leave. There's a lot of other things too, but when I'm thinking about like the feelings aspect or emotions aspect of what I've been like dealing with, I think it comes down to that, because I feel like when I talk to my colleagues, like they know that I value authenticity and I will always speak my mind, whether it's like a process that I think could be improved at work or something I don't think is right, or speaking out of injustice, whether it's in the world or something that's happening in the workplace which can be exhausting, which is also probably leading to my burnout. But when I take a step back and I'm like, well, why do I still feel like I'm not completely being authentic? I think it's that idea of, well, okay, I have this persona at work. How much of that really is me being authentic? And then what is quote, unquote, my true self, and sure you can have multiple facets of yourself, and there's that professional context.

Austyn: 21:54

And then me outside of work, sure, but again I was like, if I'm putting in all this work, there's so much going on in the world right now that I really would rather be spending more of my time doing or even like the fun, creative stuff. I'd rather just be spending more time doing dance stuff and socializing. I'm like, why am I working on all these slide decks and spreadsheets? And even though I do love that the company is health related, I'm like I still feel not maybe cognitive dissonance, but I still feel a lot of gap in the work I'm doing is not directly related to that, even though I still love the mission. But yeah, so that's interesting and that's something I've been struggling with, and I think I've been working with a career coach and a life coach these past few months and something I have uncovered is that shame aspect of what's at the root cause of it or why haven't I been able to tackle it?

Austyn: 22:45

And it all comes down to shame and I think that's a super common thing with all people, all humans, and that's something I just really need to think through. Is it shame from seeming or appearing so quote unquote successful in education, in work, in career, and then all of a sudden saying I don't want to do this or I don't think I want to do this, and then just putting it aside. Shame of, oh, but people put so much effort and support into you and you're just going to throw it away. Shame into, oh, but look at all what your peers are doing and you're so behind them. Why are you throwing this away? Shame of? Are you just giving up? Are you sure you want to do this?

Austyn: 23:28

All of that shame is preventing me from getting into that inner core of just trying to figure out who I am. It also doesn't have to be so black and white. I think this is still a good thing for me to leave. I don't really have a backup, but for the first time in my life, I don't want to just jump into something just because it's prestigious, or just to say I have something, or just to play, pretend or do quote, unquote what is expected of me.

Austyn: 23:55

I really do want to take the time to figure out who that true core is, or what parts of that true core is truly me or is not part of me, or maybe was a part of the old me, what's the part of the new me, and then use that to guide my next step for the next 30 years before I turn 30 and keep going down this path, because I could keep going down this robotic path. But I really need to listen to that inner core that was telling me like you can't keep doing this. It's been four years and you feel completely drained and that this is just not feeling right. So, yeah, I resonate a lot with that. Even though on the outside, people see my identity as like super successful and they love me and they're like you do such good work, I'm like sure, but why do I feel inside I'm just dying and what's preventing me from exploring that is? It's a lot of shame and I feel stuck.

J.R.: 24:46

Okay, I like that a lot and I think I echo that. I'll give you time your question's. Next I'll give my thoughts on it too. I think I echo that completely on my end as well.

J.R.: 24:55

I feel like there is that gap and it is blocked by that core or that circle of shame.

J.R.: 25:00

I think what it comes from is same with me. I feel like I've maybe I'm putting on this performative nature of being this sort of person and of course, I'm not necessarily lying but I know that it's not completely aligned with my inner core self of who I really want to be or who I really am, and I think that shame is the but I need to be this person or people expect of this of me, and if I'm less than that, then I feel that shame. Oh, I'm not actually as good as I projecting out into the world or how people perceive me, and I think that's part of what has been influencing my journey to remove myself from social media, being by myself a little bit more and reflect on who I really am and not being influenced by being around people and what I think they expect of me or what I think they need from me in order for them to like me, and so I definitely echo that. Did you have a question?

Austyn: 25:51

So I feel like both of us have moved around a bit and have or have lived in different places. Where do you consider home, or what does the word home mean to you these days? It's a good question. Yeah, for me home, I think well, physical location, like I was born and raised in Honolulu, so you know. When people say, oh, where's your hometown or where'd you grow up, I'm like well, that's my answer. And then, of course, shorthand, when I say, oh, I'm taking vacation, I'm like going home, that's what I mean. But then when someone asks, like, what does home mean to you, I'm like, well, home is really like you're my chosen home of who I choose to surround myself with, of whoever is most important in my life, like right now.

Austyn: 26:38

I would say right now it's correlated with where I'm physically living, right in SoCal and LA and K-Town with my husband, my cats, my friends, my dance friends and my other SoCal friends. I think that's where I would consider home, but again it's less. For me it's less of a physical location and more of a feeling, a choice of chosen family, of people who I feel connected to that community, and again less physical but more like social or emotional connection with people. Yeah, that's how I define home.

J.R.: 27:10

I like that a lot. I've actually thought about that recently too, because I go home. My home, or my physical home, or my family most all of my immediate family live is Bay Area, southeast Bay, fremont, milpitas and so I go back three, maybe four times a year just to visit my parents and my siblings. And so, yeah, by that first definition, that is where my home is, that's where my family is right, was born and raised, grew up in the Bay Area.

J.R.: 27:33

But to your second point, I agree with that too, because home is also that place where you feel comfortable, not necessarily where you grew up, but also that place where it's oh, this is where my comfort is my spaces, and the first thing that comes to my mind is like my actual house, like where I live. Right, because that feels comfortable to me, that's where my home base and so it's like my emotional home. And recently, actually, my dad, my stepmom, my brother moved to Philippines. So now I have less of a home at home because only my mom and my sister are there now, and now my other parents and my brother moved to Philippines.

J.R.: 28:08

And then I have my other brother, little brother, who's going to school in Hawaii and so it's okay, there's, it's all. Home is still spread out, my hometown is still the same, but I don't necessarily feel comfortable comfortable there because I see my family and being with them feels like home, but being in the bay doesn't necessarily feel like home emotionally, see. So there is that split and I do echo that as well. My question is so same book, three things of happiness, also was a sparking. This, wow, okay, this kind of blew my mind.

J.R.: 28:37

As someone who's been big in personal development for years, I really appreciate this book, even if it is a fire hose of stuff. But so this author says that happiness there's three types of happiness. There's happiness of pleasure, happiness of grace and happiness of excellence. And so pleasure makes sense, things that make you like it's a physiological, maybe emotional thing oh, this feels good. The happiness of grace is like the feeling of forgiveness or something that is given to you. That is appreciation, gratitude, I guess is the happiness that that one is. And then happiness of excellence is the happiness of you've worked hard on something difficult, a challenge, and you've achieved it and you have that sense of happiness.

J.R.: 29:18

And at first I thought that the author was saying, okay, there's a hierarchy, one's better than the other, but actually the author says that all of them are necessary. It's kind of like colors in a spectrum which is like the primary colors. You need all of them and in different amounts and whatever. But you can't just throw away the other two, or one for the other, for a primary one. You do need to build the happiness in all three levels.

J.R.: 29:40

And so for me that was very eyeopening and I guess my thoughts was like. It made me think about okay, I know I am choosing the happiness, or pursuing the happiness of excellence, things that I'm working on, things I want to achieve always. And happiness of pleasure is straightforward, but I think maybe I can lean into that more Okay, things that just make me happy, like physically, emotionally. And then the happiness of gratitude is something that's always been reaffirmed into me by the things that I consume. It's like if you aren't grateful for something, then how can you expect to have more of something? And also gratitude is what gives you that mindset of happiness. But I guess it gave me that perspective of okay, I there are different aspects of it and I should focus on and be aware of all those three and work to keep filling those three buckets up. I guess Any thoughts on that.

Austyn: 30:26

Yeah, no, that's super interesting. My initial thought was I feel like I tend to gravitate towards the first bucket of the, more like immediate. Well, my interpretation is more like immediate self, like not indulgent, but I'm a Taurus, so I'm like more of the hedonistic, like pleasures in life. So, again, like the food, the coffee, the boba. So I know that I tend to gravitate towards that of oh, if I feel like it, I'll do it, or if I feel like buying it, I'll do it, or if I feel like eating it or going out to eat, I'll do that. And I definitely agree that I think you need to nurture all three of those buckets that you just mentioned.

Austyn: 31:24

But when you're talking about like grace, I think it people have said to me, especially in the work setting, that I don't give myself enough grace and then maybe, by extension, I don't give other people enough grace because I'm just so hard on myself and therefore hard on other people, and maybe if I don't forgive myself, I don't holding a grudge against other people, or even myself, when I don't even need to, and maybe they don't even notice and care about the situation that I'm like ruminating over. So I think that's something that I need to work on. And then, sorry, what was the last bucket? Excellence, excellence. I think another thing that people have consistently given me feedback on, too is just like minimizing accomplishments. Giving me feedback on, too, is just like minimizing accomplishments. Saying things like, oh, like you need to like take time to relish or acknowledge your accomplishments, celebrate, yeah, um, and I don't know if that's just coming from a place of, like, self-deprecation or just not wanting to be boastful or be perceived. So yet another thing that I need to do, so that I don't need to constantly feel like you need to keep hustling and like I'm not good enough. But, yeah, I don't really know where that comes from, so I need to do a little bit more digging.

Austyn: 32:21

All right, did you have a question? Yeah, let's see. I'm gonna jump around a little bit dance related what part of your identity interpret that how you will? What part of your identity shows up the most when you dance? So I have two things to mention. I think one thing that's really interesting is when I show people not in my dance world, my dance videos. They're like whoa, you're so different on stage versus off stage. So most of people in like school or like work settings and I'm like I guess I can see that, or more. I'm like, oh, that makes sense, because maybe outside of dance I'm like more timid and quiet or like super just academic and like teacher's pet and very like jargony, but then on stage I'm just like very so I think, wait.

J.R.: 33:12

So what is for the audience?

Austyn: 33:13

I know, but just very extra and like my handle, ostentatious, so very showy and flashy and very extra. You can't tone it down unless you really just go extra and you're like, okay, let me tone it down and let me adjust. And if you can't, as an artist or performer, if you can't look back at like old performances and say, oh, like, actually now I would tone it down or I do that differently, then you're not growing as an artist, you. You gotta adjust, but anyway, so it's just very extra, very out there, very in my definitions very hoey, very showy, very extra. I don't really know how else to explain it. So when I think my identity, I think again, very, always 200%, always extra, always giving it my all. Now there should be a balance, right, because you need peaks and valleys to keep things interesting, so that I need to work on. But yeah, I think when I look at my performances it's always like aiming for perfection, always giving 200%. That's my brand.

J.R.: 34:13

I like that, that insight and also the question. I think for me the first thing that came to mind was it like identity in my dance.

J.R.: 34:22

For sure, my background is freestyle popping and it's in a competitive environment, meaning like battles and jams, and so with also my personality type, the first thing I think of is very competitive and very like strong and powerful. I think when I approach dance, especially freestyle popping, I think of I'm trying to win, not necessarily it's not like I'm trying to beat someone, but it's I'm trying to be the best version, like I'm going at it aggressively, I'm going at it with the mentality of the champion in first place or something like that, and so I think that would be how I'd categorize my style of my most authentic dance. But to your other point, which was what do you? How you were trying to maybe explore different avenues.

J.R.: 35:04

I know that I also feel really good when I'm more on the opposite end, which is more relaxed, groovy, flowy, and so part of the popping style is like waves and that sort of softer motion and taking your time, and that's the aspect I know that I need to grow on, because if you're too powerful and focused you're going to be a little bit too much, I guess, intense. But I can lean more into the softer, taking my time and not letting the music overpower me, but me like going with the flow and also groovy and funky is also what I love dancing to, and I think that how that makes me feel is very different from how it makes me feel powerful in the other focus. The initial focus and so that's one thing that I do want to also lean into is the fun side of dance, not necessarily the competitive side, which I enjoy too, but the groovy, funky, feely sort of thing, and I guess that's if that answers the question like that's how I feel about my identity in dance.

Austyn: 36:03

That's super interesting because when you describe both of those like sides of you, I definitely see it in the JR. Doing a show and tell at Sunday practice is like that, like competitive side, and it's an interesting nuance where, yeah, I never interpret it like you're trying to beat somebody else. You're just like going 100% to like you were saying like beat who you were yesterday. More of that kind of thing, exactly, yeah. And then the like more groovy freestyle you like in a club setting, yeah.

J.R.: 36:28

Yes, one of my favorite places to dance is like a club setting, a wedding setting, because I know I feel amazing because it's there's obviously no competition and it's more relaxed. And I think more often than not it's a weird, because I know most people there are not dancers, but they're there to dance and then I also want to dance, but I do have a level of skill that gives me confidence that it always feels like such a good environment, and especially in the club where it's like the lights are off so people may or may not be able to see me, but that sort of freedom, it's a good feeling that I keep telling myself I want to be in more. It's just circumstances. Okay, clubbing is logistically harder when you're out late, you have to drive there and then you come back and then your next morning is ruined. But I think that's it's more of a sign to me that I need to put myself in those spaces a little bit more and to feel that side of it too. But I also want to get back into competitive dance too, like in a freestyle aspect.

J.R.: 37:20

Okay, my next question is so I recently got sorry, did you have?

Austyn: 37:24

any thoughts?

J.R.: 37:24

No no no, yeah, my next thing is I recently got my birth certificate, which I haven't had because my mom one of us lost it and so I reordered it and it was a side quest for me because side tangents like I'm trying to pursue getting a Philippine citizenship because my mom is a Philippine citizen and apparently it's like straightforward but anyway. So I knew the first step was to get my birth certificate, so I got that. But the thing that I've always wondered about was like your astrological signs, your horoscopes, like your sun sign rising and your moon, and I never knew that because I never knew when I was born. So I got my birth certificate I was like, okay, great, I know when I'm born, okay, I already knew where and I knew the date, and so I found out what my whole profile is. So my question is do you know yours and what are the each like characteristics?

J.R.: 38:08

If you do know mine, I realize I know I've I'm a sun aries, I've already known that, but my moon is leo and my rising is gemini and I thought it was very interesting because, well, chad GPT was a little bit more accurate than when I did calculations on like several different like of those horoscope websites. But basically my understanding is, like Gemini's or sorry, rising is how you're perceived externally or your outer personalities when someone first meets you, and it is very that, from what they told me very curious, very playful, lighthearted, adaptable sort of thing. And Leo is also a fire sign, just like Aries Gemini's air.

J.R.: 38:47

So I guess, and also my weird tangent, a lot of the people that I already knew that I get along with well are fire and air signs, and this is more of a confirmation I was like OK that's cool.

J.R.: 38:55

A lot of my close friends are within those signs. But anyways, and a Leo moon, I guess if you combine it with the rising Gemini and the sun Aries, is like very at its core very passionate, very competitive, very high standards, but also that intellectually curious but also deeply emotionally invested and some other things I'm forgetting. But I thought it was very interesting and I thought it was very accurate, which was also funny because in the reading the whole profile was like you're also into, like tarot and like love readings and all that stuff, I was like damn it, they got me, so yeah, anyways no, that's interesting.

Austyn: 39:29

Yeah, I mean, I just find all that stuff super interesting. I have looked up my chart before. So I believe, yes, I'm Taurus sun and then Gemini moon and I think also Gemini rising. So then when I'm looking at my entire chart and all the traits that it all describes, I feel like, similarly, it all pretty much aligns with my personality. And, of course, maybe there's confirmation bias or maybe it's written in a way that's so relatable, but I'm like, oh, wow, okay, this is like very affirming. So, yes, I align with a lot of the Taurus traits and then with the Gemini thing.

Austyn: 40:11

Like I probably said multiple times throughout this conversation, I feel like there's multiple sides of me that are all true. It just depends maybe on the context or the context that I'm in or who I decide to show that side to. There's like that professional work context and there's that more creative, social side of me and like the dance context and they're both me. There's just different sides of me and maybe where I feel conflicted is I kind of want all of that to show at the same time and not have that kind of divide. And maybe it does and I just don't notice. But yeah, it was, it's pretty interesting and I feel like it definitely describes me like I'm like 99% yeah yeah, I thought it was.

J.R.: 40:56

Oh, witty is also part of the Gemini rising.

J.R.: 40:58

Apparently it was like witty, humorous, light, playful, that of thing, and that's how you're externally and intellectually curious as well. Now, I was thinking about the same thing too, because the landmines of like astrology and horoscope is like when you get to those generic, your daily horoscope thing, it's yeah, you really like structure, but you also like it when it's spontaneous. I'm like bro, you just listed all the things, so now you're reading it. And so when I was going through the profile and I was like all right, let me also look at some other ones to see if it's oh, these all apply to me, but I was happy to see that, okay, it seems very specific. So maybe it is this combination of those three things does create this profile. Take it with a grain of salt, but it was. It's always cool when you see something that kind of confirms what I think you've already believed in. I've written out these things like, okay, these people, it seems like I'm getting like my closest friends, I get along with them well, and then to see that afterwards okay, that checks out.

Austyn: 41:46

Okay, did you have a question?

Austyn: 41:48

Oh yeah, let's see, I think we both enjoy mentoring younger folks, especially in our dance context, but it's definitely a two-way relationship. So I was curious what's something young people taught you lately, and maybe it's even something that you wish you had known at their age. So I think sometimes I try not to be very patronizing and like I know it all, or one that they even want me to mentor them, because a lot of times they are our friends or teammates too, so I have to like keep myself in check. So I think a lot of the times I have to realize that, oh, they already know this quote-unquote lesson that I'm trying to teach them, or they actually have a lot more life experience in one domain than I even have. So I need to check myself on those kinds of things.

Austyn: 42:44

But when trying to think about what things that they have shown me, I think again, it's that thing of just they're probably carrying a lot more baggage than I know and they don't have to share with me or tell me.

Austyn: 42:56

But it just makes me appreciate them more because of how much time and effort they put into the team and their schoolwork and their relationships and obviously their relationship with me, even though there's so much going on behind the scenes and of course I want to support them and, again, they don't have to share what they don't want to share.

Austyn: 43:14

But I'm like, oh, mad props, mad respect for you to like be going through all of that and be so mature, and I shouldn't assume that you're not mature and that you don't have anything heavy going on. So again, I just need to check myself and not think that just being super young is all fun and games when they're actually going through a lot in life Stuff that I've never gone through. So yeah, I think in general, we all have just different life experiences and we can all learn from each other and I don't have to play that mentor role 100% of the time, all the time. Yeah, they can teach us a lot too. So I've been trying to like balance that aspect a lot and not trying to be a helicopter parent all the time.

J.R.: 43:57

Yeah, I definitely resonate with that Everything you said a lot. I don't think I have something that comes to mind specifically of what they've taught me, but I think one thing that being with our younger friends has reminded me of is what it was like back then and putting myself in their shoes so I can understand them more, so that I could potentially play that role of helping or guiding or even just listening. But and I'm grateful to be in that position but I think it's brought me back to my early 20s or late teens, just fresh out of high school or even in college, that stuff that I forgot about because it's been so long which is the feeling of I don't know how to say this but having emotions, being happy, being in love, like these sort of younger emotions. Right, when you get older and you have more experience and you have this wider frame or this lens or experience to pull from and you're I want to say we're a little bit more grounded than we were before, right. But now when I'm listening to them and I'm like, okay, let me put myself in their shoes so I can understand better not understand from my perspective and I'm like, oh, I used to be like that as well.

J.R.: 45:05

I used to be so strung up on love or this person liking me or having all these emotions that I don't know what to do with, making all these decisions that I don't know the answers to, because I don't have the experience or life lessons or frame of mind to make those decisions. And then it brought me back to yeah, I was definitely a mess, I made a lot of mistakes, and it reminds me to not be harsh Not that I try to be or I'm very hyper aware of not being judgmental and just trying to listen but it does pull me back to okay, how were you like when you were at that age, when you're dealing with those problems? And it also reminded me how much more I felt back then. And I don't want to make it sound like it's a sad thing, but I think when I compare myself to like my 20 year old self and my currently 34 year old self, I'm like, yeah, you had a lot more emotions back then, or maybe a lot of different emotions, but there are younger emotions, there are more fresh emotions being a young adult.

J.R.: 46:00

And I don't want to say I miss it, but there's a part of nostalgia of man. I wonder what it would be like to go back to feel those things again, and maybe I'm like living vicariously through their stories and when they like want to open up to me and stuff like that. But I think that's to answer the question. That's what it's really given me. Is that experience of being that age again?

Austyn: 46:20

Yeah, no, I definitely resonate with that too. Just let me not be quick to judge, because even back then in, at that age, like the emotions were more intense. Like, especially if you're feeling them for the first time and there's lots of social pressures, and also if you're dorming all together like all your peers, you can't really escape them. You're all living together. Plus, social media has only gotten more pervasive in our lives too, so I'm sure that is an extra layer of pressure. And, yeah, not only are the feelings more intense, like you latch onto them more, so it's tough. I don't know if I miss those days, but I can empathize.

J.R.: 46:55

Yeah, I think about this thought experiment a lot because I was like man I wish I could go back to my younger self to not only observe, but obviously if I knew what I know now, I would act differently, I would take these things differently. And I had a reunion episode with some of my friends from college and a lot of that was tied back to how we would approach things differently and the frame of mind that we're in now, and a lot of it was be more present, right, really connect with people. Don't take things for granted. Because there's so many things going on in college it's easy to just move on to the next thing and not really be in the moment, and now that we're older it's I really wish I was more in the moment and connected with those people, because some of those people I don't see anymore ever and I wish I do, but circumstances and whatnot. I guess that's what it brings me back to that and I think it's a good sort of thought experiment to go back into.

J.R.: 47:45

Okay, my question is what is one thing you've learned about yourself recently?

J.R.: 47:53

And my answer is that I feel like, at least in this moment, I feel like I've realized that I am a short-term pessimist but a long-term optimist, and it's within the context of when I map out my goals five, 10, 20-year goals, my vision of my life, who I want to be, what the things I want to do and how I approach that compared to the day-to-day so strategic versus tactical, for example, or how I live my daily routine. And I think when I say I'm a short-term pessimist, I think what I mean is I think things can go wrong here and there and I'm defensive because I'm very risk-averse, meaning I try to mitigate risks, to not fall into those traps and to protect what I have, not to the extreme, but that's how I feel. But then in the longterm I'm optimistic that everything will work out Like. I have a lot of faith that all of my wildest dreams and goals will come true and I'll work towards it because I'm consistent, I have a strong level of self-efficacy. I know I have confidence to do the things I need to do.

J.R.: 48:56

But it's just interesting juxtaposition how. But in the short term I'm like ah, there's a lot of things can go wrong, there's a lot of people who can mess up my day, there's a lot of things that I need to mitigate those risks. But I think in the long term things all work out.

Austyn: 49:10

Yeah.

J.R.: 49:10

How about you?

Austyn: 49:11

Interesting, I think, again in the context of the identity, shame and self or true self, especially in the context of work and me trying to decide whether to stay not just at this company or in this role but stay in this like industry or corporate in general. I'm trying to figure out how not to fall into the same quote unquote trap again. Trap meaning like, how do I not feel this way again, Meaning feeling burnt out, feeling overworked. And I think one thing I realized is oh, I have more control over the situation than I thought Because I, like I mentioned, always feel like I have to put 200% into everything, when I don't always have to, and then I need to not just accept that as a trait. I really need to dig into why that is.

Austyn: 50:02

And when I talk about shame and I'm like, oh, maybe it has something to do with that of like, why do I always feel like I have to prove myself to everyone and myself?

Austyn: 50:11

And maybe they're like separate but related things, and maybe I haven't found the answer yet, but I think it might be related to something like that no one is again asking me to do these things, I'm just doing it out of habit and then complaining about it. So it's like I'm only doing it to myself for the most part and then of course, then naturally I'm going to feel not compensated for it and then burnt out and then frustrated and then taking that frustration out on other people or blaming other people for it. It's not 100% on me. The locus of control is mostly on me. So there's things that I can do to prevent that, or systems or flags that I can set up when I get that way to say, okay, maybe not 200% today, maybe 150 or maybe 100, or giving myself the grace of, it's okay to give 70% today because at the end of the day I'm only gonna get paid 100% anyway.

Austyn: 51:03

So, might as well give 200% of the things that actually I do value, like my partner, the team, and again, maybe not every day, but where when it matters, right. So that's something I just need to learn is I can't give 200% all the time, but where is that coming from, why? Let's address that and then figure out now okay, when do I give 200% to things or how do I gauge that? That's just something that I realized, and then maybe I'll be happier, maybe I'll be more optimistic, because I think, in general, I'm just a pessimist 100% of the time, short term and long term Nice, so yeah, so I need to work on that, but yeah.

J.R.: 51:51

I like that. Okay, do you have a last question?

Austyn: 51:52

you want to go. Oh, we wrap up, let me see. All right, I guess and again, this is something I've been asking myself and relates to a lot of what we were talking about how do you define happiness or success, or what are the signs that you look for that tells you like I do feel fulfilled, or how do you measure that? I know that's a lot of questions, but really what I'm just looking for is like how do you personally know that you feel fulfilled? And I know everyone's definition of fulfilled is different, so I'm just curious. And then, to answer that for myself, like I mentioned, I'm starting to rethink all of that.

Austyn: 52:28

Old me, or maybe still part of me, the old definition was like money, title, career, that kind of like definition of success or fulfillment. And while sure, that is nice and could be someone's definition of fulfillment, why, at the end of the day, do I still feel very empty or drained right? And while I'm still working through it, the closest answer I can get to quote unquote fulfillment is like connection to other people, connection to, of course, my partner, my cats, like helping others, helping animals, help social connections. So friends helping friends in need, helping the community, which is why I want to lean more into like social justice and nonprofit work for a little while, or hopefully forever. And yeah, social connection is something that I just keep coming back to.

Austyn: 53:22

But again, I just don't want to jump into something. I want to make sure, like, I really understand what it is about social connection and what I can do with my skills and background to help. So, as long as I'm doing something that directly makes someone else's life better and I see that and I can work face-to-face with somebody, I think that's where I would feel fulfilled at the end of the day. And if that's, if again I can make someone laugh, smile, make their life better, then I would call that a success. Doesn't have to be tied to money, title, fame, whatever. Again, not sure if that's the answer, but that's what I've been thinking about recently. So, yeah, still working towards that answer, but again, I'm trying to redefine that for myself.

J.R.: 54:10

It's actually mind blowing that you bring that up and your reflections on it, because I've been thinking the exact same thing and I've come to similar conclusions. I'm on a pursuit of doing 10,000 steps per day and recently I've been like a hermit, but also hyperproductive. Now I go on to 15K steps per day, so I go to the park and I walk around for two hours straight around the track and so I have these reflections and like, okay, happiness, fulfillment, purpose, etc. And I was thinking about it a lot to also redefine it for myself because I'm also questioning that the book also hits that point in that chapter made me reflect on it a lot, because it was talking about the differences and happiness being related to peace of mind, but also fulfillment and purpose versus passion, and there's a whole spiel on that. But I guess the takeaway that I had was I guess for myself, it is connection as well.

J.R.: 54:58

I was like, okay, I think that's what I'm looking for and as I'm moving into this next phase of this is the last year I'm going to be on the team, especially as leadership, and so it's like my identity is changing and I'm feeling disconnected from that environment and those people and those relationships, and I know that I'm looking forward to the next step. So I'm like well, what is my purpose now? Because I feel like I'm not. I won't find that fulfillment until I find that purpose again, because I had the purpose, but now that it's going away, what is the next thing? And I'm thinking also it might be into some sort of volunteer work, charity work, being more involved in my church, possibly finding new communities, activities and groups.

J.R.: 55:39

Right now I do a lot of things in isolation, just the hyperproductive nature of what I like doing. But I think that's the next step that I want to focus on to find my own happiness and fulfillment. And purpose is to find those communities, find connection, work towards something that I feel like is meaningful, that gives me fulfillment, and I have an idea of what those things are. It's now just timing and then, once I find, once the timing is right, then going for it and then finding those areas. So yeah, I thought that was really weird.

J.R.: 56:07

I'm like wow everything that I've been thinking about, too, is what you just brought up. I think that's it, unless you had any final thoughts on any of those things.

Austyn: 56:16

No, seems like we've been thinking about a lot of the same things. Maybe it's rising Gemini's, but no, just grateful to have these conversations and thanks for having me back. Yeah, no, just grateful to have these conversations and thanks for having me back.

J.R.: 56:27

Yeah, no, thank you for being here. Gratitude, anything else you're grateful for.

Austyn: 56:30

Just to wrap it up, just grateful to be alive, Grateful for my partner in the life we're building together, Grateful for friends. I'm looking forward to the next school year and season with the team. Originally I wasn't planning on coming back, but I'm really looking forward to the next school year School. Originally I wasn't planning on coming back, but I'm really looking forward to the next school year. School year yeah, it is school year yeah. Especially being fun employed. Yeah, it's exciting yeah.

J.R.: 56:53

Low-key, kind of jealous. How about you? Gratitude, gratitude, yeah, same thing. Life, family, friends. It's weird.

J.R.: 57:02

Again, the book made me think about this because it's been changing the way I think, but grateful for being in this. They say the precursor to a breakthrough is a breakdown. I wouldn't say I'm in a mental breakdown, but I would say I'm in that questioning phase of what am I supposed to be doing? Why do I feel this sort of emptiness in these sort of pockets? And I'm grateful for that because I know that on the other side of that is hopefully a breakthrough that will give me some clarity in these other aspects. So I'm grateful for that as well. My health there's a lot of things to be grateful for, and I know that the only difference between my happiness and happiness for me personally is just my perspective on how I see those things, because there's so many things that are good and right in my life that, like, if I just tweak it a little bit, I'm actually really happy. So grateful for that.

J.R.: 57:47

Okay, we will wrap it up. Thank you again so much, austin, for being here. I really appreciate it. Let me do my final sign off for the audience. Thank you, guys for being here. I really appreciate it. Be sure to like, subscribe, follow, give me five stars on whatever platform you're listening to this, to Leave Austin some love in the comments, tell us what you liked about and a reminder that to always be kind to other people, especially yourself, and remember that you can always learn something from someone if you take the time to listen. So thanks for being here.