J.R.: [00:00:00] Hello, and welcome back to another episode of 1000 Gurus with me, your host, JR. Yono Cruz. Today's guest is Dorothy Ho. Dorothy is the business owner behind the award-winning Charade Dance Academy in Garden Grove, California, which she founded in 2018 at 21. She has choreographed competitively and recreationally for young dancers, creating award-winning routines, and securing scholarships for her students.

She recently reestablished her faith this year, dedicating herself to growing closer to God while serving on the prayer team at Rock Harbor Church in Costa Mesa, California. This was another great Part two episode with a dear friend of mine. It was a nice semi catchup episode as her first episode in season one of the show was recorded just over a year ago, exactly.

From the outside, it might not seem like a lot has changed. However, internally, she's grown a lot. She was kind enough to share her journey of self-improvement this last year. We talk about her becoming a more fervent Christian, which has positively impacted her life in many ways, including in her business, finances, weight loss goals, boundaries, self-discipline, not lying or [00:01:00] cursing and dating. We cover a lot in this episode and get pretty deep, but we also go off into silly tangents once in a while.

But I do appreciate her vulnerability in sharing her struggles, and hopefully it'll be inspiring to you as much as it has been for me, especially watching her improve over the years.

So without further ado, hope you enjoy this episode with Dorothy Ho.

Hello everyone and welcome back to 1000 Gurus. Dorothy, welcome back to the show. Insert applause. 

Dorothy: Hi. Awesome. Thank 

J.R.: you. Thank you again, Dorothy, for being here. This is basically going to be a Catchup refresh episode. So your last recording was episode five and it was recorded in August 25th, 2024.

So last year. So we've obviously caught up and talked and hung out since then. Most recently, like three or so weeks ago. So I just wanted to ask, what are some life updates you've had since your last recording about a year ago? 

Dorothy: I am now a fervent believer in Jesus. [00:02:00] I reestablished my fate, fervent faith this year.

Yeah.

J.R.: So you weren't fervent before? 

Dorothy: No. I think it's one thing to say that you. Christian, but it's like another thing to like actually abide in Jesus and be obedient. And so that is something that I am doing now. I am single and considering that I've been in a relationship since I was 18 and have jumped from relationship to relationship, this is the longest I've ever been single in my adult life.

And so I think, how long 

J.R.: has it been? Maybe June, July. August. Oh, we're like nine. Yeah, nine months ago. All right, so you broke up nine months ago. You're single, you're loving life. You are a fervent believer in Jesus. Any other life updates? 

Dorothy: The biggest thing is this is the first Saturday that I am not scheduled.

Wow. To work. 

Congrats. 

And I [00:03:00] wanna illustrate that. So since I opened the business in May, 2018, yeah, I was 21 at that time. I've always worked Saturdays and the only times I would have Saturdays off is when I would find a substitute or we would be off because of a holiday and closure dates. Right. But we just started a new season and my bestie Jacqueline, she's my co-director at Charade, she actually advocated that I would have my Saturdays off.

And so it was super foreign to me when she first pitched it. But I was open to it and yeah, now the business is running without me on Saturdays, and it's so great and I was able to get a lot of things done today that I wouldn't typically be able to do on a Saturday. 

J.R.: So that's, so it's still open, but you're just not scheduled to come in and work.

Dorothy: Yeah. 

J.R.: Oh, okay. 

Dorothy: It's super monumental again, because I've always worked [00:04:00] Saturdays, but Right. Yeah. You're like, what 

J.R.: is this feeling? It's a Saturday. Yeah. Should you be at work? 

Dorothy: Yeah. I woke up today and I was like, I'm not gonna work. So that was that 

J.R.: entrepreneurial business life. 

Dorothy: Yeah. I've been better at that.

At least better at drawing the line between work and not work. And then another big update is I found an amazing church and I am serving on the prayer team, so I'm like super into yeah, just like my gifts my spiritual gifts within the faith. So yeah I'd say those are like some of the biggest things right now 

for me.

Nice. 

J.R.: Happy for you. It seems like your life has made, been making a lot of progress, or you've been making a lot of progress in these different areas and you seem a lot happier. I'm happy for you. 

Dorothy: Yes. 

J.R.: So I'll go over the main topics that I have brainstormed based on what you put in.

So there's stuff about finance, boundaries, [00:05:00] self-discipline, weight loss, romance, Jesus, single life, et cetera. So we'll see where this goes.

So first topic is I guess finance, but you mentioned testimony of finances in business.

Could you clarify that and or how have you improved your own finances and what has been working better for you? 

Dorothy: So I'm gonna jump into my testimony. I grew up believing that God doesn't need your money and you should only tithe if you have the funds to tithe, but you don't have to tithe. And it's been confirmed and reaffirmed by many people in my life that's the case.

And only recently I started to challenge that. And the reason why I challenged it was because, one of my friends, shared his testimony of surrendering his finances even though he was [00:06:00] financially struggling. And I was blessed by hearing that message. But then also I was reading the Bible more because, I am actually fervent now as a Christian.

And there is a story in the Bible where a woman who's a widow and she gives a penny, but Jesus looks at that and is like, wow, that's amazing, because she has nothing. But she gave everything. And in comparison to the rich people who gave way more than she did, like in proportion to what they have, it's nothing.

And immediately I started to tithe and I. Was blessed so fast. Essentially I decided to tithe 10% of what I made. And it was really hard because I'm in a lot of debt right now after renovating the studio.

And when we like used all of those funds, I dug into my personal credit [00:07:00] cards other things for the studio. And so I'm in a, I'm in a massive debt right now that I'm paying off slowly, and the idea of giving up 10% of my monthly income to the church was like really hard. But. I did it anyways, and it was a complete act of surrender.

And immediately after doing that, I actually felt really good because it really showed me how tight my grip on money was. And so immediately like after doing that, I, my studio got booked for a rental outta nowhere, and we made like an easy 200, and then I got booked for privates and that was like another, like easy, 85 and so on and so forth.

And I think the biggest thing though was this past month, it's still considered summer for a lot of students at my studio. And, last year, I actually had to take a 10 k loan out because we didn't have enough to pay [00:08:00] for the lease and all the instructors when a lot of kids dropped. And so a year later you would think that we're better prepared, but it appeared that we weren't because like more kids dropped off this year for summer.

And again, I was prepared to do it all over again, take another 10 K loan, and then use all of my money to pay that loan off as soon as I can. But I just kept holding it off, holding off, not taking that loan and praying God, please I really hope I don't have to do this again. And again, like after tithing and all the influx of like money that we got from just random bookings and other things like.

We happen to have enough to pay for the lease and the staff and the utilities and everything. And so hallelujah that I didn't have to take out that 10 K loan, but I really could have easily needed to have done that. And then another situation this month was I [00:09:00] have a limited amount of cash in my wallet.

And so my friend John, he shared that he felt compelled by the Holy Spirit to tithe more than 10% and that when you tithe you should tithe an, like an amount that feels like an act of surrendering. And so. Again. So, yeah, I had cash in my wallet. It's, and it's like all the cash that I had, but I went to visit his church and his church was growing and I just felt convicted to just give all the cash that I had in my wallet.

And I viewed that as like an act of surrender because I mean, it's not even my church, and there's no way to record it. So it was a clear act of generosity and also just being obedient to the Holy Spirit after I tithe that amount to his church. I immediately got 10 times the amount back through like other random rentals, random bookings for private lessons, random X, Y, Z.

And so, I think [00:10:00] I think things are looking up for me financially when I exercise abundance first. 

J.R.: That's, that sounds like an incredible story. I feel like when I've come across similar testimonies in the spirit of generosity, whether it's in like a Christian context or otherwise, it always seems like the universe supports what supports the universe.

Meaning when you have that spirit of generosity, it's kind of crazy how you kind of do get that back in return. And we've talked about this on the podcast before with other guests, but, and even in my own life there are, there have been times similar where I am trying to find ways to give and be generous and not for any sort of reciprocation or to get anything in return, like an investment.

But then you'd always be surprised on how much. Things come back to you after you start doing that. And it's not like it's a [00:11:00] science, it's not something you can just kind of ab test and it's not something where you can be generous and then expect your return to come in like a week or a month or something like that.

Sometimes it doesn't come for months or years or sometimes it never comes. And obviously that's not the point you're not supposed to give for the sake of receiving something in return. But it's so crazy how people like yourself and myself and other people who give, they tend to be like, wow, it's kind of crazy how the more I give, the more I get in return, even though that's not the intent.

Right. So yeah, I love that testimony.

Is there anything else that you've been doing differently that you've changed in terms of finances that has helped you? 

Dorothy: Yeah, I, my grip on money isn't, as, isn't as tight as it used to be. And I think one more testimony that I'll just share very quickly is, as a business owner right now, I'm actually choosing to not get paid from like the the, [00:12:00] what's it called?

The nuts? Like 

J.R.: revenue? 

Dorothy: Yeah. The tuition income. So I'm actually opting out because I want a lot of the money to be cushioned for the studio. And again, in light of how little we made last month, one of our employees like really stepped up and I, my co-director actually suggested that we give that employee like a.

A big bonus and I understood that she deserved it. However it was really hard to do that because it was gonna come out of my personal funds, not from the business funds, because the business barely had enough to cover or, at that time cover lease. And so I said yes but spiritually I was like so torn because it was really hard to sacrifice like my funds.

But the moment that I did [00:13:00] that. It helped me further, loosen my grip on money. And not to say that I am being cavalier with my finances 'cause that's not the case. But I think it's more just practicing that, that generosity muscle and exercising that and getting that working. And so I think now I'm definitely the most generous I've ever been, with my finances.

J.R.: Nice. So I guess my question to you is maybe what can some people take from what you've learned recently, what you've been implementing recently into their own life, maybe if they're also struggling with finances or specifically generosity, things like that. Or similar situations. Maybe not exactly as yours, but any advice you wanna throw out there.

Dorothy: I know for some people who may not subscribe to Jesus, it might feel so ludicrous that she's in debt and then, but she can still muster the courage or like the balls to be generous with her [00:14:00] finances. And it does come from like my faith. If I can acknowledge that God can sustain all these things, then it's also me surrendering, like that part of my life, the financial part of my life too.

And so far I'm being well taken care of as my testimonies have illustrated. So I think it's just doing that faith and surrendering that portion of your life to Jesus to take care of 

too.

J.R.: I wanted to ask, I guess, specifically on finances. I think I had this conversation with a friend of mine who is a financial coach, and we were talking about budgeting and conscious spending and all these other things.

I was wondering, are there any specific tactical things, aside from the spirit of generosity and tithing and surrendering your finances, but there are other things that you found that have made your finances more efficient?

I'm just curious because last time we talked you were talking about like mystery boxes and [00:15:00] those things that a lot of people buy at, those pop stores where they have to buy a bunch of mystery boxes to get the ones they want.

So that's been like a huge craze I've seen in the past year. Obviously that's not some stuff that I'm into, but my personal take on that now that I've been seeing it more the last year and a half or so is like, that's basically gambling. People wanna buy these cute little things, and they're basically just gambling to get the thing that they want.

Or they can just pay a premium to get the whole set. But essentially it's Ooh, what do I get now? Tear it open. Oh, it's this, oh, I already have this one. Or, oh, I didn't, oh, I got the one I wanted. Same thing as Pokemon cards. Same thing as anything where it's like a random blind box or pack, and my brain is like, it's so crazy how these things are so trending and hyped, but it's such a waste of money because you just want a thing that has, okay, again, my own values.

It's not nothing I like, right? I spend money on frivolous things like a MC popcorn. But I guess just to step back, it's okay, that truly makes you happy, but you just, as long as you can [00:16:00] acknowledge that it's gambling. It's gambling just to buy a material thing and you can put your own value on material things that I guess spark joy.

But also it's kind of like you do know that that's how the capitalists and like the big businesses get you right. They just want you to buy into this gambling system of dopamine and whatnot. So yeah, it was like, dang, people are really going in on all these things like that. And so that was one of the things that came to mind.

'cause it reminded me when you mentioned like mystery boxes and I'm not really into that, but yeah, I don't know if you had any thoughts. 

Dorothy: Funny you mentioned that because I am a recovering pop mart enthusiast, I have a lot of boxes.

In fact, I have one right here that I bought two years ago, but I never opened. 

So it's a complete set. Set. 

J.R.: Are you supposed to open it or are you just wanna keep it like unopened? 

Dorothy: No, I have my recovering pop mar enthusiast because I had a YouTube channel. I was, giving free advertisement to Pop Mart.

I would fill myself open these things. I would be like, [00:17:00] yeah, what do I get? But in reality, I was spending more money than I should have. And especially now looking at this past couple months where, I'm not doing the best financially. I regret so much buying all these things and I'm not, I haven't even opened this box yet because I, I stopped devoting time into making YouTube content of me opening things, it doesn't serve me.

I think that's something that the enemy had a good hold on my life. It trifled with my time. And so it does gimme a good segue to the whole discipline aspect of it. And so a year later, I'm not spending money on toys anymore. And I've been more disciplined in being better equipped at discerning my time and how much I'm investing in like different things that don't serve me. And so I actually uninstalled YouTube and Instagram for about two months. I wasn't on the platform and I've seen a [00:18:00] dramatic change in how I navigate my time.

Like I mentioned, I'm not spending money on pop mart art toys anymore. And so I, I have more finances to do things like Ty or to do things like being generous and buy my friend a drink or their food or like whatever. And so yeah, it's a complete change to how I was do I still spend on things that I like?

Yes. The other day I went to Uniqlo and. I like to buy the same pair of shirts or pants if I like it. And so I bought two pairs of the same exact shirt that I like, and then I have three pairs of the same exact pants that I like. And if you see me at the studio, you're like, wow, miss Dorothy, you wear the same thing.

It's well, because I have five pairs of the same stuff stuff. So I still have that element of me, but it's like better like nav directed, like I navigated better. Yeah. So, 

J.R.: yeah, that makes sense. It's funny you mentioned Uniqlo and buying the same pair. [00:19:00] 'cause So Lisa, who's been on the show, one of my littles and Blessy who has been on the show, they are both also UNIQLO enthusiasts and they're like, yeah, we'll buy the same thing multiple times.

The same like item, just different colors or whatever. And I'm like, I feel that too. There are some pairs of pants that I got of Amazon. I'm like, wait, this is so functional and it looks good and is comfortable. And so I bought three more of the same one.

So I'm the same way. I think those sort of buys where it's okay, you know, you like it and it serves a purpose. And it's not just decorations. To me, I don't like spending money on things that just gather dust and don't really spark joy, don't really have a function.

I'm more of a functional buyer unless it's like an experience and then I'm like, okay, this is not an investment. It's just an experience. It's a lifestyle choice. just like cars or something like that. I think if there are good purchases and you feel good about it and you know, it's not like just sitting unopened or collecting dust, I think that's a good buy.

Again, just my own value system. But yeah, I'm glad to hear that. It seems like you are more, have more clarity in your [00:20:00] finances and I feel like that's a good takeaway for people as well is maybe not a lot of people have a good handle on how to do personal finances, but I think if you can get to the point where you feel that clarity, no matter what you spend on, you'll feel good because you're like not, you don't have that uncertainty looming above you of what am I doing? Or how should I use this better? How do I get more, how do I save more, et cetera. How do I spend less? Right. So I'm glad to hear that.

So I wanna focus on the upcoming topics, boundaries, self-discipline, weight loss, romance, Jesus. I guess that's the thing that ties everything together. So let's go into boundary self-discipline, and I guess that goes into weight loss.

So you mentioned specifically saying no to people, and I know again, this is more of a protecting your time and refocusing on what's important to you. Could you give some examples how you've come across using this? No. Saying no to people. And what can other people learn from saying no?

Dorothy: So you are an average of your five closest friends and you can apply that now to your own life. And you could probably [00:21:00] see like where you fall, right? And if you want to be better at finances, then you would surround yourself with people who are good at that and whatnot. And so, me saying no to people right now is also me disciplining myself and making sure that the people that I do choose to spend time with do have a quality that I value.

But me also saying no to people in what you're saying is more just me saying no to like the future romantic potential fling, right? And so since being single there have been a handful of instances where a very handsome guy would come along, but then it doesn't sit right with my spirit.

And so it was really hard, but I would have to say no. And no again and no again. What about it 

J.R.: didn't sit right with your spirit? 

Dorothy: So obviously. [00:22:00] As a girl who's pursuing Jesus, I, any potential romantic, partner, I would bring it to the altar, to Jesus and I'd be like, Jesus. What do you think?

Is there anything, is there any red flags? Anything that comes up? And the Holy Spirit would then tug on me. And if there's anything that I would feel that doesn't sit right maybe it's something that they said, or maybe it's their faith, they're not Christian. Or maybe they are Christian, but then there are aspects of them that like aren't quite there, like I would have to have the courage to be like, okay, like I have to say no.

And sure, that's the whole part of dating. You get to figure that out as you date. But I think considering how sensitive I've been in the past to clinging to people prematurely. I also am operating from knowing that I am not very conducive right now to [00:23:00] also like navigating those just yet. And so it's like saying steadfast to the idea that I should be single for as long as I can before and then identifying when I'm ready before saying yes to like entertaining or going out with the, with the potential, whatever, right.

J.R.: Okay. So, correct me if I'm wrong. So it seems like you, as opposed to past Dorothy, you are now bringing these potential people in a romantic context to your value system of asking God like, is this the right move? Should I be considering it? Are there any red flags and evaluating it based on the lens of your spirituality and your faith as opposed to former Dorothy who might just be like, oh, he is good looking and he sounds great and he makes me feel good, and et cetera. And then kind of going that way, but more just okay, I know what my values are, I know what my standards and I know what's important to me.

Like also talking to someone who has the same [00:24:00] spirituality. Right? Ideally. And so that's how you've been able to say No better. 

Dorothy: Yes. And I'm so different than how I was just, eight months ago when I just ended my relationship, I was like, oh, you know what? I haven't dated. Maybe I just have to be better at dating and like I can practice dating.

Like I, I won't have any attachments. And so I began dating a little bit right after breaking up. And obviously that didn't go well. And dating isn't just some kind of thing. You get to practice. Like I think now I'm of the believer where, you know you shouldn't date to practice well from the lens of, the faith, right?

And so I am surrendering that aspect to Jesus now. And so now I'm more, in tune of bringing things to the altar, everything to the altar. So, yeah. 

J.R.: I wanna ask about [00:25:00] the two things, other things that you mentioned about discipline or self-discipline, which is recalibrating your no cursing and then also minimizing lying with the goal of not lying anymore.

Maybe for tying this all together. The theme is Dorothy wants to be a better person as how Dorothy and God defines it, right? So I'm assuming that's why you wanna curse less and not lie. Is there anything else beyond that and maybe some examples of the challenges you face and how you've overcome them?

Dorothy: I've definitely been primed as a young adult to lie and lying helped me save face and helped me look better. And it would also help like deescalate, fights or situations where, I wasn't proud of what I did and so I would lie or. White lie. Right. But since coming back to the faith, I am trying to minimize the lies [00:26:00] because only good things can come out of telling the truth.

And if good things come out of lying, it's so temporary and that's not the full like picture. And I think that goes back to surrendering to God. It's if you truly believe that God is sovereign over your life and he asks you to not lie, then you should also believe that he can take something ugly from its whole entire truth and then turn it into something better for you.

If you're catching on like my wave mm-hmm. That I'm trying to ride.

Cursing is the same thing too. I love to curse. I think it's fun to curse and it's fun to say bad words and have a good laugh with your friends.

But what are your favorite bad words? Just kind like, oh, I can't say that right now, but I,

I can't, whatcha asking me to do. But anyways, 

J.R.: just the beginning. Syllable [00:27:00] just the first one, you 

Dorothy: know, like a 

J.R.: little sneak peek for the audience. What is Dorothy's favorite, formerly favorite curse words? 

Dorothy: Oh man, I have a lot. There's a lot that I love to share. Is it But the what? No, no, no. Stop it. You're tempting me.

But no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, stop. You wanna say it, I'm not gonna say it, but don't worry, 

J.R.: God will forgive you. Just, you can just let sneak one out. 

Dorothy: That is true. God will forgive me if I accidentally, let it loose, 

J.R.: accidentally, purposefully let it loose. Y 

Dorothy: yes. And but the idea is whatever comes out of your mouth will actually taint your spirit.

Even if it's like curse words or even if it's like lies. And so I am trying to be more aware of what I'm [00:28:00] saying and that just ties in with the whole discipline and pausing.

J.R.: I actually had this conversation with someone recently about. Similar to lying and not cursing and what you just said, which I really love, which was the things that you say also is kind of like a maybe it's traverse like a reflection of what's in you. And so speaking negative words taints you in that sense. And I was talking to a friend about integrity and how one of the biggest things that drains me as a person is dealing with someone who doesn't have integrity.

But what I mean by integrity is they say one thing and they do another thing. But what I mean more beyond that is when they're not consistent with what they say. For example, I aspire to work out seven days this week, and then they don't even work out once. We can come at it as, okay, yeah, you're trying to do a new thing and it's tough and we'll give you grace for all that, et cetera.

Right? But when I hear someone say similar things like, I aspire to open up my own business, or run the world or [00:29:00] become president, or all these other things, and they keep saying their aspirations, but then they never do anything about it. To me, when I see that consistently, I see them as a liar. I'm like, why would you say these things?

You don't even mean it. Does your own word to yourself mean nothing? Meaning like I am a person who, I try my best to always keep my own commitments to other people, but especially myself. So if I see something, I do it. So when I don't see that standard in other people, it really bothers me more than it should because I am so strict on that standard.

But I've realized as I've dug deeper, it's because to me, it feels like they're lying to my face when they tell me, oh yeah, I'll be there at eight, and then they're not here. Or, oh yeah, I love, I'm gonna do this thing. This is my goal and whatever. And then they never do it, and it comes back and they're just, I'm like, are you a liar?

 And the reason why I call them out on this is also because, sure, maybe you're not consistent. Maybe you don't do what you say you're gonna do to me. But if you keep lying to yourself as a friend, I'm asking you a serious question. Do you think that's [00:30:00] good for you to always be lying to yourself about what you say you're gonna do?

Right. And so I thought, I thought that was interesting because it kind of reflects what you're saying. And I really liked that thought. And if you have any thoughts here of your own. 

Dorothy: No, that, I'm glad that you were able to abstract value out of my sentence. 

J.R.: I think it's, I think it's because we had, so I, yeah, I loved your reflections and then it just reminded me of a similar reflection I had recently.

I guess it's not really switching topics. We're kind of just going down the rabbit hole of Dorothy's is trying to be a better person. She's focused around Jesus and here's all these things that she's been improving on, which is amazing and I love that.

So now, weight loss, so you mentioned specifically that you lost 45 pounds via diet only if that's correct. So my questions are could you walk us through that process, one for two, what was the catalyst for you wanting to do this? And what challenges have you had before when you're trying to lose weight that this time around it was easier or more effective. 

Dorothy: So [00:31:00] I did flirt with Ozempic for a bit and Ozempic was really hard. I would have to self-inject I think once a week at different sites on my body. And if I happen to skip 

J.R.: really quick, what could you let the audience know what Ozempic is for those who may not know?

Dorothy: Ozempic is a self-inject. Is a shot that you would self-inject and it would curb your appetite. And so you would literally not eat as much as you want to. 

J.R.: Is this like over the counter or do you need a prescription? Or 

Dorothy: you need a prescription? And so I was prescribed this. Luckily and. When I would take it, it would be off and on because if I missed the shot, then my appetite would come back outta nowhere, I would overeat.

And then if I try to go back on my shot after missing it, then I would have horrible side effects like I [00:32:00] would throw up or like my body would, I would be physically like tired. And it was just not a good, I felt like it wasn't good for me. Even though millions of other people have lost weight because of Ozempic.

But I decided to stop ozempic and then I did decide to just do it the hard way, which is via intermittent fasting or like diet, like calorie restriction. And so, it was definitely a test of willpower for me. But I remember the first day I started my intermittent fasting. I went to sleep so hungry, but I just kept thinking about how I know that I would, when I get to my goal weight, I would be physically more attractive and I would feel better about myself.

So I just kept thinking about that future. And so yeah, I would restrict my calories and I would also cut the sugars that I would intake. You're [00:33:00] not supposed to have more than 25 grams of sugar a day and added sugars for women. I think for men it's 30 or 35. Not sure, but I knew that for me at least, I stopped drinking like Gatorade. I stopped having ice cream. I stopped like I stopped eating junk food and if I wanted sugar, I would eat a banana or I would have some fruit instead to satiate that. But that was very helpful and it also ate in like my weight loss journey. And I actually recently saw a nutritionist because now that I'm at my weight loss school, I am trying to eat two meals a day.

Whereas before, during my intermittent fasting calorie deficit, I was actually eating just one meal a day. 

J.R.: Do you know how many calories that was for that one meal? 

Dorothy: It would be like 1,200. 

J.R.: About 1000. Your hundred. Yeah. And then so your fasting time, so your eating time was [00:34:00] what, an hour, two hours?

Dorothy: Mm-hmm. 

J.R.: Okay. It was like, and then your fasting time was 22 hours then by math. Yes. Right? 

Dorothy: It was, yeah. It was quite extreme. Yeah. But I'm at my weight goal now, and I did it naturally. I've been at my goal weight now for, I wanna say three, four months now. I was 175 and then now I'm at 138, so I'm like 1 38, 1 35.

I hover right there. 

J.R.: Nice. Wow. We're the same weight. I'm also 1 38 now.

Dorothy: You calling me a man? I'm just kidding. 

J.R.: What not all men have the same build or weight or muscle like composition as me or you, you know what I mean? So 

Dorothy: that as a joke 

J.R.: anyways. Are you calling 

Dorothy: yourself a woman? 

J.R.: No. I'm saying why does that to be a gender thing? I'm saying we are weight twins. We weigh the same amount.

We had the same amount of pressure on the scale. 

Dorothy: I just have to say the joke. It was a joke, 

J.R.: so it's so funny. Dorothy, you should be a comedian. 

Dorothy: Okay. Okay. [00:35:00] 

J.R.: So with that being said, my two questions are why did you want to lose weight?

Was there anything else beyond just like aesthetics, like your ideal of weights and aesthetics is the reason why or was there anything beyond that? And then the second thing is, I know you mentioned a lot of restricting time eating and also cutting out certain foods. What helped you to be more compliant with that thing?

Because I think a lot of people can say, oh yeah, easy. I just eat less processed foods, eat less desserts, et cetera. But it's easier said than done. So this time around what has helped you to be more compliant with what you set out? 

Dorothy: A lot of people, including myself back then, I would watch a YouTube video and eat at the same time, but I don't do that no more 

J.R.: because no YouTube, 

Dorothy: no YouTube, no TV when you eat.

And that actually helps you be more aware of how much you're eating and you're quicker to be attuned to the signals when you're satiated. And so now [00:36:00] in reality, instead of eating for 30 minutes, my meal would be like 10 minutes and then I'm. I'm onto the next thing. And so that has helped.

J.R.: So does in that specific, I guess, strategy, you're saying that you eat less because you're not distracting, you're more present for your meal. Exactly. So if you were distracted and you were watching something, do you add more food to your consumption or, I guess because I ask, because when I sit down I'm like, I already, my meal's already set.

Like it's the one thing, the plate, right? And so I'm, I also watch YouTube. But regardless of if I'm watching something or not, my food is the same. So I guess that's my question, if that makes sense. 

Dorothy: That's the thing. Your food is the same, but if you're not full anymore, sometimes you will not finish whatever's in front of you.

And you will put it away. Oh, okay. In the fridge. So 

J.R.: meaning like you might've overestimated your plate regardless, but now that you're more present with your eating, you actually might feel full and [00:37:00] not finished 

Dorothy: sooner. Yes. 

J.R.: Gotcha. You'd 

Dorothy: feel full sooner. 

J.R.: That makes sense. I guess it doesn't apply to me personally because all my meals are already, like it's set.

But I think you're right. You have good advice because I think most people, they're not have all their meals planned like I do.

Dorothy: Well, for you, I don't know what your goals are, but I'm sure if you're trying to gain muscle or you're trying to gain weight, you will finish the food.

But if you're trying to lose weight, then you would do what? Or you would consider doing what I did. 

J.R.: To your point exactly. If for example, if I was trying to gain weight, I have to be at a certain caloric surplus. Well, this is math now, I guess for the audience. If you're trying to lose weight, you need to be at a caloric deficit.

Whatever your baseline is, whatever X amount of calories below that, then if you keep doing that consistently, you lose weight. If you're X amount calories above your baseline, you will start to gain weight. And if it's if you're working out, it'll be muscle. If you're not working out, it'll be fat or et cetera.

So yeah, just to your point, 

Dorothy: [00:38:00] yes. And then also and I don't know if this is, you can tell me if I'm wrong, but I'm gonna share some other wisdom that I've picked up in my weight loss journey. And I learned that if I'm eating, I should probably eat in the morning before working out. So that way I burn the calories that I get from there versus whatever's in storage.

Right. And apparently Sumo. They actually eat after working out, and that's how they maintain their weight. And so that has also helped me just be more mindful of when I eat and timing it with my workouts so that I am also losing weight versus gaining weight. 

J.R.: Gaining weight. Hmm. Interesting.

I've never heard that about Sumos, but meal timing is something that I've also heard about and my coaches and trainers have told me about too. And so that's interesting. I don't doubt that that also works. So I've heard several different things. So one, [00:39:00] some people will fast in the morning, right? And then not eat until let's say lunch so that they're burning off whatever stores they had in their stomach before they went to bed or et cetera.

And or some people say like it's, they're in fat burning mode because now that their stomach is empty and their carbs and their. Glucose or whatever is empty now they have to go into their fat stores. Apparently that's how, what some people say, and the opposite is, some people say that they will do that process at the end of the day, kinda like what you're saying, start off with a meal and then you're active during the day.

You burn all that stuff. So by the time you are going to sleep and you're stopping, you're not eating anymore. Now you, when you're sleeping now that's when your body is quote unquote burning the fat or burning up its stores. So I think it's the same principle.

 And so I guess now for my own experimentation, what I found works for me is I think my body does better when I eat first during the day and then have a light midday, and then I have a, like a very full dinner.

Because me personally, I don't like going to sleep hungry. [00:40:00] And so I'm like, okay, there has to be one of these periods morning, afternoon, or night when I'm eating less. Right? And so for me. I found that I can either skip my first meal and have something light like coffee or tea or something like that, and then eat at lunch and then dinner, or I will for sure eat breakfast, start off with protein.

And I, especially when I'm working out a lot, and I'll feel like, okay, my muscles I've, I got the protein I need and I'm gonna work out in the afternoon, but during the afternoon until evening, I try to keep it lighter. And then dinner, I always eat, make sure to have carbs because carbs help me sleep better.

And so I'll save some carbs for nighttime, like rice or beans or whatever. With protein, obviously like each meal has 40 to 50 grams of protein for me because I need to get one 50 because that's my weight and goal, et cetera or whatever. And so I've experimented with all types and I think that's just what worked for me.

And yours obviously is working for you. And I guess for the audience, it's if you're trying to gain weight surplus, if you're trying to lose weight deficit, but no matter how you do it, you have to find what works for you and your compliance. [00:41:00] And if you can do that consistently, that's how you get to your goals, right?

Dorothy: Yes. I think for me my testimony of weight loss is mainly just keep your eyes on the prize delay gratification. And that definitely helped me through nights where I was just so hungry.

But I think after a week of doing that, the hunger pains went away and I did see the results that I wanted to. And yeah, I'm very pleased with how I look now and how much lighter I feel. And my knee, actually, my right knee has had, I have a injury where my right knee dislocates, it's called a transient dislocation where it pops in and out.

Now that I weigh less, it doesn't come out as often as it used to. And so that was another motivating factor for me to also just lock in. 

J.R.: As you're, you're talking about your journey, it reminds me too [00:42:00] of weight loss or any sort of body recomposition is always hard for everyone because our bodies are so used to equilibrium.

And so it will be hard, but once your body gets used to that new cadence and that new diet or that new intake or food level, calorie level, it will get easier. You just have to stick through it like Dorothy's saying, for a little bit, and then your body starts to adjust okay, this is my new baseline.

I don't eat this much anymore. And another thing I learned from my fitness coaches is anyone can lose weight like 20 pounds x amount of days. But what's more important is if you can keep that weight for a good amount of time and then your body now readjusts the thermostat to that baseline.

So it's not like crash diets and then your skinny for two days and then you regain it all back. It's about readjusting your baseline to that weight and then now maintaining it. And now your body's like, okay, this is now what my normal is. Right? Yes. So it's kind of sticking it out. 

Dorothy: Yes. And I've been successful at maintaining my weight.

Like I mentioned, it's been a few months now. And I've had no desire [00:43:00] to eat more and or whatnot and for splurge on ice cream or whatever. 

J.R.: So I know we kind of touched upon this a little bit, but like romance and singleness and you saying no to people.

Is there anything else you wanted to add onto that? But I guess on top of that as well, you are saying what do you prioritize and look for when considering someone in a romantic sense? And what is some helpful advice you think someone can benefit from when they're looking for a partner or considering romance in general?

Dorothy: So for myself there's two things I wanna illustrate and through the lens of my faith. I used to be of the camp where I would choose somebody and they may not be from the kingdom. They're like not, they're not Christian. And then maybe they have like things that are still self-destructive for them.

But I'm choosing to overlook it because I'm so attracted to them. And I would be like, God, fix them. Get them to a place where we [00:44:00] can get married. God, you can do amazing things, fix them. But that's not how God wants us to be like.

 You are called to be more patient and then also to wait on God's promise.

And so God will never send you someone who's incomplete. They'll send you somebody who has everything together, and I. I wanna ask you if you think this Jr. But I've kind of come to realize that with women, when we date somebody, we date them for their potential. But with men, when they date a woman they hope that they never change.

I think that's the case for most of the men that I speak to, right? They're like, oh, I hope she never changes. But like with the woman, it's oh, I can't wait to change him or I can't wait to see how he's changing. 

J.R.: Wow, that's very interesting. And I think on the man's side or the men's side.

 I, I used to be really deep in person development books, and especially dating books too. Psychology of attraction and social dynamics.

The best way to attract someone that you're [00:45:00] interested in is to make sure to convey the potential that you know that you have.

And not in a lying sense, like you're actually working on yourself. You're grounded, you know what your values are and principles, but the idea is that you don't need to already be there. You don't need to already be the millionaire with the amazing body and career and all this other stuff. You just need to show that you're on your way and you're grounded and confident that you will get there.

And so when you said the whole potential thing wait, that actually aligns to at least what I learned and what I kind of follow and what makes sense to me. But the woman's side was very interesting. 'cause I never thought of it that way. Like, I hope she never changes. Again I would never wanna speak for all men, but for me I wouldn't say that's necessarily true because I do think that, well, when I come across a girl who I'm interested in, it's yeah, I do like what I see but I wouldn't say that I would never want them to change because my value system is always constantly improving. And so if I want my partner to also constantly [00:46:00] improve, it's not on me to hope that they don't get better. Because I feel like that wouldn't make any sense. Like why would I not want my partner to also improve just like how I wanna do?

But the nuance there is also what I've learned in relationships is you should always love and accept your partner as they are, but also, of course, support them in their goals and their growth and where they want to be. And so there's kind of, you have to live this dual sort of approach of I love you as you are, and I don't need or want you to change. However, if you do have goals, and ideally they do, I will support you in that and help you grow into that person and not be scared of losing the status quo. But I don't think that is shared by a lot of other people because maybe a lot of men or people in general love the status quo.

And when their friends, best friends or partner changes for the better. They have this scarcity of, oh, but where's my old best friend? They used to be so much more fun and we used to hang out all the time and party and stuff like that. But now they're just working out all the, like that sort of example, like a cliche example.

I, for me, I would be like, yeah, that's great. My friends are improving and it makes me wanna [00:47:00] improve. So I don't resonate with that side of it. But I don't doubt that a lot of people agree with what you're saying of the guy doesn't want the girl to change because now it's like the status quo.

Right? But I think those guys are just very static, close-minded, not growth oriented, in my opinion. 

Dorothy: I hear you. I think, what I was trying to illustrate is when you, because there's an element where you should kind of consider what their potential is, right? As a partner. Because we tend to live in the future, we're like, oh yeah, what will they be like?

But I do think if you're not sure of who you are, what your standards are, then that is so dangerous to, to go into, because then at what point do you figure out okay, they're not in their potential and it's been 10 years and they still like, do I have 10 more years to give Or at that time, time is just, it's not objective anymore.

[00:48:00] And so a lot of people do fall into that trap. 

J.R.: It is kinda like that whole toxic, oh, I can change him, sort of stereotype of girls and their boyfriends who are like. He might just be good looking, but he doesn't have his shit together. And so it's like, oh, I can change him. That sort of toxic mentality.

So I get that. 

Dorothy: Yes, that is the story of beauty and the beast at a psychological level. Right? She can change him and then he gets changed and then she's awarded. And he's not a beast anymore. 

J.R.: I never thought of it like that. Yes. Wow. Disney teaching us young to be toxic. 

Dorothy: Yes. What was your other question?

J.R.: I guess advice when approaching romance or in a romantic context of what they should be looking for in a partner. You just mentioned knowing what you want.

Dorothy: I used to be a girl that would just accept. Any validation. Anybody who's interested in me, sure, you can take me out.

But I don't [00:49:00] subscribe to that idea anymore. And and that's the exercising of the no right. You, 'cause you can give into that instant gratification and, receive that. Be happy with that. But I do believe that when you say no, you're recalibrating your standard, you're recalibrating, and then eventually you are setting yourself up for that person in the future who does meet everything.

And you can discern better because let's face it, I think a lot of people who do entertain these quick these quick dates, if you will they're probably gonna be stuck here filtering through a lot of quick dates before they are able to discern like who their forever partner is. And that's something that I've kind of learned to do.

And so I have several testimonies that I can share that illustrates that.

So I had to take my car to get fixed and [00:50:00] so the dealership sponsored my rental car and I rolled up to Enterprise. And when I walked in, I really thought I would see old, unattractive white men. But in fact, I saw sexy, fine saw, did I say sexy yet? Sexy. You 

J.R.: know what's gonna happen now? White girls are gonna go to Enterprise and they're gonna be like, I was promised sexy men from Dorothy.

And when they get disappointed, they're gonna be so mad. The, 

Dorothy: well, the joke is, is that they're still white guys, but they're actually young and sexy.

J.R.: I don't know why I need to bring race into this, but 

Dorothy: I guess you're gonna cut that out too then, won't you? You should cut that I cut thing, sound thing if you want. Sound bad. 

J.R.: So you want me to cut the whole interview? I see. I'm just kidding. No, no, just kidding. 

Dorothy: And so, yeah, there's, there was a tree of [00:51:00] really fine attractive men and the most attractive guy of the bunch took the initiative to service me.

And I thought it was obvious pretty quickly that he was attracted to me because he threw a lot of compliments. And then even after handing me the keys to my car, he made every effort to stay back and try to get my number. And he. Was like, oh yeah I've been trying to get into dance. I know you're a dancer.

Do you teach dance? And I was like, well, I teach women and children. And he's like, well, can we do private lessons? Oh yeah, can we blah, blah, blah. And you know what I did he was really cute and I would love to have given him my number, but I knew early on in our conversation that he wasn't Christian.

And then also, like he was way younger than me. And so I was like, okay, you know what? I'm going to give you the email of my business and you can email us and we'll hook you up with a male [00:52:00] instructor to help you reach your goals. So unfortunately for him, he didn't get my number and I was able to exercise that.

No. Obviously a week later he does not contact the business. And so for me, I was like, I'm gonna see him. I returned my car a week later and I'm, he's there again. And it's he's so handsome and it's like, okay, like I have to go through this a second time. And of course it happened a second time.

He's like, oh, Dorothy so what do you do? Do you do you smoke? And I'm like, okay, no, I, I don't smoke. He's oh, well what do you think about drinking? I don't drink. And he's like, oh, well, do you like coffee? And I'm like, I don't drink coffee. And he's okay, you're a tea girl.

And I'm like, yeah, I love tea. And he's like, okay, can I have your number? Lemme take you out for tea. So, the screening questions came in and he found, he was more upfront about it and I'm like, I'm so sorry, but I subscribe to [00:53:00] Jesus and you don't know Jesus.

And he's like, well, can we please be friends? And so I unfortunately gave him my number. And of course, I'm not stupid. Like later that day, he sends me a beautiful text. He says, how's your day going? And we both know that's the start of your dating, like whether you say you're friends or not.

And so I was like I'm too old for this. I know what this is gonna do. So I sent him a message back and I said, Hey, like I actually don't have the bandwidth for a friendship. And also you're a walking temptation, so we can't be friends. 

J.R.: You actually said that a walking temptation.

Dorothy: Like I, it's flattering. He found it flattering. 'cause he said later oh, thank you. 

J.R.: Well, yeah, I mean, I know, but that sounds like you're just flirting with him at that point. You're like, no, I'm very attracted to you, but I'm not. So, 

Dorothy: so, so I told him, I'm sorry, we can't be friends. You're walking temptation.

I, we can't be [00:54:00] friends. And I told him, I was like, Hey, but if you come like later down the line, you come to know Jesus, reach out to me. And he's like, yeah I guess me and Jesus have a lot of catching up to do. And at first I thought that was like, okay, I made it. But then when I prayed about it later that night, like God still showed me like, that's me keeping the door open.

And that's not me really being like saying no. And so I, unfortunately, I had to block his number, so I will never hear from him ever again. I mean, unless God orchestrates, like he finds my church and blah, blah, blah. But you know, in the meantime.

When you come to Jesus, like it's not a clean cut, like old Dorothy cut new Dorothy. It's it's that transition. And so there are old aspects of me that I'm fighting, right? And it was very tricky and I maybe didn't do it in the best way, like you're saying right now. 'cause it's not, I should have said no.

But it was convoluted, right? [00:55:00] Story ended with his number being blocked and, I'll never hear from him. Unfortunately, that's how it ended. But that's still a testimony because

J.R.: Until you go back to enterprise and you need another rental, and then you probably won't. 

Dorothy: I'm not gonna enterprise, I'm going somewhere else. But I think that's still a win because how old Dorothy would entertain it and then look forward to those text. Like those dumb text messages of like how was your day? And be happy with that. But that's not what I'm called to have joy in right now. It's a work in progress. 

J.R.: Yeah. I was just trying to give you a hard time. But no ,I like that. I appreciate your vulnerability and being like, Hey, I'm trying my best here. I still get tempted. I'm not perfect. So I get that. 

After this, I want to go into ending questions like gratitude, but anything you feel like is very important to touch on.

Dorothy: To summarize where I am at right now, it's it's just surrendering everything, all aspects of my life. And also praying about it and exercising the [00:56:00] Jesus muscle of give it to Jesus first. Give it to Jesus first. And I am seeing right now, like everything is more fruitful.

This is the first time ever, that I'm single for this long. And so I think like a lot of things might be stupid sounding to people who have been celibate or who haven't dated in a long time. But I think maybe I might connect with people who have. Chronically jumped from relationship to relationship who don't know Jesus or who say that they are believers in Christ, but they're actually like still struggling somewhere in between.

J.R.: I like that. Thanks Dorothy for your honesty and vulnerability. And like you said, I think your perspective is very valuable 'cause there are probably people in a similar sense that could get value from your experience and struggles right?

 Cool. All right, let us go to ending questions.

Gratitude, we always end gratitude to Dorothy, what are you grateful for? 

Dorothy: I don't know if I said this yet, but, one of the transitions that I have now from Old Dorothy to New [00:57:00] is I wanna be a good friend to the people that I'm friends with.

A lot of people say oh yeah, you should have a relationship with Jesus. But I think it's so intimidating, like the idea of God and his rules and reading this huge thick Bible, it's intimidating that nobody really understands that for what it truly is.

And so I have been practicing seeing Jesus, like an actual person like you, so it's like I'm making time to have dates with him. I'm making time to talk to him through my prayer and then I'm taking time out to hear him talk through reading about the works that he's done. And so that's what I'm grateful for.

I feel like that has made me grateful for everything else. 

J.R.: Do you have any final ask from the audience or final takeaways? I know you've summed up a lot of it, but anything else we did not touch upon? 

Dorothy: If I mentioned it in my last podcast with you? I'm gonna just say it again, but you should consider treating yourself as if you were your own parent.

What would you do to [00:58:00] your what would you do in your life? Would you wake up earlier? Would you take up like that instrument lesson? Would you dance more? Would you work out? I think that will also help just help you reach your potential. So, yeah. Nice. That's my last thing I like to say.

J.R.: Cool. All right, Dorothy, thank you so much for being here. I really appreciate it. I think I am, I'm very proud of how far you've come in the last year, but also even the last several years that I've known you. And it's very inspiring, even for myself. I've been going to church more often recently, also directly because of you.

And I'm joining a small group soon because we're having more in our church. So, yeah. So I just wanted to thank you and give your shout out as a friend of mine for inspiring me through your own action.

All right, Dorothy. I'll close us off. So thank you guys for being here.

I really appreciate it. Make sure to like, follow, subscribe. Leave us five stars. Leave Dorothy Love in the comments. She might not see it 'cause she's not really on Instagram, but I'll pass it along to her.

And reminder that you should always be kind to other people, especially [00:59:00] yourself. And remember that you can always learn something from someone if you take the time to listen.

So thanks for being here.