J.R.: 0:00

Hello everyone and welcome back to another fun episode of 1000 Gurus with me, your host, jr Yonaguruz. Today's episode is a very special random show episode featuring three-time repeat guest Aiden Pham. But what makes this recording so unique is that it's the very first virtual recording we've done on the show. I've been meaning to try this new software as it came highly recommended from other podcasters, but this was my first attempt at recording with no time limits, so I ended up splitting up this recording into two parts, first so that we could have a bathroom break and second just in case something happened with one of the recordings. At least it mitigates the risk of the entire episode being a wash. You never know with new technologies how reliable it can be. But I'm so happy about how this one turned out, even though it's mostly just us yapping for two hours about various topics. Even though it might seem random, it felt like a very productive conversation and hopefully some of our musings will be insightful to you. We cover our upcoming travel plans, we discuss fitness, nutrition and health, dating and relationships, our horoscopes, goal setting, and then we end it with what's been on our minds recently. Super long-form discussions like this were always the ultimate goal of my podcast, so I sincerely hope you guys enjoy this episode. So, without further ado, hope you enjoy this very long-form random show episode with Aiden Pham. Hello everyone and welcome back to 1000 Gurus. Please welcome my guest, aiden Pham. Yay, okay, so that was just my regular intro, but this is obviously a little bit different than what you're used to if you're just watching the video. So this is Aiden's going to be my guinea pig for my first remote video call.

J.R.: 1:36

So we're switching to hybrid format. So that's for a few reasons. One, I've been wanting to try this app before, which is kind of like a. It's called Riverside and it's like a Zoom-esque video call thing, and I've been wanting to do that for a while. But the first several seasons I wanted to obviously be in person, but being remote will allow me to reach more guests further out who can't come to the studio. Yeah, it's first online recording. It's also more cost efficient, of course, because it's a little bit. It's less expensive than going in studio and the most important thing is that we can now talk for forever, because for those of you who haven't been guests, you'll know that or you won't know that the studio is limited by per hour and so I could book a ton of sessions.

J.R.: 2:21

But I kind of like the constraints of it being just a one hour, like a tight one hour, where I have to kind of pace everything and wrap it up and make it all fit into that time frame. So I but I've always wanted to expand. Once I've kind of worked on like the format and the interviews and everything. So now we can open it up to more than an hour, so that'll be super fun.

J.R.: 2:46

And then obviously I wanted to have someone like Aiden on the show, who is a good friend of mine and we have good conversations. So it'll be much easier and worst case scenario, if this episode is totally bad, we could scrap it and he won't take it personally. I won't take it personally. So hopefully everything goes well and you guys are actually listening to this and doesn't get scrapped. So yeah, I don't know. Yeah, so I will have read Aiden's bio already, but you guys already know him if you're a frequent listener to the show. I will just start off with yeah, what have you been up to, aiden? I know we talk once in a while, we'll go hang out or eat or something like that. But what have you been up to recently?

Aeden: 3:23

Wow, hello. So recently I've been dancing a lot more. I joined a competitive dance team called Notorious and so we've been doing a lot of competitions like Pre-League, Las Vegas WOD Summit or World Dance Summit, IDL or International Dance League. So that's been eating up a lot of my time. But other than that, I am slowly releasing some of my side jobs, offloading those to other folks, and then also I joined a book club, so that's been exciting Nice.

J.R.: 4:00

What jobs have you been offloading? I don't know if people have ever talked about this on the podcast, like the different jobs that you've had and what you're trying to offload and, I guess, what you currently do. Do you want to run through that real?

Aeden: 4:10

quick for a nonprofit. I also am a barista at a coffee house. I also assist with nightlife event operations specifically for queer folks, and I also help run the studio that Snowglobe rehearses at. So I'm a shift lead, a rentals coordinator and a captain for the team.

J.R.: 4:41

So what's the time commitment for each of those things? I'm assuming the full time is like a regular eight to five or something like that. But what about everything else?

Aeden: 5:06

earlier. If they need me later, I have to adjust accordingly. For the barista job I used to work those after I would clock out of my day job, so it would be 3 pm to 11 pm, for example, every day. It would be about four to five days a week. Weekends would be different, so Saturday and Sunday I would just work whatever hours they need me sometimes open, sometimes midday, but usually weekdays would be after my full time.

J.R.: 5:31

So you're full time and then you work at the coffee shop four to five days a week. Afterwards, that is correct.

Aeden: 5:38

Damn, that's crazy. Between whatever hours I can get, I would squeeze in for the nonprofit operations job and then the nightlife event job would either be Thursday, friday or Saturday night. But that one is more touch and go, just because the events don't always happen. So if they happen every month or every other month or every other week or something like that, and then it's based on need, so if they are fully staffed they won't reach out to me, but if they do need assistance or support they'll reach out, and then if I'm free, I can also reach out and preemptively ask if they want folks.

J.R.: 6:11

So when do you find time to sleep? If you work all these hours, I feel like the math on that is you have maybe three hours of sleep per day.

Aeden: 6:19

That's actually, that's really astute of you, because that is the average. I am averaging about two to three hours of sleep a night, which is why my goal is to off-board these so I can sleep more.

J.R.: 6:31

Damn, you're crazy dude. I don't think I could ever do that Cool Well. So you're obviously up to a lot of stuff. What's the goal? What's your idea? Because I know you still want to dance, right, and you want to offload some of these other things. So what is the ideal weekly schedule for you?

Aeden: 6:50

I think the ideal weekly schedule is that I have one primary job that can pay for all of my needs and then some, and then I would spend some time dancing, some time singing and the rest of the time working on personal projects or building friendships and relationships and investing in things I enjoy outside of work. Productivity, cool. So I think that's kind of what I want to ask is like, what you've been up to, what about travel plans? Do you have any travel plans coming up For the end of this month? I am planning a trip to New York, so I'll be working regular hours again. Thank goodness, everything else is lining up to nicely give me a break in that window, so I'm very excited to be spending that time away. Other than that, I know we were supposed to have a friend group Japan trip that I think everyone kind of fell through, so yeah, that's supposed to be like end of September, beginning of October.

Aeden: 7:48

Yeah, that doesn't look like it's going to happen because it is already August.

J.R.: 7:53

Yeah, for those of you guys listening to this, this will probably come out in September, early, mid to September. So, yeah, definitely not going to happen. Yeah, they sort of tried. It's one of those. Didn't make it out of the group chat, nope.

J.R.: 8:07

So yeah, absolutely I mean I'm kind of glad it didn't work out, because that's choreo's audition season is the end of September, beginning of October, because that's when school starts again. So I'm like if I did go on that I'd have to just miss the first two weeks of choreo stuff. Two weeks of choreo stuff like prepping for auditions and then auditions and then orientation, so basically I wouldn't even meet people until the first or second practice. So I'm kind of glad and I mean, didn't, it's not working out.

Aeden: 8:31

So yeah, definitely felt that I think my concern is notorious is slated for a huge opportunity next year and we were told to start saving up pto and I was like I don't know if I'm ready to throw that much pto at a not well planned trip, not well thought out trip, and then lose out on a potentially big opportunity elsewhere do you know like what the opportunity entails, like time commitment or something like that?

Aeden: 9:01

I do ish. They haven't been very forthcoming with us, but what it's looking is we need one full day fully blocked off sometime in November and then potentially 10 to 12 consecutive days fully blocked off in February.

J.R.: 9:19

Dang 10 to 12 days. Yeah, what is this? Like a TV show recording or some shit. I'm just throwing ideas out there that make the most sense to me, so I'm not perfect information. I can neither confirm nor deny it's either that, or you're flying out of the country, right, because what else would require consecutive?

Aeden: 9:36

days I will hang out in the country for a tv show there is potentially travel opportunities as well. So these are all things I'm trying to think about and plan for ahead of time.

J.R.: 9:48

Travel opportunities and media opportunities. I see that's exciting, yeah. So I think I told you that I was like, okay, well, if we're not doing a trip in September, october, I'm trying to do a trip in December because I want to do at least one international trip per year. To do a trip in December because I want to do at least one international trip per year. But then also my I think I told you my parents and my brother moved back to the Philippines and so I'm trying to visit them next summer, 2026. I don't know, june, july, something like that, after the school year is done. So, yeah, so I'm trying to. So that'd be good, spacing out like December and then six months later, philippines, yeah. Plus, I do want to travel to Asia in the winter Summer's cool, I guess, and spring and fall, but I want the cold. I don't want like baking hot and just sweating.

Aeden: 10:37

Absolutely yeah.

J.R.: 10:38

That's what I'm looking forward to. Cool, All right, Any anything else before we go into?

Aeden: 10:43

I know we have some planned things to talk about, but anything you want to bring up when you talk about traveling to Asia. It really reminds me that I keep telling myself that I want to plan a three-country trip to Asia so I can swing by at a minimum Japan, thailand and Korea. The idea would be either a loop coming in Japan, thailand and Korea and then back to the us, or coming in to korea and leading through japan how long would that be if it's three countries like? How long would you want to do?

Aeden: 11:13

I would love a month I do that no just do it really take on yellow work just quit yeah, well, if I save up well enough and it lines up where I get a month gap, you know where I'll be, maybe if we go at the same time, but separately.

J.R.: 11:32

You can stop by japan when I'm there, and then you can do the other legs of your trip it is because I'm shooting for. I'm shooting for around like december, like right after school's out, so I know I feel like, at least for me, it's perfect time.

J.R.: 11:46

Huh, end of year is always rough for companies yeah, well, you know, what's cool is that my work. It's like they encourage and our understanding of people's breaks, meaning like in december, even my bosses and the other managers are like the last two weeks of december are dead. So if you want to take off, feel free. So we all get to take. But like the last few years, I don't take it off because I'm like I don't have anywhere to go except for home on the weekends. So I'll probably take more advantage of it this year. Best of luck to us. I was supposed to check my PTO but I still feel like I'm like maxing out again. I was like trying to take off like one Monday every month and I was like, okay, I'm going to bring my PTO down, but I feel like it's catching back up Because I think I get about one per month or something like that for sore problems. That's nice, but then I never really take off days. So, yeah, anything else.

Aeden: 12:42

I think that's it for intros.

J.R.: 12:44

Okay, cool, all right, so let's go into random topics. So we'll do this the same as we did for the first one. I forgot what episode that was 20, 20 something. Yeah, what is? Do you want to start off any topics you want to bring up?

Aeden: 12:58

let's see which one we can start with fitness, yeah, yeah, what about fitness?

J.R.: 13:07

what's your question?

Aeden: 13:09

the reason why I picked fitness is because, being part of a competitive dance team, again, I am constantly getting injured, and so there was a moment fighting what are you doing like? Combat it's that I'm just fighting with gravity fighting with the floor.

Aeden: 13:24

Absolutely yeah. Actually I love our choreography, but it's so hard on the body and I feel I definitely feel my age catching up to me. You are old yeah, I, absolutely old. So I think it's been very important for me to focus on things like fitness and nutrition. I've been working with my trainer a little bit more intentionally around strengthening certain muscles, increasing flexibility so that I don't get injured as often, and also at IDL they had free physical therapy for us and I'm going to invest in a physical therapist now because that was amazing. I came into ideal hobbling and limping and I left that table doing backflips. It's crazy.

J.R.: 14:12

Wow, I can't imagine doing competitive dancing. The last time when I was doing competitive dancing was with Cabo Modern literally 15 years ago, and I remember it was tiring. But I'm like I can't imagine doing that at this age now I'd be dying.

Aeden: 14:28

Yeah, it's hard, so hard on the body.

J.R.: 14:31

So then, what have you been doing?

Aeden: 14:32

then. So one of the things that I learned is about the butt wink. Are you familiar with that term?

J.R.: 14:40

Isn't that relating to like when you squat or something?

Aeden: 14:42

Yeah.

Aeden: 14:43

So when you squat, the idea is you don't want your butt to be coming down, you want to keep it up.

Aeden: 14:48

But for me, when I first heard that, I thought the solution was to hinge at my back, and so that meant I was pinching in my lower back and so when I danced, that pinch would hurt and I told my trainer that.

Aeden: 15:05

And he's like dude, you're not supposed to do that, you're supposed to support with your core. And I was like, oh, that makes a lot more sense. And so we focused a lot more on core exercises so I can more instinctually engage my core versus having to plan around, oh, when and how do I engage? And I think that's helped a lot with my lower back pain. It's helped a lot with strength overall. So, doing different exercises that may not necessarily even include my back or not focus on my core, I still feel the engagement of my core supporting me through those exercises, and it's also helped with dance right for all the same reasons, because of all the way that we move our bodies and the way that we need to be able to hit certain pictures or move through certain textures, that core engagement, I think, is something that I've been missing and it's helped a lot.

J.R.: 15:56

I was listening to this podcast recently and how it was. There was like this fitness guy who was on and he was talking about how they were talking about lower back pain, which is obviously relevant to me on, and he was talking about how they were talking about lower back pain, which is obviously relevant to me, and he was saying how, when you have those sort of pains, and you kind of move through them where sometimes our reaction is to like hold our breath and like brace our core right.

J.R.: 16:17

But then when you do that as a habit and then you're trying to like brace before you get into those positions, it tight, it kind of like locks up your spine so that it doesn't allow for more movement. And so hopefully I'm not getting this wrong. But what he said was when you do those motions, obviously doing it with the correct form but also being able to breathe through those positions, like whatever position you're in, if you have to hold your breath in those positions you don't own the position. But you know that, saying, if you can breathe in a position, you own that position.

J.R.: 16:51

And so I was thinking about that in my last workout. It's like, okay, yeah, you're bracing, you're going into position to do a regular strength training roots like a motion. But I was like, okay, let me focus on breathing through and not tensing everything so that I can not lock up my spine. Obviously, in some instances you need to like, do that technique, to like bracelet. You know people do like squats and they have a belt to increase their internal pressure to keep everything in line, like I think that makes sense, and he was saying, yeah, it's not in that case, but in other motions. You need to be able to breathe through those movements and those motions, and so I was just thought that was interesting.

Aeden: 17:28

Yeah, that's definitely important as well. That's something I'm reminding myself through dance, because we always forget to breathe, and even at IDL, when we were rehearsing for IDL, one of the things that the directors kept insisting on us was I'm gonna play the mix, you guys do the dance. I'm gonna play the mix, you guys do the dance. I'm gonna mute the music on occasion. Keep dancing, but I need to hear you breathing together. I'm like I need to hear everyone breathing, because if you guys aren't breathing, they're not gonna be able to do this, and so it was really funny, because we would be dancing and then he would mute the music and all you hear is like all these breathing noises and he's yeah, good job, guys, you're breathing. Like, oh, you're breathing you're alive, exactly.

Aeden: 18:08

I feel like the isn't the hard part like syncing up your breathing, because everyone has like different breathing cadences and especially like what moves you're doing, unless you guys choreograph the breathing yeah, so definitely the breathing was in some places very popcorn-y, because people breathe as they need to, of course, but then obviously there are also certain points where everyone hits the image together, hits like the angle together, and so that's always a good opportunity for everyone to align their breathing. Yeah, and of course, it's super funny when most people align and one person doesn't. This is who was that who? Who breathed after everyone's like whoo, and one person doesn't. Who was that? Who breathed after Everyone's like who and one person's like what? Yeah, exactly. So it's like what are you doing, man? What's going on over there?

J.R.: 18:51

Anything else you've been doing differently with fitness and nutrition?

Aeden: 18:56

I think it's like the combination of fitness and dance has reminded me to be a lot more aware of my body. So something I've started noticing is when I'm working, I'll tend to raise my shoulders, and anytime I catch myself doing that, I have to remind myself to lower my shoulders again and relax through it, because that's me holding tension in my shoulders and my upper back, which also translates to stiffness in my dancing. So even at the coffee shop, when I was making coffee, making drinks, I was like, oh, I feel like my shoulders are really up and it's like okay, big coffee like this, yeah, I'm like I was like mixing a thing and I was like this and I was like wait, I can just relax and still have my arms at the same height, and I think that that kind of body awareness and the way that I move has really, I think, grounded me in my body. I think it's helped a lot with sometimes feeling like disconnected. Yeah.

J.R.: 19:57

That makes sense, like being more aware. I've been trying to do that more with my posture too, because I have all this back pain. Sometimes I'll have so much tension in my back that if I'm not working out it means I don't usually roll up my back, because I roll up my posterior chain after I work out, so I notice it when I don't roll out during those non-gym days and I have sometimes I'll develop an almost like a pre-headache where, like, I just feel the tension going up my neck and and then I start to feel a little tingling Not tingling, but you know that before you actually have a headache you can kind of feel like a buzzing. I don't know if you've ever experienced that, but for me I'm like oh, it's probably because there's tension there, but if I roll it out and moving around in my posture, it definitely helps out a lot.

J.R.: 20:40

Yeah, but I think it's also because I sit a lot, because I'm always sitting in front of this desk when I work yeah so I think that's another thing, is I just gotta I feel great when I'm walking around, but not when I'm like at home all day?

Aeden: 20:53

yeah, I mean honestly. That's one of the reasons why I love hanging out with you, because not only do we eat good food and have great combos, we always walk afterwards.

J.R.: 21:01

So I always leave feeling both like emotionally, psychologically and physically better yeah, it's like an intellectual, mental stimulation, but also we get to move around and stuff. Yeah, I was gonna say yeah, I've been recently. I've been uh did I mention this? Like the last month and a half I've been like a hermit, like not really hanging out with people, especially since dance is over for the summer, and i've've not been going to anything, signing up for covers or just hanging out except for podcast recordings. So I've been catching up on everything. I've been hyper productive.

J.R.: 21:32

I got through all my backlog of everything to do my book summaries, editing for this podcast and so I've also been diligently walking every day and so I've hit 10,000 steps at the minimum every single day for the last almost two years. But then the last couple of like month, couple of weeks, a month and a half, I've been at like averaging 12, 13, 14,000 steps per day, and some days I'll just go okay, we'll do 20k steps today just to offset that. And so I've been walking a lot more and caught up on my book summaries and stuff. So it's been good. And I've also been dialing in my diet, since I'm not hanging out with people, so now I'm more consistent. So I've actually lost weight, which was my goal right Is to slim down a bit. I was like hovering 145, 147 by the end of the school year in June. Now I'm almost down to 140. I'm like at 141. So I was like nice I, when I dial it in, get sleep and walk a lot like my weight goes down.

Aeden: 22:26

So I was like when yeah, that's my goal 140, 145.

J.R.: 22:32

That's crazy, I mean we weighed the same amount but you're taller than me. That means you'd be like hella slim. I'll take it Even when I had a trainer another trainer six years ago like my lowest weight was like 143. But now I'm like 141. So I'm technically the leanest I've ever been, but I definitely have more muscle and I'm stronger than before. So I'm like it's a good feeling, like I feel like I'm at the healthiest. Minus my back pain, I feel like I'm at the healthiest I'm at. So I just need to slim down a little bit more, lower my body fat, and then I'll be like pretty good, at least my, that's my goal for before the school year starts. So, yeah, what about you? Do you have any goals?

Aeden: 23:16

and or different things that you want to do for health, nutrition, fitness, etc. Yeah, definitely I want to increase flexibility and resilience in my body. I want to get it to a place where, if I injure myself, I understand like how, why, and then I can recover from that more gracefully. I suppose I also want to look better right the aesthetics of working out. So, definitely, slim down, tone up. I think my strength is at a good place where I'm steadily increasing weight every time I work out and I'm like continuing to push in that direction. So I think strength building is good. But those other pieces, I think, are what I'm going to lock down. Definitely, I think portion controlling and watching my diet or what I'm eating, when I'm eating, how much I'm eating those things are important, but they're so hard.

J.R.: 24:07

Yeah, it's the hard, it's the important hard things, right. Yeah, so you know, what's worked for me in the last three-ish months is so I have this meal service, right and okay. So, stepping back, for me what I found most effective is to simplify my food, and so I've meal prepped for years and I know macros and I know how much protein I need to get right. The part that I fall off is I know how much I need to eat and all these sort of things. But whenever I run out of my meal preps right, and like I don't have planned food for the day Basically it's if I have structure, like something that very pre planned, I can stick to my diet. But if I have too many up in the air meals let's say, before I used to have five meals per day and a meal is basically just at least 20 grams of protein and anywhere from two to 500 calories, something like that right, and if I have five meals per day and three of them are planned, then I have two up in the air and those two are the risky ones, because I can be like oh, like boba is like 200 calories or something like, or 300 sometimes, or if I go a meal with friends, that can be easily 800 to 1000 calories, right. But when I don't go out and I don't get like excess sweets and I can dial in those four to five meals, then everything's peachy right. So I was like all right, all this meal prep for me personally is a little bit time consuming. So what I did was let me get one of these meal services that give you around 50 grams of protein so that's like a third of my day's worth of protein and get only two of those. So what I do is one in the morning and one at night, so that's about. So that's about. They're about five-ish 500 calories per meal. They're about 40 to 50 grams of protein. So I basically just have one free meal and that would usually be either a protein shake, so like another 30 grams of protein, or like an overnight oats sort of bundle, which is also like about 400 calories three, 30 grams of protein, or if I go out for something that day. That's about right. So basically I simplified it to only three meals, two of them planned, but I had to make sure my third meal is high protein and if I do that consistently, I usually stick within the for me, for my weight and my goals like 15 to 1700 calories. So if I just do that five to six times a week and then the sixth, the seventh day is kind of like up in the air then I'll slowly lose about one pound every single week on the dot. No, I don't have to think about it at all.

J.R.: 26:29

And another thing I've been doing is I don't like going to sleep hungry. So some people like to not eat after a certain time and some people don't eat breakfast. Some people do eat breakfast, but for me what I found works best is having a high protein breakfast. I can kind of have more leeway during the day with a protein shake or something when I go out. But I always save my last meal for an hour before I sleep because I don't want to feel like carb starved before I sleep and which messes up my sleep. And so I feel like for me saving my last meal an hour, two hours, before I sleep has helped a lot because now I have better sleep, but also like I don't overeat, so I feel so bloated that you can't sleep. You know that sort of extreme like food coma.

J.R.: 27:08

So, my 500 calorie meal does not make me like blah, so that's what's worked for me and if I do that I can easily lose a pound a week, like on the dot. But I don't know if you had any thoughts on that or what's worked for you.

Aeden: 27:24

I mean, I think, the time that a diet worked best for me I was not eating stress, stress, no, not even stress.

Aeden: 27:35

It was like this was when I was training with the SM trainer and take a picture of everything I was eating to send to her so that she can approve it, and then how much of it I could have. And she was so so on top of me that I was going to sleep hungry every night, and the only way I could get through it was by sleeping. So I had to force myself to sleep and I was cranky all the time. If people looked at me funny or took up too much space in the hallway I would instantly be angry at them, but I was losing like five pounds a week.

J.R.: 28:09

Five pounds a week for you guys at home is definitely not healthy or sustainable, and Aiden knows that.

Aeden: 28:15

Absolutely not sustainable because after I left it was like three months of slowly getting back to where I was yeah, your body's like all right.

J.R.: 28:24

we're going to get back to what feels more neutral.

Aeden: 28:28

Yeah, but I will say that was like, aside from the hanger, I think that was the healthiest I've ever felt, just because I felt really like spry.

J.R.: 28:41

So like you felt like slimmer, but your energy was.

Aeden: 28:45

Energy was good, yeah, so the outside of, like I said, the hanger right, like the energy I felt like throughout the day was better. I felt a lot more rejuvenated to be able to do things. I know, coming into it I was heavier and so I was struggling with things like two sets of stairs. I would have a hard time like breathing.

J.R.: 29:05

My endurance was quite low, so you noticed it like weighing less, that it felt better than when you were heavier.

Aeden: 29:11

Absolutely. The contrast was insane. But the thing I did struggle with was missing good food. It's not like I didn't have good food, but because I had so little of it compared to what.

Aeden: 29:22

I normally yeah, it was so restricted that I think I really entered this mindset of craving all the time. It was easy to fight off that craving when I had someone at my back with a knife and a gun, being like don't you dare. But the moment she was gone, there's really nothing holding me to account except for myself. So accountability works then? Yeah, I think so the accountability works then yeah, absolutely.

J.R.: 29:47

I think accountability and fear and fear violence, fear of violence, definitely will do that for you.

Aeden: 29:52

Yeah, for over a consistent period of time yeah, honestly, sometimes I think about seeing if I can hunt her down and get back in it, just because I was like damn.

J.R.: 30:04

I'll pay you to hold a knife to my throat so that basically like that's a physical trainer, right.

J.R.: 30:10

That's what they do. Yeah, just emotionally, but yeah, for people listening, if you're not really familiar with weight loss, a good rule of thumb that I was told by my trainers like a healthier amount to lose per week is like one to two pounds, anything more than that and it's like your body's in starvation mode and then it's like it's gonna bounce back. So I mean google this, do your own research, but that's what I was told my okay, that checks out for me. Because if I go any lower than what I'm doing like my 15 1400 calories, like I feel also hungry and it doesn't really do well for my mood. But also also like I think what people don't know about people with low body fat percentage and if you've ever gone through a weight loss before, you know that it you like you feel hungry all the time and it doesn't feel good. Like people who are in bodybuilding competitions and they're leaning and cutting. What they don't tell you about getting that lean is that you're constantly thinking about food and your body's like super hungry, like it's not sustainable to stay that lean all the time. Like people can prep for bodybuilding competitions and do that temporarily, but why do you think people like crush a box of donuts afterwards and then like they bounce back to whatever like a more sustainable weight.

J.R.: 31:21

I was talking to friends about this. Yeah, you know those people who are like super shredded. I just think about, damn, this person's hungry as fuck, because when I lean down, I'm always thinking about food and I have dreams about food if I don't eat before I sleep. So, just for people who don't know, that's what it's like when you lose weight is that you, your body is yo, where's the food? It's changing. I don't like change, I like homeostasis. Yo, where's the food.

Aeden: 31:44

It's changing. I don't like change, I like homeostasis. Yeah, I definitely very sad throughout that process. I think there was at least one night when I was like I'm so hungry. I'm like laying in bed getting ready to sleep, I was like I'm so hungry, I think I'm gonna cry.

J.R.: 31:56

I feel the way I was rationalizing this is I know that during the day, if I'm doing my diet correctly, I will feel some level of hunger, obviously not super intense like what you were doing, but it's kind of okay. When do I want to feel hungry? For me personally, I don't mind feeling hungry during the day and I can drink like coffee or something to stave off the hunger a little bit. But I definitely don't want to feel hungry when I go to sleep and that's why I'm like Alright, let me just save my high protein and some carbs for nighttime so that I can sleep better. Because if my sleep's messed up, then it's like what's the point? Because sleep is the most important thing. Yeah.

Aeden: 32:32

Definitely about that.

J.R.: 32:33

Okay, well, I think that's if I don't know if you have any other thoughts on fitness and nutrition. We have a few other things we can talk about too. What's that? Our unlimited time random show? What do you want to do?

Aeden: 32:44

Anime movies, stand-up comedy, dating relationships or horoscopes, or astrology, let's do dating and relationship, just because I feel like this ties a little bit.

J.R.: 32:54

Okay, okay, I'll go first. I'm in a relationship. Okay, your turn.

Aeden: 32:59

I'm good, I hate you, I'm very single, and what else do you want?

J.R.: 33:03

me to say you, I'm very single, and I mean, what else do you want me to say? I mean, we've been together for almost like me and bless you've been together for almost six years now.

Aeden: 33:09

Wow, six years, that's like a whole first grader yeah, yeah, pretty much.

J.R.: 33:15

Actually. It's technically my longest relationship, starting actually in july, yet this past month it's now officially my longest relationship, wow congratulations, exciting.

Aeden: 33:27

I've been trying to put myself out there a little bit more, especially since I'm like offboarding some work and freeing up some time. So you're trying to onboard a person yeah, one responsibility for another, but I will say I had this interesting date where we met up at a food court like one, one of those outdoor food courts, almost like a steel craft, and it was a nice place.

Aeden: 33:53

It wasn't steel craft, but it was so awkward and I was like damn, I really hate dating in situations like this, because why was it awkward? Well, one I was on time and he was quite late, so I was like sitting there and I was like am I being stood up? And then when we got there, I was like I can't handle this, yeah right, oh sorry guy.

Aeden: 34:19

when he did finally show up, I was let's walk around and see what's up. And he's like, oh, I know what I want. And I was like, okay, did you want to go together? Then he was like no, it's fine, I know what I'm getting. You go get what you want. And I was like, so we're doing okay, friend this is so sorry sorry.

J.R.: 34:40

Can I ask where you met this guy and what was like the expectations going in, if you had any, or if you guys talked about it?

Aeden: 34:47

we met on a dating app. We said we would go out to grab a bite, meet each other all that jazz and get to know each other. So I think expectations are pretty set Like straightforward. Yeah, it's nothing too crazy, it's just some dating app.

J.R.: 35:02

Yeah.

Aeden: 35:04

Yeah, I don't know, it was just so weird. And then when we finally got our food separately and then we sat down across the table from each other, he would make these strange comments that would always throw me off. He would be asking him questions about himself and he would barely respond like one word responses, because he was texting the entire time. So in my head I had already dismissed the hangout and I was like, okay, you know what he's clearly not into this?

Aeden: 35:32

yeah, I'm not into it, so I'm gonna finish up the dinner be and then excuse myself to go home. And then he would make comments where he would say things like do you do skincare? Because you should do more, or you should do better. Your skin is like not good. And I was like oh. And then he would compare it to himself and say, see, I work really hard for my skincare and you can tell, everyone can tell because it's that good. And I was like damn All right, because it's that good. And I was like damn all right. Well, way to call me ugly. And then he was like do you work out? Because you should? And I was like this is. And so I was just like all right, clearly he is not into me.

Aeden: 36:13

But then, after we finished eating and we were just sitting there because he wasn't responding to my questions, I was letting him lead the conversation he started asking me why I wasn't sitting closer and I was like what? Why that's so weird? And he was like yeah, you should sit over here next to me. And I was like sure, I guess. And so when I moved over to sit next to him, he reached across to hold my hand and I was like why? You? And I was like why, like you spent this entire time kind of bagging on me and now you're trying to be super touchy. It was weird, I didn't like it oh man.

J.R.: 36:49

Wait, what were the vibes before you guys met?

Aeden: 36:50

up. It was pretty quick. We had just talked a little bit and then he was like, let's meet up. And I was like, okay, sure, so I don't think there was a lot to go off of.

J.R.: 36:59

Okay, you weren't.

Aeden: 37:00

You didn't really get any of those vibes beforehand yeah, and so I was like this is a very strange place for this to have evolved to what did you?

J.R.: 37:08

what drew you to him initially? Was it just it looked good?

Aeden: 37:12

yeah, honestly, the pics were good. I was like the pics were a little face tuned in my opinion what's face?

Aeden: 37:19

tuned. Face tune is an app that does filters, but specific for your face, gotcha. So like you can shape and contour your jawline, for example, or like you can perfect yeah, we don't need real life references. Yeah. So I was just like I don't know, there's like consistency across the photos and different angles at different places in different times. So I was like I know these aren't fake photos or you haven't like face tuned it to smithereens, but it's a little sussy just because of how polished it looks. And so I was like okay, whatever. But yeah, that's where it ended up and I was like never again yeah, are you still?

Aeden: 37:55

in contact with this person or no sort of. He's been a little snippy about me not messaging him more and I was like I don't know, I've been busy with the dance competitions so I haven't seen anyone.

J.R.: 38:10

Good for you for being busy, because I don't think you'd want to be available for a guy like that.

Aeden: 38:15

Yeah. So that was rough. But I did have two other dates that went, I think went pretty decent. One was like we were walking through brunson nobles looking at books and like talking about books, and I was like like he's a good conversationalist but he did say he like left a pretty significant relationship recently. So he wasn't looking for anything too serious right away and I was like that's fine. But he has been quite like touchy in public, like we'll be walking and then he'll reach across to hold my hand and I was like oh, that's kind of cute.

Aeden: 38:45

But I'm also intrigued as to like where you think this is going. Are we just friends who are touchy or are we pursuing something more? So that's that one has been interesting. We're still in touch and we're still set to hang out again. And then there was another one that I started talking to as well. Similarly, we met up at a coffee shop. We had coffee, we walked around while talking and that also went well. I think my only concern that I'm like running into with him is that capacity feels quite low. I don't know what does that mean? My thing is because I do so much all the time.

Aeden: 39:29

What I'm with other people and I like introduce one thing and they're like that's too much for me. It always baffles me and I was like I don't know if we can.

J.R.: 39:38

What does that mean? That's to you introduce something and it's too much for them.

Aeden: 39:42

Yeah. So like, for example, what's an example? For the example, if I say, oh, hey, let's go like to a movie and they're like, oh, I don't know, like my social battery's out, I don't want to be in public, and I was like, okay, well, like it's in the dark and it's just a movie theater. So it's not like we're interacting with people, but of course I want to respect people's boundaries. So I say, okay, that's fine, we don't have to do that thing, then we'll find something else. But at the same time, I'm also like, if there's like a consistent struggle to find capacity to do things, or find capacity to like have conversations, I think that's like an early flag for me. So capacity meaning social battery, it could be social battery. Sometimes it's other things. What's an example of a non-social battery thing?

J.R.: 40:30

because it's to me. It's kind of crazy to say that you have a low social battery, so you don't want to go to a movie with one person, right? Isn't social battery like, oh, I'm going to a party and I have to talk to a bunch of random people? I don't know?

Aeden: 40:42

yeah, so that's why I think things like this are always a little bit of a flag to me, because, I don't know, I feel like we're still early days and to have things like just throw you out of like for a loop so easily is not necessarily concerning, but something I'm keeping an eye out for yeah we're slated to hang out that evening and then, oh, I'm so sorry, I have to cancel because I don't know.

Aeden: 41:08

Like my mom and I had a talk and now I feel bad and I was like, okay, well, my mom and I have a talk and I feel bad all the time. So feeling bad is a constant for me. Yeah, let's come on, buck up, let's go. We have plans. So what would be?

J.R.: 41:19

Yeah, let's come on, buck up, let's go. We have plans. What would be an alternative to, let's say, the movie example? Right, what is lower capacity than a movie with one?

Aeden: 41:28

person, it's me. The last time that particular example happened, we just canceled.

J.R.: 41:40

I feel like it's I guess that's an interesting way to put it to saying my capacity is low when I think really is. Well, I guess how I'd phrase it is that they just don't want to go out, but specifically with you, of course, because I'm sure they could go to a movie by themselves and be fine, or maybe do some other thing and be fine in public. But I can see how going out with someone who's like an acquaintance or someone you're just dating or something like that, can be like the thing that's too much of a hassle, right, like you need to more of a social battery, if that makes sense. If it's, for example, you hang out with a close friend, it doesn't take too much energy. But if you hang out with an acquaintance or someone you don't really know, of course it's going to take a lot of energy. So I don't even think it's the activity. I think it's the activity. I think it's just the fact that hanging out with you probably they don't feel up to it for whatever reason, right?

Aeden: 42:22

I don't know, I think for me it's like I have a lot going on and I have a lot of things planned, and so when I set aside time to be somewhere with someone doing something, I do my best to commit to it, because otherwise I could have been doing literally anything else with anyone else, anywhere else, of course.

J.R.: 42:41

Yeah, I'm the same way. I like to follow through with plans and commitments and stuff like that. So I mean, I'm on board with you. I don't like people who are flaky and cancel. Like I have some friends like that where I'm like there's a 50% chance this person is going to flake because I know and they're friends, we're friends, we're not dating or like acquaintances, like I know this person but I know they have a 50% hit ratio of showing up on time, which is kind of wild to me.

Aeden: 43:05

Yeah, yeah, I don't like.

J.R.: 43:06

I don't like hanging out with those people. It's like you, just your feelings are just so. Yeah, and so like I never want to schedule a thing with them, like you schedule with me, and then maybe, if you want to do this and then if you cancel, I'll be like this was your idea.

Aeden: 43:23

By the way, I'm not forcing you to be anywhere. Yeah, oh man, yeah. But all that to say dating is rough. It's so rough out here and I think whenever I bring that up, people always ask about what's your ideal? What are you looking for?

J.R.: 43:34

you gotta put yourself out there, and I don't know how much more out there I could be, like yeah, I'm never home yeah, you're accommodating, you make yourself available, you show up and then, but it's just like why do I get these top shelf picks over here?

Aeden: 43:49

yeah, tough the streets. The streets are rough on me, nice, but I think that's why, like whenever, whenever we talk about relationships, I'm always like what do you do? And I think the tough thing is when we do talk about relationships and you talk about, like, your strategy for maintaining a positive relationship, things like that, I'm like, damn, I'm not even at the point where I can practice that. I still need to find someone, thanks a lot?

J.R.: 44:16

Yeah, definitely, because I've had a lot of long-term relationships and or a handful of long ones. So where I'm getting my reps in is like that committed, long-term relationship. Obviously, I haven't been in the dating market in a while, but it's, yeah, more exciting and there's more possibilities and I've dated around here and there, but it's obviously more energy, more stressful or, yeah, you just get hit or miss and then it's, oh my God, one good person. I think I need to lock this down because all the other ones were like misses. But I think a lot of that is probably luck. As much as you can have a good strategy, even if you do well with the people you're dating, if you don't get lucky with a good person, then there's no point in any strategies or mindsets or whatever.

Aeden: 45:02

Yeah, there was that other guy that I told you about where he had expressed interest in me, but it took us like two years to communicate that to each other and then he eventually was dating someone. By the time we like said it to each other. But he and that person broke up and so I was like, okay, well, it's been some time since you've too broken up, would you be interested in dating? And by the second date he was just like I think I'm no longer interested, and I was like, god damn it. Dang. Well, it was good while it lasted. We are in a book club now nice.

J.R.: 45:34

Well, there's something. At least more friends, right, yeah, for sure definitely more friends, right yeah? For sure, definitely more friends, anything else on dating relationships.

Aeden: 45:44

I think it's so interesting because I talked to my therapist about it as well and because I don't have an actual partner to practice this through. I'll talk to her through my ideation of how I would go about things and she's like I feel like you would be a great partner and I was like you want to tell people, be my guest girl, go out, tell the world.

J.R.: 46:03

I think you're just built for the mid game, not the early game, if that makes sense.

Aeden: 46:08

Yeah, it does, but that's what pisses me off, because I know so many guys are good at the early game and not the mid game, not me, I, not me, I'm way better.

J.R.: 46:17

So I have a friend who was just like you as a boyfriend Amazing, right, comfort building. We talk about this like the stages of attraction, right, like attraction, comfort building, intimacy building. He was a hundred percent comfort, so good as a boyfriend, always be there for you, communicate, all this other stuff. But he could not get past that initial dating phase and having the girl be like into him and attracted to him long term. And then I gave him a little bit of coaching and then eventually worked out and I'm not trying to take all the credit for anything like he put in the work right, but I think what helped is the mindset shift, is that he was always trying to jump into, like how can I make her comfortable? How can I be reliable? But I told him I was like, being comforting and reliable is not how you get someone attracted to you and we both know this.

J.R.: 47:04

The attraction phase is all about mystery, anxiety, emotional rollercoaster. How do you get someone to fall in love with you? You make them think about you all the time, but if you're always showing your cards, they're never going to think about you. They're like oh, I know this person likes me, right, and they're never going to think about you. They're like, oh, I know, this person likes me, right, and they're just going to shut their brain off to you. But if they don't know how you feel and it feels kind of manipulative. But it's more of an approach. Instead of lying to someone, right, it's more of like you're busy, you have a lot of friends, you want to do all this stuff and you're present and connected and playful and lighthearted and flirty with them, but not always showing your cards and being like hey, I'm gonna be honest with you, I want to marry you. If you hear that, wouldn't anyone get the ick and be like, okay, this guy's too needy, I know exactly how he feels, I'm not going to think about him and I don't need to try.

J.R.: 47:49

As opposed to those flirty guys or flirty people who everyone's always interested in them because they don't know how this person feels, because, like, they're so playful and flirty and they always make me feel good but then sometimes I don't hear from them or they're aloof or whatever and I'm hot and cold sort of thing. That person's always going to get more dates and be more attractive than the comforting already trying to be your boyfriend kind of guy. Yeah, my friend changed it and now he was more flirty and playful and relaxed and not trying to be a boyfriend, and then his dates were more successful and then now he's a girlfriend. But, yeah, it's it.

J.R.: 48:21

Sometimes it is like a mental hurdle you need to overcome to get to that point because it's a different mode you have to be in when you're dating as opposed to when you are in a relationship and you're building that relationship for the long term. Yeah, which sucks because it's like you have to be good at the game, but it's not always like your authentic self. But I see it as a skill set, not necessarily you're being fake yeah dang oh, yeah, definitely.

Aeden: 48:43

It's definitely something I think about too. Anytime I'm like interested in folks, I was like, okay, how do I tease this out? A little bit like just flirty and playful it's so hard because sometimes I was like I just want to tell you everything I know same.

J.R.: 48:57

Yeah, I think that's the hardest part is like you can't just. It's like poker you can't just show your hand all the time. Yeah, be fun, be playful and stuff like that, and be your best self. But also number one rule that I always tell my friends who I'm giving this advice to, like coaching, is don't be needy. Be self sufficient, grounded, because anything that shows like neediness oh, I need you to be here, I need this, whatever If you're too much like that, it will give any person the ick. Maybe some people are into that and they're also needy, so they want someone who's also or sorry, they have this, I want to be needed, and so it makes them feel it's like an ego thing. But for most people, if you are self-sufficient, confident, grounded and not needy, you have a thousand percent better chance at making them like you, as opposed to someone who's constantly needy and constantly available.

Aeden: 49:46

I think I talked to you about this before, but there was a guy who was doing that hot cold, hot cold with me and I was like, damn, I'm thinking about him all the time, but it pisses me off. I was like I'm so angry I'm angry all the time because of how like unpredictable this is. And for a moment I was like do I like feel attraction to this hot cold? Because it's I don't know what's going on. So now I'm like thinking about it more and I want to figure it out. And then it just kept going. And then I finally crossed the threshold into you know what? I'm not even attracted anymore. This is just annoying, yeah I'm just like tired.

J.R.: 50:22

Yeah, I'm annoyed.

Aeden: 50:23

I was like I am so over this.

J.R.: 50:25

I think like maybe on his end, maybe he does that all the time, maybe it works or maybe it's that's just his mode now. But I feel like for serious people who actually want to date, there's a certain point in time where you have to be like now you switch from the attraction, like clearly at certain point there's plenty of attraction. Now you need to flip and be like all right, let's date and let's commit, and let's be like let's show our cards now, once we both know that we're attracted to each other. But obviously this guy wasn't serious, right like he's, just like being like that so I want to go into horoscopes, because we were talking about this too.

J.R.: 50:59

So one of our topics- yeah let's do it so. I think I mentioned this on a previous episode, but I recently got my birth certificate and I didn't know what time I was born, so I didn't get my full like astrological profile and so finally I have it.

J.R.: 51:13

So I know what my sun, moon and rising are, and you know yours right yeah okay, do you know, like, the characteristics of each, because I have mine pulled up, because I was like I spent three hours a couple weeks ago just going down a deep dive I found out that chad gbt was a lot more. It was more accurate than the three different websites I was using to calculate. So I was like, okay, chad gbt like more of 100. These other websites it was like 75, 85, but yes, I think this one is more right. But do you know what yours are?

Aeden: 51:39

yeah, I do, and I only have a general understanding of what it means, but apparently that's enough to get me by. So wait, what are your big three?

J.R.: 51:48

you, want me to go first? Yeah, okay, so I already know I was. My sun sign is aries. For people who don't know again, I'm just regurgitating sun is kind of like your core personality, I guess. Every suns are bold, independent, assertive and often natural leaders. I'm like, okay, again, I'm just regurgitating Sun is kind of like your core personality, I guess. Aries suns are bold, independent, assertive and often natural leaders. I'm like, okay, I knew all these sort of traits from Aries.

J.R.: 52:07

My moon sign is Leo, and so apparently it gives you a flair for drama, strong emotional need for recognition, warmth and self-expression. You probably have a big heart and enjoy feeling seen and appreciated. I mean, yes, but also is that a little too generic, because don't we all appreciate being seen and appreciated? But I do resonate with that, so I don't know how applicable that is. And then my ascending, or rising, is Gemini, and apparently that gives me a curious, quick thinking and communicative outward personality. You may come across as witty, friendly, adaptable and mentally agile. I think that checks out a lot for me. Pm word agile yeah, exactly, this trio gives you a dynamic, expressive and quick-witted energy. You're likely someone with strong opinions, charm and a natural talent for leadership and communication.

J.R.: 53:00

Yeah, I mean, I went through the whole chart where it tells you like, oh, 10th house, third house, all this other stuff. I'm like, actually, this checks out. So I was kind of pleasantly surprised. I don't know if it's real or not. I haven't checked out everyone else's profiles. It's like how in horoscopes it's always tricky because you want to avoid those websites that are like yeah, you love independence and freedom, but you also like structure. I'm like those are the two options. Oh, yeah, you're very rigid in your opinions, but you're also very flexible. I'm like, girl, that's both things. You can't just say that. So I'm always very hypercritical, like how applicable could this be to anyone? And are you saying both things? So I was like all right, it doesn't look like they're saying both things. And, as I'm going through, like the people you're compatible with, for me it's other fire and air signs which checks out, because I was going through my list of friends Okay, this checks out. I always vibe with these people Career paths Like all right, I'm happy with this.

Aeden: 53:52

Yeah, I'll give you mine and then you can tell me what it means. I'll let your chat shoot me tea. So my sun sign is Capricorn, because I'm January 12. My moon is Aries.

J.R.: 54:03

And what's it? What's Capricorn Like? Do you know the traits or did you want me to look it up?

Aeden: 54:08

You can look it up and then let me know if I'm absolutely wrong. But generally speaking, what people have told me is that Capricorns are very rigid, so as an earth sign they tend to be very stick in the mud. But particularly with capricorns is that not only are they rigid, they're like emotionally stunted. It's like capricorns have a really hard time engaging with emotion, but they love structure and order and because of that that's why they like distance themselves from wrong on shit switch body chaos and sometimes unpredictability.

Aeden: 54:39

I don't know if this is like the chicken or the egg, but because I tend to be very structured and organized, like I love spreadsheets, I love excel people have told me that is one of the most capricorn things about me, really. Yeah, that's interesting. When I cook eggs, I cook them over hard and people have asked me why. And I told them that I don't like over easy because when you break the yolk and it leaks out, you lose out on yolk, unless you're licking the plate. But even then it's always like you're still missing some yolk and I feel like that's a loss. And someone was like damn, what a Capricorn way to eat an egg. Interesting.

J.R.: 55:18

I don't know, I didn't. What a Capricorn way to eat an egg. Interesting, I don't know, I didn't know. Those are Capricorn things.

Aeden: 55:22

So you said sun Capricorn moon is what Aries, and my rising is also Aries.

J.R.: 55:29

Do you know how those two things affect your personality or how it manifests?

Aeden: 55:34

Generally speaking, what I have been told is that both my moon and my rising being Aries gives people the perception that I am like a fun outgoing person up until when they work with me. And then they see the Capricorn and they're like nevermind, he's not fun and it's a pain in the ass. It also explains some of my spontaneity or how direct I am. So when people say that you're very willing to burn bridges, and I was like no, I just like to be direct with people and sometimes, if that hurts them, I'm like I'm sorry, but I don't know how else to put this deal with it, and they're like, yeah, that's the aries and he's speaking. And I was like, oh, I guess so. And so the way that I have come to describe it is I come in with that scorched earth energy. So the Aries and the Capricorn together means we're going to burn down this town, but as we do this, we're going to do it in clear rows to make sure we get every building.

J.R.: 56:33

So Sun is like core personality, moon is like your internal emotion sort of thing, and then Rising is how you appear on the outside to people, like when they first meet you. Rising is usually one of the more like apparent traits or something like that. From what I've, this is I'm just regurgitating right. So for your combination sun capricorn, moon aries rising aries they intense, action-oriented, with a powerful presence. Let's see how it combines.

J.R.: 57:01

Sun Capricorn ambitious, strategic, responsible, hardworking values, achievement, takes life seriously, wants to build something lasting, self-disciplined, practical, often emotionally reserved. May appear cool and cautious, but determined, core motivation, success, stability and mastery. Wants to be respected and leave a legacy. Okay, so I mean I like I align. I align with that too. I'm trying to see if I align with this as a non-capricorn, maybe just because we're both like aries in our other ones, because I vibe well with other fire types. Okay. Moon aries your emotional world emotionally you're impulsive and quick to react, independent and hates feeling controlled. Gets fired up fast, cools down fast, craves excitement and stimulation in an emotional life. Can be emotionally brave, but also impatient. Emotional needs freedom, challenge, action. Needs to feel alive, not border tied down. Sorry, how do you feel about that?

Aeden: 57:52

so far, I think that's pretty true like I've talked to a lot of like different workplaces and also a lot of different relationships to say that I'm here because I'm intrigued or I'm interested and the moment I'm bored I'm gone. I cannot tell you how many managers I've talked to say that, hey, I know I do my job well and I know you love me where I am, but also, please give me something that'll keep me engaged, otherwise I'm quitting. Interesting, okay.

J.R.: 58:15

I like that because I also don't exactly align with that, so for me that's a good thing. Wait so the Capricorn, what I read out. Do you feel like you align with that too?

Aeden: 58:24

Yeah, definitely. I do feel like I'm very achievement and goal driven. I always want to make sure that whatever I'm working on laps beyond me, but also that it's attributed to me. So I want people to recognize like, oh, we did not have this before he came in. He built this and now it works super well because he built it. Do I need to be, like, praised for it?

Aeden: 58:47

Not necessarily, but I do want the acknowledgement of my expertise or my mastery and I think that's also like why I have such a growth minded approach to a lot of things, because I want to make sure that I am mastering whatever I want to do.

J.R.: 59:03

Okay, rising Aries, assertive, bold, competitive. Comes across as confident, maybe a bit intense. Leads with action. Doesn't hesitate to initiate, blunt and direct in first impressions high energy, spontaneous, charismatic, fiery trailblazer. You walk into a room and you're on a mission. How do you feel about that?

Aeden: 59:20

Absolutely. I do not walk into a room unless I have a reason to be there, and so I feel like that makes a lot of sense. People have definitely told me that I'm intense. I think that's also true with the whole relationship aspect that we were talking about before. Something that I've been told is that I tend to scare people away with how strong I come on and I was like I don't, what do you want me to do? Lie to you and say I'm not interested, I like it. That all seems pretty apt to me, yeah that checks out.

J.R.: 59:45

Okay, here's your combined personality profile. You're a strategic warrior, a person who plans like a Capricorn but acts like an Aries. That checks out. There's a fascinating blend of self-control and explosive energy. Strengths, strengths, leader by nature, ambitious and driven, independent thinker, blunt but grounded yeah, that's aiden. Challenges impatience versus caution. Your airy sides want to act now, but your capricorn sun urges. Planning and control can cause friction. Emotional impulsiveness you make snap, emotional decisions or outbursts that you later regret. Control issues you want independence and control, so it's hard for you to surrender or be vulnerable. You align with this. So far, you've been so funny. Yeah, I think that's really funny. I had the same when I was reading this, like, oh shoot, this is why this is so accurate for me.

Aeden: 1:00:32

It's funny to me when it was just like oh yeah, you want both.

Aeden: 1:00:35

And I think the most apt way to describe it is when I watch devil wears prada. One of the questions that people often ask each other, in my circles at least, is like who would you want to be right, do you want to be emily, do you want to be andy or do you want to be miranda? And I was like I want to be both miranda and andy, like I want to be the big boss who makes all the decisions, who just sees the vision and just gets shit done. But I also want to be the big boss who makes all the decisions, who just sees the vision and just gets shit done. But I also want to be the person that that person can turn to and just do the things that are asked for, maybe impossible tasks, but it's not a problem for me and that's what I want to be known for and that makes sense. I think that's like the duality of the space that I exist in, as I want to be both CEO but also executive assistant to the CEO.

J.R.: 1:01:22

Yeah, or the CEO, or something.

Aeden: 1:01:24

Yeah, exactly, in reality I think I'm actually Emily. Which one's Emily? Emily is the one that hires Andy and then gets replaced by her.

J.R.: 1:01:32

She does a good job, but she's constantly frantic and frazzled about it, and because of that Miranda kind of does not look on her as positively, and so okay so you say you lean more towards the ceo or the coo type, because one is the boss visionary, makes like the final decisions, and one is the execution organization, sort of. I know those are your conflicting personality types, but yeah, what do you feel like you would lean more towards?

Aeden: 1:01:58

To be honest, probably COO.

J.R.: 1:02:03

The more operations organized part.

Aeden: 1:02:06

I think because, as I'm working at the dance studio now, something that I'm realizing is I'm gaining responsibility in different aspects, right, so I've become a captain on the team, I've become a shift lead at studio, but I also manage our rentals now, and because of this, I have hands in different buckets and like pots that most people don't get to touch and I work with the owner directly to get things moving. And so, because of that, I like to be in operations to be able to push things in certain directions. But at the same time, I like the distance from responsibility of what happens to the studio. Okay, that makes sense. Yeah, so, like sometimes people will tell me this oh well, that's not really your problem, but you fixed it, so yay. And then at the same time they'll say if you tried and it didn't work and something happens, just know, at the end of the day that's not your problem. And I was like nice, I like that.

J.R.: 1:03:01

Nice. Oh, there's one more thing in relationships. So in relationships, you need someone who respects your independence, but also someone emotionally grounded to balance your fire. You likely show love through acts of leadership, protection and loyalty, but may need to work on emotional patience and you crave mutual respect and dislike clinginess or weakness. How do you feel about that?

Aeden: 1:03:23

Man. I think that's really funny, especially the impatience part, because I think something I ran into with my last relationship was my partner and I will talk about things and we'll go through pretty lengthy discussion about what do you think, what do I I think, how are we going about this, what we would like to do, moving forward. And then they'll go quiet for the next couple hours and I was like, okay, come on, let's get a move on the processing, like we're done, we've moved on, let's like. And so I definitely feel the emotional impatience piece and I definitely appreciate the independence piece, because I have voiced before that whoever I'm dating needs to have their own life, because if I am the end-all, be-all, that would drive me insane. I'm not going to be available 24-7. I need you to also have something else so that when we do meet up and we do come to each other, it's like a nice respite from everything else we're doing, versus you sitting at home waiting for me.

J.R.: 1:04:17

I think that would drive me insane else we're doing, versus you sitting at home waiting for me. I think that would drive me insane. I feel the same way. I think some people might like that the ego thing of oh yeah, my partners, I'm the most important person. But I feel like, in my opinion, if you want a good partnership, a healthy partnership, and you want to have good mental health for both of you, you both need to have a purpose. That's not each other. Yeah, your partner should be the most important person to you, but you and they shouldn't be each other's end, all be all, because you could never actually do that, if that makes sense, like you're on a team with similar missions and purposes or whatever, but you're not each other's purpose.

Aeden: 1:04:53

Exactly, yeah, and to be honest, I don't even think that I would want my partner to view me as the most important person in their life either. I think there's like a healthy balance and understanding that relationships ebb and flow, and I would prefer that in certain instances I'll be the one that matters and then in certain other instances I will be the one that doesn't, and I'm very happy with that.

J.R.: 1:05:18

Like. In what instances do you mean by like?

Aeden: 1:05:21

you don't matter, I think for example, I would want my partner to have best friends outside of me, and if they are going to hang out with a best friend and I was like, well, I'm at home and I'm free today, we should hang out. I would absolutely want them to go out instead with their friend, because those are plans that you've made. That person is also your best friend. There's no reason that you should prioritize me over them, and I think I would feel awkward if they're like oh wait, you're free, let me cancel all my friends and hang out with you.

J.R.: 1:05:49

I would never want okay, I see what you're saying because I think I agree too. In that scenario it's someone is choosing to put someone else below you because they feel like there's a conflict and they need to choose you, when in fact, I mean, I think we align on this. But you should have your partner, your family, your friends and these different circles and your alone time, right, and it shouldn't be let me cancel my friend's plans and hang out with you. I think a good partnership should be like yeah, we have our friends time and we have our us time and we nurture everything, but we don't put ourselves in situations where we need to choose one or the other, because that's not how our life should be structured, right, and also I think it would.

Aeden: 1:06:31

I think a situation where it would make more sense to have that distinction is if your partner and, let's say, a friend of yours are arguing or there's some sort of you have to choose, but I feel like your life shouldn't be set up where you have to choose between two important people exactly yeah, and to be honest, I feel like if my partner was ever in a position where it's like they have to choose me or their friend, I would want to step back and remove myself from that equation, just because I did set up that situation and that's not what I would want to do, like I don't want to make my partner choose and if they feel like they have to choose, I'm going to step back and reassess. Or even if I don't know, if they have a secret and they tell someone else but not me, I'm like that's totally fine, I get it right. Some secrets are meant for others. You don't have to tell me everything.

J.R.: 1:07:16

Would it?

Aeden: 1:07:16

be nice Sure others. You don't have to tell me everything, would it be nice, sure? I would love to know. I also love Goss. I would love it if you told me the secret things that are happening. But I also recognize that if you have secrets with other people, that's the nature of your relationship to them and I do not feel the need to insert myself into that, to be a part of that.

J.R.: 1:07:33

I think that's definitely a healthier way to look at relationships and boundaries. And, of course, maybe some people want a relationship where you guys are 100% tight at the hip. You're one brain. Sure I'll have more power to you if it works out. It works out Not my approach and not what I would recommend to people, but you know, so we're at like about a little bit over an hour.

J.R.: 1:07:53

Are you good for a break? Yeah, let's do it. Okay, let me pause this recording and then we'll start it up again. All right, we are back from our break. So we just finished random topics, or at least we went through a lot of them, Unless you had anything else you wanted to cover. The other things I wanted to go over is goal setting.

Aeden: 1:08:28

Yeah, definitely we can do that. I wanted to go into first just a quick overview of how your life has changed in the last one year and the last five years, like a TLDR of like how you're thinking about it's changed, and then we'll look forward and go through both of our goals for the next however many years. Okay, how's my life changed in the past one year? I will say the biggest change is probably my day job. Being able to be a project manager at a well-paying tech company is insane. It's really shifted the way that I move about the world, like how. So Honestly, I think one thing is like having that kind of revenue shifts how I engage with a lot of things, like how I plan travel, how I hang out with friends, how I contribute to like nonprofits or charities, or even the dance studio that I'm at.

Aeden: 1:09:03

I think it also puts pressure on me to plan better. So historically I just kind of live paycheck to paycheck. I just money come in, money go out. But now that I have more disposable income, it's putting a pressure on me to figure out how I'm going about using it. I think that's pushing me to have better financial tracking as well as spending habits. Am I fully realized yet? No, I still just throw money at random things, and then I forget, has your spending caught up to now?

J.R.: 1:09:29

your new income?

Aeden: 1:09:30

I'm gonna say yes and no. I think I am paying things off better and so it feels like my spending is catching up to my income, but I also remind myself that it's not all going to just expenditures. It's also balancing it with like me paying bills better and paying more of my credit card off and things like that, or like more off education debt.

J.R.: 1:09:54

So you've been paying off more debt, so you are making progress.

Aeden: 1:09:57

Yeah, so I'm making progress, but it doesn't feel like it because my bank account is always like where's the money?

J.R.: 1:10:04

So maybe you do need to tighten up a little bit more yeah absolutely Definitely. When do you think you're going to pull the trigger on that, or are you going to keep kicking the can down the road? I'm asking as a friend, giving you accountability, okay let's do this.

Aeden: 1:10:17

It is August. I will give myself until the end of the year to have a solidified, consistent financial system set up.

J.R.: 1:10:25

What does a solidified, consistent financial system mean?

Aeden: 1:10:28

To me, I think that means that I have clear visibility into the income that's coming in, because, as of right now, because I have so many different streams of income that are direct deposits, sometimes I forget that money is coming in and I don't realize until I'm like paying bills. That was like, oh shoot, this is like more money than I thought I had. This is not what I was expecting to see. So I think I want to have more visibility and more control around that. So that's one.

Aeden: 1:10:55

Another thing is having a more precise. So I want to make sure that I need to count how much I plan to pay into the different things that I want to pay off. So, for example, how much am I putting towards my credit card? How much am I putting towards my education debt? That's my car, and then I want that to be established a little bit more consistently in my mind. And for that to be more consistent in my mind, I have to be able to see it. So, setting up a system that will help track money that's coming in, money that's going out where it's going out to, and then adjusting that from there.

J.R.: 1:11:26

So you just need to finally get a financial software then, because it seems like visualizing it in a project management sort of thing. Right, you just need to visualize the stuff coming in and out in the budget.

Aeden: 1:11:37

Yeah, so part of that is definitely that. And then I want to be able to leverage that for future planning, because I think in the past when I've done financial tracking, it's just tracking, so it'll give me an assessment of what I've spent and where I'm at, but it won't help me project into the future. And I do know I have difficulty working with financial apps because I've tried out a couple of different ones, some with that functionality and some without, and I always get a little stuck when it comes to planning. So something I want to do as part of this financial goal is put more time into researching how these platforms or these softwares can help plan and how I can become better adept at it so I can leverage that feature to my benefit.

J.R.: 1:12:18

What is planning exactly?

Aeden: 1:12:20

What do you mean by?

J.R.: 1:12:20

financial planning.

Aeden: 1:12:21

So, for example, like budgeting would be one thing, right, so on a weekly or monthly basis, to understand, like this is how much money I've set aside for, let's say, eating out. So if I already know that I have a birthday party coming up, I have a family outing, I have a reunion with an old friend, whatever, I'm already planning to budget around that, I think that is a win relative to where I'm at now.

J.R.: 1:12:45

So then, as long as your financial software has a budgeting function, then you should be good, right, yes and no.

Aeden: 1:12:51

So that's why I was saying like, historically, I've had a finance software that has that feature and I'll try to use it, but I don't ever fully understand how to go about it with consideration to where I'm at now. So, for example, I think you need a budget was one that I was trying out, and it allows for me to say this is where all my like financial status is at, like how much I have in each account, how much I owe, and then these are my paychecks. So I need to attribute my paychecks to the different buckets. And I was like wait, I don't understand that, because how am I doing this If I'm talking about a paycheck that I received, like last week, and part of it already went to pay off something, and so I was like, okay, let's mark that, but then it was deducting in that from the total that I was putting in or something like I don't know. That's why I was just like I don't fully understand, and I think it's mostly not because of the software, but because of my own investment in the software.

J.R.: 1:13:44

So, in selection Because of your own investment in software. What?

Aeden: 1:13:46

do you mean Like my own understanding of the software I think I needed more time and like understanding how the software works, like the logic behind it, so that I can better use it to my benefit?

J.R.: 1:13:57

Interesting, Huh, maybe once you get something I would like to look in to see what you're doing. Maybe I can help out, because that would be sick.

J.R.: 1:14:08

Yeah, because I'm trying to understand how that manifests to me and obviously maybe my finance is how mine set up is a lot different. But how I've done in the past is like a good software will show you what you're pretty much getting every month, right, like it looks like on average, you can see your income is X amount per month, right. And then, if you're consistent with your spending, you can see that, okay, I tend to spend about this much per month and then I have this much difference. It also shows you what your well, credit card debts or bill payments aside should be able to tell you in that total like income versus expenses, right. And then from there you can see it seems like you're averaging every month this much percentage in the pie chart of like food and this much into entertainment, this much into travel or whatever.

J.R.: 1:14:54

And then from there you can be like, ok, it seems like I'm spending, let's say, $500 a month on food, then you can budget it. Ok, let me tighten that up a bit. Or OK, you can be like okay, it seems like I'm spending, let's say, $500 a month on food, then you can budget it Okay, let me tighten that up a bit. Or okay, I can open it up and spend more on food. I imagine that's how I would use it. I'm not understanding how it would be more complicated than just like knowing what the average is each month. But you're saying future planning and how to differentiate between what's going in and what's coming out your planning and how to differentiate between what's going in and what's coming out.

Aeden: 1:15:21

Yeah, I think the way that I had approached you need a budget was that I wasn't going about it in averages, I was tracking actuals through it, and so I think it was like I was at that weird, a weird place between like money came in and then money went out, and so I was trying to use the planning portion of it for the part of the month that we had already passed. You're planning for the past. I think that's the best way to describe how I went about this. In the wrong way. It was saying my income would be consistent, but that was also the other thing. My income's not consistent, and so it fluctuates based on, for example, how many hours I put in at the cafe or how many hours I log at the nonprofit, which varies on a week to week basis, and so when the program was saying that, oh, you get this amount a month, therefore you have that much to spend, and I would try to allocate it to the different buckets.

J.R.: 1:16:11

I see. So you're trying to calculate based on what it's telling you is coming in.

Aeden: 1:16:14

Yeah. And then I was like also trying to fight it because I was like I also know that's not the correct number, Because this month, like last month, I received a different number than this month and I was like trying to make adjustments for that. And I think at one point I was like I need to sit down and go through this a little bit in more detail and then my trial expired so I was like, never mind, I just won't.

J.R.: 1:16:42

Interesting.

J.R.: 1:16:43

Okay, I feel like I have a better idea now, but yeah, I think you are doing it in the reverse.

J.R.: 1:16:45

Because I would recommend and maybe this is hard to conceptualize for us or even for people listening I would separate it first and just look at your expenses per month and then categorize all of those. At least when you have two to three months worth of expenses, you can see what you're averaging for entertainment, food, travel, whatever right. And then from there, regardless of how much you're making, you can see okay, I'm spending, let's say, $2,000 a month and I think I can shrink these things and budget it so that I'm a little bit tighter, to get it down to $1,500 a month. Let's say right. And then I think that's how you would approach it, because then now you have more of a difference. But now that, even if you have a high paying, consistent, like nine to five sort of job, what I would recommend is budgeting based on just that income and everything else is just extra money that you can throw into savings or debt and not worry about that extra fluctuating income and just basing your current expenses and lifestyle off of your full time work.

Aeden: 1:17:40

That makes a lot of sense, so maybe I'll do that.

J.R.: 1:17:45

Yeah, and then not trying to budget last month based on things that you aren't sure you're actually getting, because I feel like that's complicated as opposed to just being like this is what I actually spend and here's how I budget. I tighten things up, right, yeah, and not worrying about like the money, because now you should ideally have a surplus of income so you don't have to worry about paycheck to paycheck, but now you can actually go in and like. All right, I know I have a surplus, but now let's try to figure out this expense thing, because I think that's the hole in the bucket you might come across, right?

Aeden: 1:18:12

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Okay, so we're sidetracked, but, yeah, go ahead. Yeah, yeah. So I will say my financial situation has improved in the past year, looking to improve it even more. Other things is I'm back into dance and I'm committing a lot into dance again, so I feel like my physical health is moving in a better direction as well. I have built like new relationships, like, for example, through joining the dance team in the dance studio that I think are valuable relationships I am committing to, so that has also improved. And as I have transitioned into this higher paying job, I feel like I've been given a lot of new challenges as well that really have pushed me to develop my pm experience in different ways than when my last job did.

Aeden: 1:18:56

I think my last job was very like whatever you think is good, good dude, sure we'll do it.

Aeden: 1:19:00

I guess We'll try.

Aeden: 1:19:01

We don't care Whatever, but this one, they're very directed and say no, as a PM, we need you to do this, we need you to step in in these ways and we need you to back up in these ways, and I was like, wow, that's like really directed and because of that, yeah, I think that's my past year change and then for the last five years I think a lot has changed.

Aeden: 1:19:25

Definitely, health has improved a lot, because I think five years ago, in pandemic era, was when I was at the worst health condition. I was not exercising, I was not going out, I was staying only in my room, only playing games. So I think that was like the most sleep I've ever had in my life. But other than that, everything else was very unregulated. I had no job, I had no motivation to do things outside of just my regular routine of wake up, eat, play games, eat, go back to bed. So I feel like it's been a huge shift from that. Also, I have a lot of cool type new relationships that I think are feeding me in different ways and pushing me to develop more as both like an individual but also a member of a community Huge jump from five years?

J.R.: 1:20:14

Yeah, definitely. Well, I guess we can expect that from a five-year change.

Aeden: 1:20:18

Especially coming from a global pandemic shutdown.

J.R.: 1:20:22

Yeah, a year ago Well, it was summer still yeah, I guess I was dancing. I mean, right now we're on break, so it's the same thing. We were just finishing up Strawberry Era. So, yeah, I mean it was exciting. I was like second or second year on leadership finished. I think that's the biggest thing, honestly. And then I was preparing for this podcast, like launching it in the summer and then kind of recording in August and then releasing it in October. So it's been a year and that's been exciting. This episode number 50 under my belt, so it's been fun to have this project come to fruition and manifest. Yeah, so excited.

J.R.: 1:21:02

I think it was always like let me show, let me see if I can do this for one season, 10 episodes. And then at the end of that I was like, wow, I could do this for 10 years. Like it was a green light. So I'm excited for that. Yeah, I've been working out consistently. Everything else has been pretty consistent.

J.R.: 1:21:17

Last five years, yeah, pandemic I think. Yeah, blessley and I were just like starting our social media type stuff, but didn't really take off until 2021. So I think at this time five years ago we were just starting YouTube and Instagram and TikTok and stuff like that. Yeah, it definitely was not as healthy either, but like we're all stuck. I was trying to work out and meal prep and everything, but it definitely didn't work. I think staying indoors is not healthy for anyone. And then I realized, and yeah, my health metrics weren't even that good, like when I got my blood work back. I'm like, why is everything so bad? I was trying to walk more, but now, yeah, fast forward five years. It's a lot better. So yeah, hey, we love growth. I know I On an upward trajectory is always a good sign, right? Yeah, how about goals for the next 5, 10, 20 years? We can also sum it up too, or like TLDR but do you have any big aspirational goals for the next those few years intervals? Yes, I have a ton.

Aeden: 1:22:10

Yeah, I mean definitely, aside from the health ones that we've talked about, the finance ones that we've talked about, the relationship one we've talked about yeah, I think one of the goals that I have for myself is to continually challenge myself for growth and to keep an open mind.

Aeden: 1:22:29

I've read a number of researches that talk about how, as we age, our mind becomes more rigid, we become more settled in our ways, and so I would like to challenge myself to try to promote as much elasticity in my thinking as possible.

Aeden: 1:22:41

Part of that is like having some sort of engagement with younger folks, right, and being open-minded to different perspectives and opinions or even trends. To be honest, I think different trends have been a challenge for me, because as I get older, I'll see it and say, damn, these are like really dumb trends, like I don't relate, like I don't get it, it doesn't make sense to me, but I have to remind myself that that thinking is what leads to rigidity, and so constantly trying to be accountable to myself and remind myself of what is my goal, what is the purpose of doing this? And to me it's so that I can continue to be a part of a community and be able to help shape like conversations based on the community needs, right? The last thing I would want is to get to a place where I say, well, these young Ripper Schnappers don't know what's up like, they should just listen to me and then be completely disconnected to the immediate needs of the community at that given time.

J.R.: 1:23:38

Yeah, that's kind of why, as you get older, the more conservative you get, like politically, socially. It's like why is it all mostly old people who are the conservatives who have those sort of perspectives, and liberals tend to be younger? It's a physiological thing where our brains get more settled into how we think and we've seen. The plus side is we see patterns where pattern recognition we can connect the dots better. But the downside of that is that we're less flexible and open minded to certain things. And so as you get older, just exactly like you're saying, we have to make more of an effort to stay open minded, because it's so easy to get older and then start to be like a Republican, for example, but regardless of political parties.

J.R.: 1:24:18

Right, it's the rigidity in the mindset of I know better, I've been around the block. Yeah, sure, you're not wrong. But also the most expensive thing you can own is a closed mind and if you're always just kind of in that you're not really growing, you're stunting your growth. If you're green, you're growing, if you're red, you're rotting, or something like that.

Aeden: 1:25:00

Yeah, and so I totally agree with that. Years at least, if not more, really challenges me to look at different projects with different perspectives, so that I can provide new value rather than rebuilding the wheel with each project that I come across. Yeah, and I think, because of like the diversity of the projects that I work on and like the different people that I engage with, I really hope this also is an opportunity for me to continue to find ways to better understand people, and so that's a skill set that I'd like to develop over the next few years is to be able to assess where folks are coming from when they work with me or when they just engage with me, because the skill set will expand beyond work Is to now be able to receive the input of an individual and then respond in a catered way for that specific person. I think other things is I have been working with the dance studio a lot on reshaping a number of their internal procedures and processes, so I would say, by the five-year mark, I would love everything to be polished and super shiny, with in-depth documentation, so that everything can just operate without me touching anything, and I think that would be a solid place for me to be able to take a step back and just view the studio as a studio and know that things are going to go well because we work together to build them to go well.

Aeden: 1:26:18

I'd also like to move out with my family right now and I think it'd be nice to be able to get to a place where I feel like I can financially spread my legs a little bit, set up my own space that's set aside for myself. What's the projection for that timeline man? I mean, when I moved home in 2020 because of the pandemic, I told myself two years is like max. I was like, at the two year mark, I'm out, no matter what.

Aeden: 1:26:46

Five years later, I'm still here, so I think this goal setting is adaptable, but I think there also needs to be an intention for it. I think as I strengthen my finance and this goal will likely solidify more, because a lot of the rationale around current like the current rationale around not doing so is I want to get a better hold of my finances before doing so.

J.R.: 1:27:08

Okay, so order of operations you want to. Whenever the finance thing becomes important, then you might have the capacity to move out.

Aeden: 1:27:15

Yes Makes sense, and I think, like my 20, oh man, it's so weird to think about things past two years. How old are we? I think my long-term goal is, by the end of, let's say, the 20 years is I want to be able to open a community space that does local vendors, community events, being able to allow folks to just exist and connect with each other. I know I've talked to you about this before. It's having a space for folks to play board games together or Dungeons and Dragons if that's their vibe, but it's also like almost like a cafe space where if folks want to work remote, like they can work their remote, and then there will be a stage so that, like at night, if we want to do an open mic or have some sort of performances, can still post those through the space. And I think that's my long-term goal. This would be a goal to have that space and create that space and allow the community to really come together nice.

Aeden: 1:28:16

So you think that's possible and you said 20 honestly, it's so hard for me to look like, yeah, that's one year that 20 years seems like forever. But I also want to be cautious and not overcommit myself to what could potentially be tight timeline.

J.R.: 1:28:31

So you think 20 years is a tight timeline.

Aeden: 1:28:34

I think 20 years might be too much, but at the same time I feel like it might be not enough.

J.R.: 1:28:38

Okay so you're a horoscope now. It's too much, but also not enough, Exactly exactly, no man.

Aeden: 1:28:50

I it's too much, but also not enough. Exactly, Exactly, no man. I think I talked to my therapist about this. But growing up with this sense of dying young, I don't really have a well-adapted tool for long-term planning or even short-term planning, right. So planning, yeah, planning in general like a horoscope, right, short-term and long-term.

J.R.: 1:29:02

Yeah, I can see why the money part is a tough thing to get used to, or to improve.

Aeden: 1:29:07

Yeah, because even at I think it was 18 I was like yeah, no, this is the year I'm dying. And then I didn't.

Aeden: 1:29:14

And then I was like oh well, maybe now what do I do, yeah, exactly, and I was like, maybe I'll die at 21, and then I didn't. And I was like, okay, so maybe 25, and then I didn't. And I was like, okay, maybe 30, and I didn't. And I was like god, I just keep waiting for the shoe to drop, and it hasn't dropped. And so now I'm kind of at a point in life where I was like I just need to plan as if it's not gonna drop, but I don't know how, because for the past 30 years, yeah, I've been waiting for it to drop, though you've been planning for not having to plan for so long.

J.R.: 1:29:47

Exactly now you're like okay, maybe I should start planning to plan.

Aeden: 1:29:50

Yes, exactly that and I don't know how to go about it okay, so maybe this topic is your achilles, heel it definitely is. It's both my heels nice.

J.R.: 1:30:01

Well, I guess I'm. That's where we differ is because all I do is long-term planning. I'm like a long-term sort of guy.

Aeden: 1:30:07

I always think long-term you're the goal, man, you're the goal what are your part-time?

J.R.: 1:30:12

plays so, yeah, I don't have them. I don't have them necessarily in the year increments I don't personally believe in okay, here's the timeline and I hit these milestones at these dates. I'm not chasing a date, but I am'm chasing like, like visualizing certain outcomes. So I wrote a list. Well, socially, I want to host more things. So, again, these aren't, these are just general goals. Right, I know if I'm marching towards them, whatever the years are. If it takes 510 or 20 years, it's fine Hosting things.

J.R.: 1:30:38

I think once I have my own place, it'd be nice to host like movie nights, game nights, dinners, karaoke. Nice to host like movie nights, game nights, dinners, karaoke, wine nights, stuff like that, get togethers, bible studies If I have my own, like Bible study, small group Fitness wise yeah, I want to. I know that long term, I want to get into yoga and or Tai Chi as like internal health, not martial art, but an internal sort of thing, because I know that people who live to 100, they do those things. So I'm like, okay, there's obviously something there. We all know that those are good for your health, endurance sports. So I know, as we get older, people ask you to run marathons. We talked about this in my recording with my Cobb Modern class. But I know that I would enjoy endurance sports. I just haven't had that, like the timing hasn't been right. But I know once I stop dancing I'm going to be like an endurance athlete or like even just running, maybe not like swimming and biking, but I definitely want to get into endurance sports. I feel like my mind and body is built for more endurance rather than just like power and speed. More charity, work, consistently, like. Maybe I'll get more involved in my church I think that would be nice. Maybe like working with the unhoused, or like kids or something. Art this is more interesting, because I've been thinking about this more recently. Kids or something this is more interesting because I've been thinking about this more recently. Now I for sure know I want to get into producing film.

J.R.: 1:31:47

I don't know if it's long or short, but we've talked about this before where my vision or aspiration is to do Adam Sandler-esque sort of comedy with a lot of heart, dumb humor, whatever. My humor is maybe straightforward, acting, nothing crazy, nothing award-winning, it just like lighthearted and fun. Underneath the surface of that is a really deep message that like really gets to the core of humanity and those things that really touch you like family or love or dreams or aspirations. So it's coded in stupid humor and like a bad acting but on the inside is wow. Actually, why does this movie make me feel a certain way? That's that would be so much fun. So maybe I start small and then work my way up with the bigger films.

J.R.: 1:32:30

That in music I think music has always been a thing that I wanted to get into. Never had an avenue and opportunity. But if I become, I don't know, write music or rapping or music producing, something that would allow me to tour at least the country with music, maybe in a group or something, but maybe not by myself because it's not my forte. Same with the film thing is I think I would want to be a writer, not necessarily, I don't necessarily need to be the director or maybe one of the producers, but yeah. And then same thing with stand up comedy to get good enough at stand up comedy that I can just tour the country, maybe if I meet people and they want me to go on tour internationally. But I think if I can just get to the level where I'm funny enough to like tour at like college campuses or places like in the States where it's okay, that level, like I'd be fine with that. I don't need the money, I'm just doing it for the vibes of traveling.

J.R.: 1:33:14

And then some other stuff like bowling. I want to get into a bowling league, bowl at 300, get into archery and then freestyle popping again. Do that more regularly, maybe join a free like a popping crew. Yeah, if it takes five years, 10 years, whatever. But as long as I'm doing those things, I think that's what I want to do is just getting in. It's just like how I'm doing podcasting, like I'm doing it, and if I commit to 10 years, I know I'll be fine. If I do these things and start as soon as possible, I think I'll be fine.

Aeden: 1:33:39

I'm gonna be a leech and actually just take most of what you just said as thanks but how can you do?

J.R.: 1:33:46

how can you do it when you have all these other things you're doing?

J.R.: 1:33:49

I don't know same question no, I, because I can commit and do some of these things. I'm not overbooking myself, see. That's the difference is. See, aidan, I would ask you to do some of this stuff with me, but you are not free, so you can't do this with me. Okay, let me just quit some more jobs, real quick. You actually have to offload your jobs and you have to not keep committing to other things, and then maybe I'll be like, hey, you're finally free. Do you want to do some of these projects with me? Because I'm not going to ask you if you're not free. That's real.

Aeden: 1:34:15

Yeah, because I'm very similar to you. I have a ton of board games, so I've been wanting to like monthly board game nights where we play different board games each time, and some of these board games are quite intense and require like a significant amount of prep time, and so I would love to find committed folks who are like no, I would love to read through this rule book with you, if you set up a Secret Hitler night.

J.R.: 1:34:36

I'm all in because I've spent five hours playing that with groups of people.

Aeden: 1:34:40

I have a love hate relationship with Secret Hitler, just because it is such a fascinating game to play. But the last time I played it, I think two people left cursing me out and I was like, oh there you go.

J.R.: 1:34:52

Then you just weed those people out until you get only the survival of the fittest.

Aeden: 1:34:56

Jeez, yeah, there's that, and then also I have the speaker and mics. So I was hoping to do monthly karaoke night. It'd be cute if we did a theme tonight where you can only sing songs within theme. I think that'll really challenge people. One of the themes that I had brought up to some of my singer friends was we should do a night where you sing karaoke but you can only sing songs given to you by other people, and I was like oh, we've done that before that.

Aeden: 1:35:19

Yeah, that would be so fun like to really be able to lead into things that you don't normally do. But other people think that you would sound great on what's stopping you from doing that.

J.R.: 1:35:28

Now you have the space to host those things. For me it's the time.

Aeden: 1:35:32

And like it's the time because you're committed to so many things, yeah no, also it's because, like anytime I sit down to start inviting folks to stuff, everyone's like, no, I'm busy and I wasmind. Then Forget it, but I think I need to just commit. I just need to do it. Whoever shows shows.

J.R.: 1:35:50

I feel like for those things, if you consistently have like once a month sort of gathering and people are like, oh yeah, they'll start to block it off, it's part of their monthly routine. Now I think there needs to be some momentum built.

Aeden: 1:36:05

Yeah, and I think part of the thing that makes it hard for me with the most like building momentum around these things is I live so much further south than a lot of my friends. Like everyone is like up in LA proper, and so anytime I say, oh, I can host, oh, but you live so far and like it takes so long to get there, and I was like okay, well, yeah then, and they're like no.

J.R.: 1:36:24

But then see if the time investment is worth it, meaning like it's not just a 30-minute hangout, right, but if it's like a okay, it's like an all-night sort of six-hour thing or whatever, I feel like that's worth it because you have the space to do it. I think it's just finding the right people who are available and want to do the same fun things, right.

Aeden: 1:36:43

Yeah, available and want to do the same fun things right.

J.R.: 1:36:47

Yeah, maybe if I sit down and project plan it out, get a board and then have these certain activities and plan it out and move it across, I would love to jira all of these things wait. But see, you are the coo type, so why don't you just execute on it? I could just do it.

Aeden: 1:37:01

So you need someone to tell you what to do or to do it I think this is like where I kind of get caught in the in between being like the C-suite exec and being the executive assistant is sometimes. I just want to be told what to do.

J.R.: 1:37:12

Right, exactly that's what I mean. So you need to be told to do it.

Aeden: 1:37:15

I don't need to like. Well, actually that's not true, I do need to. But sometimes the need can be self-fulfilled, Like I can just tell myself to do it and I'll do it. But I think that is significantly harder because the only person I'm accountable to is myself in that situation, versus if someone else, so the accountability is not there, so it's harder for you.

Aeden: 1:37:35

Yeah, it makes sense, not impossible, just harder, more difficult, yeah, yeah. And like also, I wanted to do archery for forever. I've started but I don't get in enough practice or I don't know where I can go to get more practice. It was a lot easier when I lived in Korea because of the archery cafe.

J.R.: 1:37:52

Yeah, I was looking it up, there is like an archery range that's like open to the public in OC somewhere. I forgot Somewhere in between us two there is one or two ranges in our area, so I know it's feasible, but I'll get back to it when I'm at that time.

Aeden: 1:38:07

Yeah there was one I found where it's like you had to book it out or something and it's attached to a store where you can buy archery equipment. But I was like, let me go check out the venue first, and so I actually paid for a training class just so I can be there and start shooting. And I was like, okay, so they have a separate range for like teaching and then a separate range for like people who are practicing.

J.R.: 1:38:28

I think I went to a similar place Maybe it's the same place you're talking about like twice to do like a beginner's class. But then there's another range where it's like people can come in. It's attached to a store that has like a bunch of different stuff.

Aeden: 1:38:47

And then also I've been wanting to ice skate. I like taught myself enough to go in circles, like at an ice skating rink. Yeah, but am I the best at stopping? Absolutely not. You're like, I can go, I don't need to stop, right? Yeah, exactly, I either let like friction stop me or I body slam the wall and I was like these both are viable options to stop, just not the nice looking one, yeah, not ideal.

J.R.: 1:39:08

Yeah, man, I have so much to do. I didn't go into financial goals or career goals. My financial goal has always been eight figures Exactly. I'm looking at my little vision board that says $10 million in the bank. That's always been my goal. If I get eight figures, I'll be set. I don't need more money than that. Everything else will go to charity, not my kids, they can figure it out themselves. Having a family obviously is there too, but I think it'd be nice to have that money and then I could just do whatever else I want, maybe invest.

J.R.: 1:39:37

I think I need to be like an angel investor in order to get to that level, but I need to start first by starting my own companies and running them, maybe selling them and then getting into consulting and angel investing. My main career goal objective is to be an author, speaker, coach, and then all my other businesses will be kind of focused on that Education, media, branding, what I'm trying to do with this podcast, consulting, and then that will lead into investing, which is the next tier of making money. So that'd be fun. And then continue learning and growing and sharing what I've learned as a teacher here, eventually becoming a professor at an actual university or multiple or whatever would be nice too, but that's like fourth career down the line Definitely want. Like several businesses, I think the cafe like we've talked about would be like my third or fourth business as well. The cafe would be break even at most. I think that's definitely feasible in the next 10 years, especially like at my current pace, and then making different breakthroughs. Yeah, I'm gonna steal some of those too.

Aeden: 1:40:33

Thank you, good luck. No, I. One of the things I had told my parents before because they insisted that I get my PhD was that I want to work first, I want to get experience in the field and enjoy making money, and then, when I'm done with everything and I was like you know what, let's go back to school. Then I'll get my PhD and then I'll teach at a university level and that'll be like the career career that I end on, Because I don't like at that point, if I have my PhD, it's really only like research work or teaching. I don't want to lock myself into that. Until I'm like ready to commit to just that, yeah, and then I'll run with that until I retire Same.

J.R.: 1:41:18

I never wanted to be a professor that just teaches on studies and academics. I'd want to be a professor that teaches from experience. Yeah, yeah, sure, I have a PhD, but I also have created success myself, and not research success, and so therefore I'd want to teach that way and there are more practical ways to make a living off of that. And then it's once you've already made it and you've achieved those goals, then you can teach on that. I feel like there's more ground to stand on in that circumstance.

Aeden: 1:41:38

Yeah, definitely, and I think there's like a lot of value, especially as like for you and me, as there's like a lot of value, especially as like for you and me as PMs and taking our knowledge as PMs and our practices as PMs into a teaching space. I think there's been times when I felt like the lessons were slogs because it's so much work to get through, but, at the same time, there's no pragmatic approach to how this was designed for it to be a conducive learning experience, and so I would want to leverage my experience as a PM, working in different industries with different folks on different projects, and use that to now have more nuance and more insight into how I, for example, would develop a lesson plan.

J.R.: 1:42:22

Yeah, definitely More practical application and approach to it.

Aeden: 1:42:25

Yeah, I'll also add one of my goals is to be able to see you work with a team, just because I feel like every time you talk about how you PM, it vastly differs from how I feel when I PM, and so I would love to see like a PM at work, like even through training. A lot of our training is like hypotheticals and I feel like hypotheticals, or like conditional situations, are always so hard for me to learn from because, it's well, this only applies under these specific circumstances. So I would like to see in the field your adaptability and your mindset in approaching a live set of people who have a very real thing they need to work on together.

J.R.: 1:43:06

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

J.R.: 1:43:08

I do have a lot of different contexts from, like, larger companies, smaller companies, large teams, big teams, multiple teams, singular teams, and I think, especially in those interviews I haven't had one in a while, but it's always fun to pull out the skills, like the knowledge, but also the practical experience and marrying that.

J.R.: 1:43:25

I always like interviews because I get to show off how much I know. It's crazy because these lessons learned don't even come until one to two years with a team, and so I have to look back holistically at how I've approached these small little challenges that you can't even improve until three months in with the team, and so the real value comes from having been like a project manager or scrum master for six, seven, eight years and then you're like, oh okay, now that I've worked in these different contexts, I can see how we can connect the dots and see those patterns. So, yeah, I'm grateful to have had those experiences. I don't know if you'd ever see me work with a team directly unless I go into consulting, then you also go into consulting and then you can see. You can like shadow or something, but we'll see. I think that'd be fun.

Aeden: 1:44:06

You just shows up at your job, just stands right behind you. Continue, please, yeah.

J.R.: 1:44:12

Or unless, like I, have a consulting company and then, like you also, I hire you as also one, you have to learn a style, or we create our own style and you adapt to it. Then I think that would be a situation where you would be able to learn what is something that you've been pondering deeply or frequently recently, I guess.

Aeden: 1:44:29

There are a couple different things. So one is what is my ego preventing me from doing and or learning? I think, for example, in working at the cafe or the coffee house, most of the time I will be much older than folks who are working there, and so sometimes I catch myself feeling some level of superiority I'm older, I'm more educated, I have more work experience and because of all of these things, obviously I'm going to work at a higher efficiency rate. And so people will look to me and say things like oh my God, you do so well, oh my God, you learn so much, etc. Etc. And for me it's well, yeah, well, yeah, obviously.

Aeden: 1:45:07

But I also want to humble myself and I need to remind myself on occasion when, like people at the coffee house and I don't necessarily click, is it because of them or because of me? And I think my first thoughts are always like well, it's because they're young, because they don't get it, because they don't know like I'm such a resource. They really should tap into that and be able to benefit off of that because I'm giving it for free. But then I also have to remind myself that that may not be what people want or where people are at, and for me to expect that or to want that is me speaking from my own ego and assessing myself in a way in which I'm valuing what I contribute to the team more than them. And just because they're contributing differently doesn't necessarily mean that they're contributing less. And so I have had to try to find ways of checking myself for letting my ego run wild or un-rampant a little bit. And now I'm wondering, like where are areas of my life in which I'm practicing this behavior and it's preventing me from doing more or being more impactful? That's one. Another one is really learning how to use what I know in the positions of leadership.

Aeden: 1:46:16

So, as I said before, I am now captain for our dance team, but I'm still trying to figure out my footing here, because folks are here to dance but at the same time they don't want to deal with the admin. But when I push the admin because it's what gets us to be able to do what we want to do there's a way to finesse it and go about it, and I think that's something I'm still exploring. So I'm constantly trying to think on and figure out what are different ways in which I can take what I know and what I can do to meet the needs of the team in a way that the team can receive it as such, like, for example, I've definitely gotten feedback that, like I can speak too harshly to some folks or that I am expecting too much. So our space is for me to really reconsider.

Aeden: 1:47:01

How am I going about this? What is the intention, what is the purpose? And if that intention is not being felt, how can I adjust to make sure it is? So if I'm saying I'm doing this for the team, but someone on the team is saying I don't like it, then is it really for the team? And I think that's like the balance I'm trying to strike, because you also can't please everybody. So what's like the nice medium of I'm doing my best to meet the needs of the team but at the same time, I'm putting it in a way that is receivable by most of the team and is still honest to who I am Makes sense.

J.R.: 1:47:34

You can't please everyone. There probably is a most ideal balance or medium between those two that I feel like. Maybe just take some exploring and constant iterating and feedback to get to that point.

Aeden: 1:47:49

Yeah, and I think that's hard because I have taken some practices from you and a lot of our discussions and trying to get feedback from folks by setting up retros and having like open conversation with folks. But sometimes folks just don't want to give feedback. They're like I have nothing to say and I was like okay, cool, and then like still trying to find a way to learn and grow through that and I think that kind of like from lack of feedback.

Aeden: 1:48:12

Yeah, like, how can I find ways to still do better without people telling me what I'm doing well and what I'm not doing well? And I was gonna say I feel like this also segues to the other question I have when it comes to work is like, how do I know what I don't know? Because I've had conversations with my manager before where he'll say, well, as a PM, you should go about it this way. And my response was, oh, I had never considered that as an option or as something that could be done. So that's why I've never did it, because I didn't know. And I want to try to get ahead of that as much as possible. I want to be as open-minded as I can, to think outside the box, to really problem solve creatively, and I don't know how to work on that skill or develop that skill, and so that's also something else I've been thinking on Lots to think about.

J.R.: 1:49:01

Yeah, the main thing I've been thinking about a lot. I mentioned I'm going on a bunch of walks. I'll go to the park and walk two hours straight, or two and a half hours cumulatively for the day, to get my 15,000 steps or whatever. So I have a lot of time to think and I'm listening to this book called 101 Essays that Will Change the Way you Think and it is a great book, but it is super dense. I don't know. Have you ever heard of it.

Aeden: 1:49:25

Yeah, it's actually on my TBR to be read, so it's good.

J.R.: 1:49:29

It's just super dense that there's 101 chapters and each chapter has 20 points and each point is fairly good, but it's a point that it's like this one chapter could have been a book and so no narrative, no story, and it's like drinking from a fire hose of information, like a semester class condensed into two days. Each time I have to stop mid chapter and just think about and digest it because it's okay, that was very profound and thoughtful, but now I can't finish the book and I can't progress because I have to think about the stupid point that it made. So it's a good problem to have and I'm just trying to get through it and get to my next fiction book. So I've been thinking a lot and now that I'm on these long walks I'm thinking a bunch and it's nice to be by myself and being a hermit these last few months, much happier being less on social media.

J.R.: 1:50:16

I have this desire of being surrounded by people who inspire me to be better and make me want to chase them, and so I have this like rooted desire to want to have my high volume friends be the ones that also are people who I'm chasing and who we keep each other accountable, because I don't have those people who keep me.

J.R.: 1:50:34

I mean, I'm fortunate enough that I keep myself accountable, but it would be nice to like that sort of gym bros who go to the gym and they push each other and that's how you go further and farther. But have that not only in the gym but in life or in career and projects and other stuff like that. And it seems like in most of the circles I'm usually mentoring other people and I'm fortunate to be in a place where I develop myself that I can do that. But it would be nice to not always be the one trying to mentor or being in that position, but also being mentored by someone. Once I get out of this last stage of my life and not dancing as much and going into the next phase, I can start to find those communities where I can find those people who are more driven and motivated and ambitious and hopefully that'll help take me to the next level. But I also don't want to obviously rely on someone to make me get there, but I'm just saying that I want to be surrounded by those people.

Aeden: 1:51:23

Yeah, I totally get that, and I think the last time we talked about this I was like that's why I love you, because you're the one I'm chasing, and I think it like echoes previous conversations we've had before, where I always feel a desire to identify like a mentor in a space or someone who I can turn to and feel like there is guidance or there is like a plan that is beyond me. There's like a road that goes beyond what I know and I don't have to walk it alone because there's someone who's walked this road before and now I can walk it with them yeah, yeah, and there's like that concept of the 33 percent or like 33 percent of people that you surround yourself with.

J.R.: 1:52:04

That should be like above you or ahead of you. 33% should be like below you that you're helping and 33% should be like at your level, who you guys are both sort of at the same stage, and so I feel like you in your, your first episode you're talking about mentorship, so you have that sort of someone that you're chasing or like someone who's older than you and more experienced.

Aeden: 1:52:22

Yeah.

J.R.: 1:52:23

And we're also in spaces where we mentor other people who are like behind us and we're teaching them and I feel like for me, that's the part where I'm missing is like my peers, Because, again, a lot of my friends who are around my age don't really necessarily are trying to build something Like. I think at least half of my podcast guests are those types of people I'm referring to, but I don't hang out with them by volume.

Aeden: 1:52:45

Yeah.

J.R.: 1:52:45

And anyways, the time will be right soon enough, but that's something I've been pondering deeply and frequently, at least in the last couple of months. Big things to think about big questions, a lot of projects to get these thoughts and work like thoughts and writing into vocally out there on this recording, because thinking about the future and planning and like, like being a creating a vision for myself is always exciting to me. That's one of my strengths. Finder 2.0 have you ever taken that? Did we talk about this? We?

Aeden: 1:53:16

did.

J.R.: 1:53:16

Oh, yeah, definitely yeah, like I have mine on my board, but it's like futuristic significance maximizer, focus and communication those I've aligned with ever since I took that test, initially like in 2016. And so I'm like, okay, I am a big like focus maximizer, futuristic person and, yeah, communication.

Aeden: 1:53:34

Yeah.

J.R.: 1:53:34

Recommend anyone Take StrengthsFinder. It's worked out for me, I guess.

J.R.: 1:53:38

It's like a horoscope, but in a different capacity. It's like your MBTI, Exactly, yeah. Yeah, it's like your mbti, but exactly yeah, yeah, I find that it's even better than mbti, or even like the ocean personality test big five, but it's the ocean's the acronym. Like openness, conscientiousness, extroversion, agreeableness and neuroticism, that personality test is usually noted to be one of the more accurate ones and I think I mostly agree, whereas mbti is like popular but some people don't feel like it's a good representation and I took the strengths finder test four times.

Aeden: 1:54:11

To my knowledge, did they change? For the first three? It did not. So I took it in 2010, 2012 and 2015. At first because being at uci that's when like they would give it to staff for free. So every chance I got I took it and those were consistent for the most part, it stayed the same.

Aeden: 1:54:33

I was always number one woo and then the others would like two and three would swap, and then four and five would swap, and then like it would go back. Something like that. I took it again in 2017, when work paid for it and my top five are completely different and I was like, oh, that's wild.

J.R.: 1:54:49

Do you think it was accurate, Like the change was like oh yeah, that makes sense, I've changed somehow. Or do you think it was not?

Aeden: 1:54:55

I think at the time I thought it was accurate because I was like Well, I definitely don't woo as much anymore, because at that point in my life life I think winning others over had been deprioritized, just because my goal was no longer just to win others over, it was to get other things, and sometimes winning others over was like a means to an end. But that was a significant shift from when I was entering college and winning others over was the end. I just want people to love me wait.

J.R.: 1:55:23

So do you know what your current one is now?

Aeden: 1:55:26

all right, the most recent, most recent one man I don't remember what it was.

Aeden: 1:55:31

I think I noted it down somewhere, but I'll, it's for sure not woo. Then you're saying definitely not woo, that one fell off the top five real quick. You don't think you're woo, though, like now, I think it might be close to the top five, but I don't think it would be top five, and I think part of that reason is because at this point in my life now I feel like I know the moves to be able to communicate with people and to be able to address, like, emotional needs and instances in which that's necessary, but it's not something I turn to as one of the things that I want to practice all the time. Okay, makes sense. Yeah, it's like I built the skill out of need to make sure that I was like taking care of the folks around me, but it's not the skill that I like have closest in reach.

Aeden: 1:56:22

Yeah, that makes sense Like I would much rather jira board something than sit down with someone and like their pies them.

J.R.: 1:56:27

but if I need to, I can so it's, yeah, not top five and not as important as it is, as it was before, but still there yeah that's how I would go about it but I'll definitely retake this test and I'll let you know I want to, yeah yeah, no, I mean, I I don't know if I'll ever retake it because I'm like, okay, I'm good with my top five, because I think it still aligns, but whatever, maybe I just I'm. I'd be happy to hear that I'm consistent. I think part of me would be sad if it changed, because I'm like, great, now I got to reshape my identity of how I see myself, but I think it's still the same. Cool. Okay, we are at like the almost two and a half hour mark.

J.R.: 1:57:03

Wow, this is double the length of any other podcast I've. Well, actually, aside from my Cabo Modern reunion one that was straight two hours, but this one is two and a half almost. So, yeah, this is the type of format that I've always wanted to do, so it's nice to have less constraints. I want to wrap it up soon, but did you have any other last minute topics you want to bring up and or takeaways?

Aeden: 1:57:25

oh, so many takeaways. One last thing that I just remembered is something my vocal coach brought up to me. But there's this concept of fake it till you make it, and he clocked me for it this past week where he was saying, like I know, we've been working at this for a number of years now and I know you want to get where I want you to get to, so we're aligned to there, but for some reason you're just not getting there. Like you're putting in the work, you have the desire, the results just don't show. And we were talking about it and we boiled it down to a question of self-confidence, and he's.

Aeden: 1:58:03

I think what it is is, when it comes to engaging with this vulnerable aspect of your artistry, you become so self-conscious that you lose touch with all the training that we've done, with all of your intention, with all of your purpose and all of the work that you've put in. And you lose all that because of self-confidence and like the question around your self-confidence. And so for me, the thing I've been pondering is like how do we get through that? Or how do I get through that? It's like no matter how much studying I've done, no matter how much work I've put in, no matter how much experience I have. If the question of self-confidence or if there is doubt and I lose touch to all of that, then what's the point? How can I still hang on to all the things I've worked to build when I start feeling doubt? Or, on the other end, how do I build myself up or build up my self-confidence enough so that those questions don't crop up?

J.R.: 1:58:55

If you have answers, let me know. In that book I referenced the 101 Essays there was a chapter on self-esteem. If I'm not getting incorrect, self-esteem is comprised of two things self-efficacy and self-respect. Self-esteem if I'm not getting incorrect, self-esteem is comprised of two things self-efficacy and self-respect. Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself. It is a combination of self-efficacy, which is your confidence in being able to do something, and then your self-respect, which is like how you feel about yourself, how much you respect yourself. That's the two elements of self-esteem and it made me about. That's okay. If you feel like you have low self-esteem, maybe you're missing one or two of those things, or maybe it's lower than it needs to be in order to improve that. So I don't know if that helps anyone else listening to that, but I thought it was insightful. Again, that was one of 0.1 out of 20 points of one chapter of 100. I was like god damn.

Aeden: 1:59:43

I just remembered that I did buy that book, so I was like looking over on this shelf to see if I had the physical book. Yeah, I thought it was new but okay, it's not a recent book it might be, but I also recently went to barntown nobles gotcha.

J.R.: 1:59:58

Okay, maybe you did see it. Yeah, because blessy recommended to me and also I heard it on a podcast. So then I was like I'll just put on my wish and also I heard it on a podcast. So then I was like I'll just put it on my wishlist, and then I picked it up because I had time. But it's a good read. It's just very time-consuming to go through and I take notes, so that's why it takes me so long.

Aeden: 2:00:15

It might be on the shelf behind me instead of the one over here beside me.

J.R.: 2:00:18

Well, I think that should be a good place to end this, since free, flowing format, unlimited time, don't really know when to end it. I'm sure we could talk for hours, of course, but let's wrap this up. I feel like for the audience, maybe this episode you never get this far and maybe this is only meaningful to us too. But if you stuck around to the end, congratulations and thanks for being here. Hopefully our musings and reflections have been useful to you or at least just fun to listen to. That's a weird thing too. Just as an aside, like I've gotten feedback that people like to watch the YouTube videos of my podcast. My intention for this podcast was always to be only audio. The only reason I did video is because I know I got to throw up some like short form, but I would prefer people to just consume the audio. Go listen to this when you're driving or working out or maybe no one drives and works out, I don't know. I want the audience members who are like doing something to listen to it and then absorb it. I listen to podcasts at the gym. So, anyways, if you got this far, I encourage you listen to the audio. The videos will be up and it's cool and everything, but, like I would want this podcast to be something you can do while you do other things and just digest it at your own pace, because it's obviously long form. I want you to take your time and absorb it slowly. So, yes, that is my ask for the audience, but otherwise, thank you guys for being here again, for making it past this two and a half hour episode. Hope you guys enjoyed it More.

J.R.: 2:01:35

To come Next, my season six is almost exclusively. No, that's not true. At least half of them are going to be remote recording, so I'm excited for that. We saw some people who want to be in person and they can be in person, but I think this is the first season that's going to be like hybrid, so I'm excited for that. Thank you guys for being here. Be sure to like, comment, subscribe, leave us love in the comments wherever you're consuming this, and a reminder to always be kind to other people, especially yourself, and remember that you can always learn something from someone if you take the time to listen. So so thanks for being here. Insert applause.